help son with homework

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An Age-By-Age Guide to Helping Kids Manage Homework

Do you ever wonder whether homework is gauging the child’s ability to complete assignments or the parent’s? On one end of the spectrum, a parent might never mention homework and assume it gets done independently; on the other end are the parents who micromanage to be sure every worksheet is absolutely perfect.

Being too laissez faire about homework might deny a child the support they need to develop executive functioning skills, but being too involved could stifle their independence. So how much parent participation in homework is actually appropriate throughout a child’s education?

Basic homework tips

According to Scholastic , you should follow these rules of thumb to support your child during homework (without going overboard):

Stay nearby and available for questions without getting right in the middle of homework.

Avoid the urge to correct mistakes unless your child asks for help.

Instead of nagging, set up a homework routine with a dedicated time and place.

Teach time management for a larger project by helping them break it into chunks.

Child psychologist Dr. Emily W. King recently wrote about rethinking homework in her newsletter. King explains at what ages kids are typically able to do homework independently, but she writes that each child’s ability to concentrate at the end of the day and use executive functioning skills for completing tasks is very individual. I talked to her for more information on how much parental involvement in homework completion is needed, according to a child’s age and grade level.

Kindergarten to second grade

Whether children even need homework this early is a hot debate. Little ones are still developing fine motor skills and their ability to sit still and pay attention at this age.

“If a child is given homework before their brain and body are able to sit and focus independently, then we are relying on the parent or other caregivers to sit with the child to help them focus,” King said. “ Think about when the child is able to sit and focus on non-academic tasks like dinner, art, or music lessons. This will help you tease out executive functioning skills from academic understanding.”

Elementary-age children need time for unstructured play and structured play like music, arts, and sports. They need outside time, free time, and quiet time, King said. For children who are not ready for independent work, nightly reading with another family member is enough “homework,” she said.

Third to fifth grades

Many children will be able to do homework independently in grades 3-5. Even then, their ability to focus and follow through may vary from day to day.

“Most children are ready for practicing independent work between third and fifth grade, but maybe not yet in the after-school hours when they are tired and want to rest or play. We need to begin exposing children to organization and structure independently in late elementary school to prepare them for more independence in middle school,” King said.

Neurodivergent kids may need more parental support for several years before they work independently.

“Neurodivergent children, many of whom have executive functioning weaknesses, are not ready to work independently in elementary school. Children without executive functioning weaknesses (e.g., the ability to remain seated and attend to a task independently) are able to do this somewhere between third and fifth grade, but it’s very possible they can work independently at school but be too tired to do it later in the afternoon,” King said. “We need to follow the child’s skills and give them practice to work independently when they seem ready. Of course, if a child wants to do extra work after school due to an interest, go for it.”

For students who are not ready to work independently in middle school, it is better to reduce the amount of homework they are expected to complete so they can practice independence and feel successful.

Middle school

In sixth grade and later, kids are really developing executive functioning skills like planning, organizing, paying attention, initiating, shifting focus, and execution. They will still need your encouragement to keep track of assignments, plan their time, and stick to a homework routine.

“Middle school students need lots of organization support and putting systems in place to help them keep track of assignments, due dates, and materials,” King said.

High school

By this point, congratulations: You can probably be pretty hands-off with homework. Remain open and available if your teen needs help negotiating a problem, but executing plans should be up to them now.

“In high school, parents are working to put themselves out of a job and begin stepping back as children take the lead on homework. Parents of high schoolers are ‘homework consultants,’” King said. “We are there to help solve problems, talk through what to say in an email to a teacher, but we are not writing the emails or talking to the teachers for our kids.”

What if homework is not working for them (or you)

There are a number of reasons a child might not be managing homework at the same level as their peers, including academic anxiety and learning disabilities.

If your child is showing emotional distress at homework time, it might be a sign that they have run out of gas from the structure, socialization, and stimulation they have already been through at school that day. One way to support kids is to teach them how to have a healthy balance of work and play time.

“When we ask students to keep working after school when their tank is on empty, we likely damage their love of learning and fill them with dread for tomorrow,” King wrote in her newsletter.

King said in her experience as a child psychologist, the amount of homework support a child needs is determined by their individual abilities and skills more than their age or grade level.

“All of these steps vary for a neurodivergent child and we are not following these guidelines by age or grade but rather by their level of skills development to become more independent,” she said. “In order to independently complete homework, a child must be able to have attended to the directions in class, brought the materials home, remember to get the materials out at home, remember to begin the task, understand the task, remain seated and attention long enough to complete the task, be able to complete the task, return the work to their backpack, and return the work to the teacher. If any of these skills are weak or the child is not able to do these independently, there will be a breakdown in the system of homework. You can see why young students and neurodivergent students would struggle with this process.”

If you and your child have trouble meeting homework expectations, talk to their teacher about what could be contributing to the problem and how to modify expectations for them.

“Get curious about your child’s skill level at that time of day,” King said. “Are they able to work independently at school but not at home? Are they not able to work independently any time of day? Are they struggling with this concept at school, too? When are they successful?”

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How to Help Kids With Homework

Helping your child with their homework is an opportunity to connect with them and improve their chances of academic success. As a parent, you can reinforce concepts taught in the classroom and nurture good study habits . Helping with homework shows your child that you believe their education is important.

What Is the Best Way I Can Help My Child With Homework?

You don’t need to be a certified teacher or an expert in a subject in order to help with homework. You can help by developing your child's time management skills, introducing strategies to stay organized, and offering words of encouragement. 

Here are some homework tips for parents:

• Know their teacher . Attending parent-teacher conferences, getting involved in school events, and knowing how to get in touch with your child’s teacher can help you better understand homework expectations.
• Family study time.  Set aside time every day for homework. Some kids do best by jumping into homework right after school, while others need a break and will be better focused after dinner. 
• Set a good example. Family study time gives you the opportunity to model studious behavior. Demonstrate the importance of organization and diligence by paying bills or planning your family’s budget during this shared time. Reading while your child completes their homework instills the idea that learning is a lifelong and enjoyable pursuit. Your example will be far more impactful than your lectures.
• Designate a homework space.  Having a designated space for homework can help your child stay on task. It should be well lit and have extra school supplies within reach.
• Help with time management.  If your student has a lot of homework, encourage them to break the workload into smaller and more manageable tasks. Create a schedule for the evening to ensure they get through their long to-do list , including opportunities for breaks.
• Don’t do the homework for them.  Helping your child with homework isn’t the same as doing your child’s homework. You can make suggestions, but your child must do the work for meaningful learning to take place. Have patience, allow them to struggle a little, and resist the urge to simply give them the answers.

How Do I Help a Child Struggling With Homework?

Struggling through challenges is an important part of learning. Research shows that something called “productive struggle” is essential to learning new concepts. Too much struggle, however, can be demoralizing and counterproductive. So where's the line drawn between productive struggling and counterproductive struggling? You know your child better than anyone, so trust your instincts and step in before your student becomes overwhelmed.  

Consider these tips if your child's struggling with homework:

• If your child's already stressed out or frustrated, start with taking a break.
• Engage your child in a conversation so you can understand where they're stuck 
• Offer hints or guidance to help them move forward
• Resist the urge to do their homework or give them the answers
• As soon as your child understands how to resolve the issue, step back and let them continue without your direct assistance
• Avoid stressful cramming and last-minute panic by helping your student plan ahead for tests and long-term assignments.
• Offer your child encouragement and praise them for their perseverance.
• Work on your own paperwork or read nearby as your child completes their homework to help them stay on task.
• Reach out to the teacher if additional assistance is needed and remind your child to ask questions at school when they're confused

Should I Help My Child With Math Homework?

Math is taught differently now than it was twenty or thirty years ago. The Common Core Standards are used in 41 states, and most other states follow the same principles even if they don’t call them the Common Core. Instead of memorizing specific ways to solve math problems, students today are asked to solve problems in several different ways and explain the strategy they used. 

For many parents, their child’s math homework seems complicated and confusing. The goal of this newer method, however, is a deeper understanding of mathematics. Just because you learned math in a different way doesn’t mean you can’t help with math homework. 

• Focus on non-academic help . You can help your student by offering encouragement, tracking assignments, and helping with time management. Create a distraction-free time and place for them to focus on their math homework. 
• Learn how it’s taught. Understand how math is taught at your child’s school. Some school districts offer parents a math night or online resources to help them better understand the way math is taught at schools.
• Reach out to the teacher. Ask the teacher for insight on how you can support your student at home. They might point you towards resources that align with their curriculum or offer additional help to your student at school.

At What Age Do You Stop Helping With Homework?

Some research has shown that the connection between student achievement and parental involvement in schoolwork is strongest in the elementary years but declines in middle school. By the time your child enters middle school, parents helping with homework can do more harm than good. At this stage, parental help with homework is associated with lower student achievement.

While you should be helping a lot less with homework, middle school isn't the time to retreat from your child's education. Non-homework forms of parent involvement are strongly associated with higher academic achievement. There are many ways you can support your middle schooler’s success. 

• Monitor assignments and test scores
• Attend school events
• Participate in parent-teacher conferences
• Ask questions about classes and what your child is learning
• Continue to encourage a regular study time and place at home

Ideally, you laid the groundwork in the elementary years and good study habits are well established by middle school. While your child will outgrow the need for your direct homework assistance, they'll never outgrow the need for your support and encouragement. 

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Home / Expert Articles / Child Behavior Problems / School & Homework

7 Ways to Stop the Parent-Child Power Struggle Over Homework

By debbie pincus, ms lmhc.

Do you find yourself in full-on homework battles most nights of the week? It’s no surprise that most children and teens will dig in their heels when it comes to doing schoolwork. Think of it this way: How many kids want to do something that isn’t particularly exciting or pleasant? Most would prefer to be playing video games, riding their bikes or driving around with friends, especially after a long day of school and activities.

As long as you believe you are accountable (or to blame) for your child’s outcome, you are under her control.

The underlying truth here is that you and your child might already be caught in a power struggle over this. Like most parents, you probably want your children to do well and be responsible. Maybe you worry about your child’s future. After all, doing homework and chores are your child’s prime responsibilities, right? Let’s face it, it’s easy to get anxious when your kids are not doing what they’re supposed to be doing—and when you know how important doing schoolwork is. And when you believe you are ultimately responsible for the choices your child makes (and many of us do, consciously and unconsciously), the ante is upped and the tug of war begins.

Nagging, Lecturing and Yelling—But Nothing Changes?

If you’re in the habit of threatening, lecturing, questioning your child, nagging or even screaming at them “do the work!” (and trust me, we’ve all been there), you probably feel like you’re doing whatever it takes to get your kids on track. But when you’re in your child’s head, there’s no room for him to think for himself. And unfortunately, the more anxious you are, the more you’ll hold on in an attempt to control him and push him toward the task at hand. What happens then? Your child will resist by pushing back. That’s when the power struggle ensues. Your child, in essence, is saying, “I own my own life—stay out!” Now the battle for autonomy is getting played out around homework and chores, and exactly what you feared and hoped to avoid gets created.

This is very aggravating for parents to say the least. Many of us get trapped into thinking we are responsible for our child’s choices in life. As long as you believe you are accountable (or to blame) for your child’s outcome, you are under their control. This is because you will need your child to make those good choices—do the work—so you will feel that you’re doing a good job. Your child’s behavior becomes a reflection of you. You are now at your child’s mercy as you trying to get him to do what you want him to do so you can feel validated as a good parent. Your child does not want to be taking care of your emotional well-being, so he will naturally resist.

When kids are not following through on their responsibilities, it can easily trigger a number of feelings in parents. Note that your child did not cause these feelings, but rather triggered feelings that already belong to you. You might be triggered by a feeling of anger because you feel ineffective or fear that your child will never amount to anything. Or you might feel guilt about not doing a good enough job as a parent. Here’s the truth:  You have to be careful not to let these triggered feelings cause you to push your kids harder so that you can feel better. One of the toughest things parents have to do is learn how to soothe their own difficult feelings rather than ask their children to do that for them. This is the first step in avoiding power struggles.

Why are power struggles important to avoid? They inadvertently create just what you’ve feared. Your child is living his life in reaction to you rather than making his own independent choices. Learning how to make those choices is a necessary skill that develops self-motivation.  How can you avoid ending up in these battles? Here are 7 tips that can really help.

1. You are not responsible for your child’s choices

Understand that you are not responsible for the choices your child makes in his life. It’s impossible to take on that burden without a battle for control over another human being. Measure your success as a parent by how you behave — not by what your child chooses to do or not do. Doing a good job as a parent means that you have done all that you can do as a responsible person. It does not mean that you have raised a perfect person who has made all the right choices. Once you really get this, you won’t be so anxious about your child’s behaviors, actions, and decisions. You will be able to see your child from objective, not subjective, lenses and therefore be able to guide their behavior, because you’ll have seen what he actually needs.

2. You cannot make someone care—but you can influence them

You cannot get a person to do or care about what they don’t want to do or care about. Our kids have their own genetics, roles, and ultimately their own free will. So focusing on getting your child to change or getting something from her will not work long-term and will most often turn into a power struggle. What you can do is try to influence your child using only what is in your own hands. For example, when it comes to homework, you can structure the environment to create the greatest probability that the work will get done.

3. Think about the “fences” you’d like to create for your child

Take charge of your own best thinking and decisions rather than trying to control your child’s. Pause, think and decide what fences you want to create for your child. What are your bottom lines? Know what you can and can’t do as a parent. Recognize that what will make the biggest difference to your child (and helping him become a responsible kid who makes good choices) will be learning how to inspire him, not control him. Building a positive relationship with your kids is your best parenting strategy. Children want to please the people in their lives that they have loving feelings toward. You cannot ultimately make them accept your values, but you can inspire them to do so. Getting a child to listen to you is primarily about setting up the conditions under which they choose to do so. In order to do this, make a conscious effort to sprinkle your relationship with more positive interactions than negative ones. Hug, show affection, laugh together, and spend time with one another. Point out your appreciations most instead of constantly correcting, instructing, teaching, yelling, complaining, or reprimanding.  Don’t get me wrong, you need to correct and reprimand as a parent. But make a conscious effort so that every time you do this, you will follow it with many positive interactions. The human brain remembers the negatives much more than the positives. Most kids will be happy to listen and be guided by the people in their lives who they like and respect.

4. Should you give consequences when kids don’t do homework?

Parents always ask whether or not they should give consequences to kids if they don’t do their homework—or instead just let the chips fall where they may.  I think you can give consequences, and that might work temporarily—maybe even for a while. Perhaps your child will learn to be more responsible or to use anxiety about the consequences to motivate themselves. You can’t change someone else, but consequences might help them get some homework done. You can’t “program” your child to care about their work, but you can create a work environment that promotes a good work ethic. Kids who regularly get their homework done and study do better throughout school and overall in life.

5. How structuring the environment can encourage studying

Again, you can’t make a child do anything that he doesn’t feel like doing, but you can structure his environment to create the greatest probability that the work will get done. When your child’s grades slip, or you find that he’s not getting his work in on time, you are automatically “invited in” to supervise and help him get on track. You can make sure that for certain periods of time, he will not be able to do anything other than schoolwork. The rule is during that time, no electronics are allowed—just homework and studying. By doing this, you are providing a structure to do what your child probably can’t do yet for himself. The hour and a half that you set aside should be a time when you will be around to enforce the rules that you have set. Give a fixed amount of time and once that time is up, your child is free to go elsewhere, homework done or not. Stay consistent with this plan, even if he fights you on it. This plan will accomplish the possibility that your child will get some homework done and maybe over time, create some better work habits. That’s all. This plan should be in place, whether or not he has homework. He can read, review or study if he doesn’t have any during that time. Let him know that these rules will change when his grades begin to reflect his potential and when you are not getting negative reports from teachers about missing homework. When he accomplishes this, tell him you will be happy to have him be fully in charge of his own homework.

6. Parents of Defiant kids

 Extremely defiant kids who don’t seem to care about consequences really try their parents. Some of these kids suffer from ADHD, ODD, learning disabilities, emotional issues and many other issues. Defiance has become a way for them to try and solve their problems. With defiant kids, parents need to be very cognizant of working to develop positive relationships, no matter how difficult. Above all, work to avoid getting pulled into a power struggle. Your child will need many more learning opportunities and more rewards and negative consequences—and more time to learn these lessons than less defiant child. And if nothing changes, and your child continues to be defiant, you must continue to work on your own patience and be thoughtful about your own bottom line. Most important, continue to love your child and keep showing up.

7. Your simple message to your child

Be clear, concise and direct. Your simple message to your kids, which does not require lectures or big sit down conversations is, “Your job is to take care of your responsibilities, which includes getting your homework done and helping out in the house. That’s my expectation for you. Once you’ve done that each day, you are welcome to do what you’d like.” Remember, as a parent your job is to essentially help your child do her job.

Related content: What to Do When Your Child or Teen is Suspended or Expelled from School “My Child Refuses to Do Homework” — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over School Work

About Debbie Pincus, MS LMHC

For more than 25 years, Debbie has offered compassionate and effective therapy and coaching, helping individuals, couples and parents to heal themselves and their relationships. Debbie is the creator of the Calm Parent AM & PM™ program and is also the author of numerous books for young people on interpersonal relations.

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Frustrated mom This is by far the very worst parenting advice I have ever heard. Can it be anymore vague and general? There’s literally nothing in this article that deals with actually doing homework! In fact it is more so a guide on things that most parents already know and should More be doing! The other part of this article is basically saying that you should allow your child to be their own authority. Do kids not need to learn to obey rules in today’s world? A lesson in life is that your children aren’t always going to be given a choice and when they are given a choice, it doesn’t mean they’re going to like any of the possible outcomes. Allowing them to think they have a choice in order to circumvent basic responsibilities is completely and utterly counter productive! I had to do homework when I was a kid whether I liked it or not! I knew this even as a small child. Children historically do not make the best decisions on their own. There’s a reason we have an age where it’s considered by society that you’re officially an adult. Until children reach that age, they don’t have a choice!

I am a special education preschool educator. Yes, I do send homework home for the following reasons:1. It starts good habits relating to reinforcing skills taught at school.

2. It allows me to educate and inform parents on what skills children need to be learning.

3. Some skills need more effort to be learned- such as name writing.

4. I want my kiddos to have a headstart and school is important! Homework is a way of getting kids ahead.

Hands down- my kiddos who learn skills at home- for example "economics homework" are more likely to master this skill when taught at school AND at home! It helps! Trust me! and all kiddos undergo assessments when entering kindergarten and often it is considered a predictor in success for the year!

georgeesmith Very methodical, can give a try to make it possible :)

lisakelper9 Sounds good but very hard to implement in reality. But still its a good attempt.

JackRusso1 I disagree with this as a whole. This person has no idea what children are really like. Children are stressed a lot, nagging them won't help. They don't want to talk about homework at home because then the parent asks irritating questions. It's not that they don't care, it's that More they need to do things on their own. When a parent is constantly on their backs the child gets stressed out. In my eyes, few parents understand this. Believe it or not...I'm 13 and I can do better then you. This isn't a helpful list of tips, it's a list of how to make the situation worse!

Oh my goodness!   This all sounds very charming but has no real application!  

Let me give you my scenario of raising a "Defiant" child:

Our homework structure is that she work at her well organized desk...quite charming in fact.  

She is expected to work 15 minutes per subject which is a grand total of an hour and 30 min.

No tech unless all work is complete and no matter what, no tech before 6:30 pm.

Down time for reading (which she loves) is after homework and her home chore is done.

we have a rewards currency.  We have a consequence system.  

Guess what?  It is not that simple.  She will waste her time "studying" so we require her to log notes on what she is reading so does not just sit and stare at her books for an hour and a half (which she will do).  We periodically check her log as she is working and help review info.  Again...quite charming.

She is failing most of her subjects because she does not bring ANY assigned work home.  None.  And then she lies about the work that we track down.  

She is not internally nor externally motivated. 

Sometimes a child is not emotionally mature enough to handle things like this and their brains are unable to really connect action and consequence.  Sometimes you need to let your child fail.  I hear from her teachers "I have no idea what to do with _________"  My response is....there is nothing YOU can do.  Only what ______ can do and she chooses not to.

A child who is unable to focus on learning is focusing on something else instead.  For my daughter it is the undying need for acceptance....peer acceptance.  So how to retrain the brain is tough.  Wish me luck because THERE IS NO ANSWER!  THERE IS NO FIX!

I often wonder about the value of homework. While I appreciate the article and noted some key takeaways here that will be very helpful to me, such as "Learn how to inspire, not control" and "Measure your success as a parent by how you behave"...I often find myself yelling at my seven year old angel because she just doesn't have an interest in learning..and then I spend the rest of the night disgusted with myself for being angry with her. She is the sweetest, most lovable little girl filled with street smarts. But she's behind in school, slow with reading, and fights me constantly with her homework.

I stepped up over the summer and had assignments all summer long so she could hopefully catch up. But little has changed. She continues to have no interest, which I interpret as lazy. She would much rather watch Netflix or play; something I try to balance. I wasn't a great student in school but I did love homework. I hated the "institution" and rebelled against control. But I've managed to make a good life for myself because I've been highly motivated, driven and disciplined. My concern is she doesn't seem to have those traits...yet. It might still be too soon. However, I struggle to push too hard (contrary to how it sounds) because I'm a big advocate of work-life balance.

She is busy all day with school and activities and the idea of having her do more when she gets home before she rests, plays or unwinds, seems like corporal punishment. Yes. And I'm not dramatic. But really? I get the importance of establishing a good work ethic. However,  I work all day. When I get home, I'm tired. I take a break before I tend to house chores. Nothing gets neglected but I pace myself. I also take home work but that's done later in the evening, after I've tended to my family AND had some down time. Don't kids deserve down time too?

I hate putting this pressure on my child, yet I know the pressure she feels being a slower reader, struggling with phonetics, etc. is as great if not worse. I can see her as a very successful person later on because she has very strong social skills and a kindness that far surpasses most of the other kids I've seen. But I struggle with finding that balance between pushing academics and just letting time prove itself. I am a big advocate of moderation and balance, yet I really struggle with applying that value in today's academic world which starts as young as kindergarten!

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How to help your kids with homework (without doing it for them)

Lecturer in the Faculty of Education, Monash University

Lecturer, Monash University

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Parents are a child’s first and most important teachers . Parent involvement in their child’s learning can help improve how well they do in school. However, when it comes to helping kids with homework, it’s not so simple.

While it’s important to show support and model learning behaviour, there is a limit to how much help you can give without robbing your child of the opportunity to learn for themselves.

Be involved and interested

An analysis of more than 400 research studies found parent involvement, both at school and at home, could improve students’ academic achievement, engagement and motivation.

School involvement includes parents participating in events such as parent-teacher conferences and volunteering in the classroom. Home involvement includes parents talking with children about school, providing encouragement, creating stimulating environments for learning and finally – helping them with homework.

Read more: What to do at home so your kids do well at school

The paper found overall, it was consistently beneficial for parents to be involved in their child’s education, regardless of the child’s age or socioeconomic status. However, this same analysis also suggested parents should be cautious with how they approach helping with homework.

Parents helping kids with homework was linked to higher levels of motivation and engagement, but lower levels of academic achievement. This suggests too much help may take away from the child’s responsibility for their own learning.

Help them take responsibility

Most children don’t like homework. Many parents agonise over helping their children with homework. Not surprisingly, this creates a negative emotional atmosphere that often results in questioning the value of homework.

Homework has often been linked to student achievement, promoting the idea children who complete it will do better in school. The most comprehensive analysis on homework and achievement to date suggests it can influence academic achievement (like test scores), particularly for children in years seven to 12.

But more research is needed to find out about how much homework is appropriate for particular ages and what types are best to maximise home learning.

Read more: Too much help with homework can hinder your child's learning progress

When it comes to parent involvement, research suggests parents should help their child see their homework as an opportunity to learn rather than perform. For example, if a child needs to create a poster, it is more valuable the child notes the skills they develop while creating the poster rather than making the best looking poster in the class.

Instead of ensuring their child completes their homework, it’s more effective for parents to support their child to increase confidence in completing homework tasks on their own.

Here are four ways they can do this.

1. Praise and encourage your child

Your positivity will make a difference to your child’s approach to homework and learning in general. Simply, your presence and support creates a positive learning environment.

Our study involved working with recently arrived Afghani mothers who were uncertain how to help their children with school. This was because they said they could not understand the Australian education system or speak or write in English.

However, they committed to sit next to their children as they completed their homework tasks in English, asking them questions and encouraging them to discuss what they were learning in their first language.

In this way, the parents still played a role in supporting their child even without understanding the content and the children were actively engaged in their learning.

2. Model learning behaviour

Many teachers model what they would like their students to do. So, if a child has a problem they can’t work out, you can sit down and model how you would do it, then complete the next one together and then have the child do it on their own.

3. Create a homework plan

When your child becomes overly frustrated with their homework, do not force them. Instead, together create a plan to best tackle it:

read and understand the homework task

break the homework task into smaller logical chunks

discuss how much time is required to complete each chunk

work backwards from the deadline and create a timeline

put the timeline where the child can see it

encourage your child to mark completed chunks to see the progress made on the task

4. Make space for homework

Life is busy. Parents can create positive study habits by allocating family time for this. This could mean carving out one hour after dinner for your child to do homework while you engage in a study activity such as reading, rather than watching television and relaxing. You can also create a comfortable and inviting reading space for the child to learn in.

Parents’ ability to support their child’s learning goes beyond homework. Parents can engage their child in discussions, read with them, and provide them with other ongoing learning opportunities (such as going to a museum, watching a documentary or spending time online together).

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How to make school life a little less difficult for kids

Actually useful ways to help children with homework, bullying, and mental health.

by Allie Volpe

In early 2020, around the onset of Covid-19 lockdowns, Jessica Mungekar noticed her seventh grade honor student, Layla, retreat. “I knew that she felt really uncomfortable and she wanted to fall into the background,” Mungekar says. “She didn’t want to be noticed and I didn’t quite understand it.”

Meanwhile, Layla was keeping the source of her pain secret from her mother: She was being bullied and was struggling with her identity as a biracial teen in a predominantly white town. Layla feared if she told her mom about the extent of the bullying, Jessica would have called the school, making the problem even worse.

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Things came to a head the summer before Layla’s first year of high school when she shared with her mom details of a traumatic event. Layla urged her mother not to make decisions on her behalf in the aftermath. Instead, Jessica went into what she calls “mama bear mode” and made demands of her daughter: Cut off contact with these friends, join these extracurricular activities, you are only allowed out of the house during these hours. Layla felt like her autonomy was being taken away.

Over the course of a few months, mother and daughter worked to repair their relationship and communication. Now, Jessica says she is sure to listen to Layla instead of immediately offering advice, validates her daughter’s feelings, and gives her freedom to express herself. For her part, Layla confides in her mother all the time, even about her dating life. Her friends often seek out Jessica for counsel, too. “She’s become a safe place where people go to get advice,” Layla, now 16, says. “She’s joyous and doesn’t pass judgment.”

Students are faced with a daily barrage of potential stressors: a demanding course load, tricky social dynamics, managing both their time and emotions. In a four-year study designed to estimate the prevalence of mental disorders in kindergarteners through 12th graders, findings showed one in six students exhibited enough symptoms to meet the criteria for one or more childhood mental disorders, such as anxiety disorders and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. According to a 2019 Pew Research Center report, 61 percent of teens said they felt a lot of pressure to get good grades. About 22 percent of 12- to 18-year-old students reported being bullied during the school year in 2019, per a National Center for Education Statistics survey . None of these statistics takes into account the toll of the pandemic, which set students back academically and had negative effects on their mental health .

Once kids leave the house, parents and other adults in their lives have little influence on their students’ school days. Unable to witness or guide children through the difficulties in and out of the classroom, parents often get piecemeal or incomplete views of how their kids spent the last hours, especially if the child is young and can’t adequately verbalize their struggles or frustrations. Signs that a student may be experiencing hardship at school include increased irritability, difficulty sleeping or lack of sleep, and changes in appetite, says Jessica Kendorski , the chair of the school psychology department and professor at the Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine. They may also say they feel sick in order to stay home, when in reality they may be stressed or anxious about school, Kendorski says.

Another indicator of a struggling child includes extreme people-pleasing, says Meredith Draughn , the school counselor at B. Everett Jordan Elementary School in Graham, NC, and the 2023 American School Counselor Association Counselor of the Year. High school students may also exhibit a “freeze” response, Draughn says. “It’s like well, that kid just doesn’t care, right? That kid’s super apathetic,” she says. “What we find when we dig into it more is they’re so overwhelmed by everything that’s happening that they just choose to do nothing because they don’t know how to address it.”

What, then, is the right way to support the students in your life? The tactics will vary based on the age of your child and the issues they’re facing. Regardless of your approach, experts say to always keep your kids in the loop of any decisions you’re making about their emotional and academic success.

Encourage growth mindset tactics for academic achievement

From homework to challenging classes, students experience a number of academic hurdles. Sometimes, they may fail a test or drop the ball on a project. While some students may criticize themselves (“I’m not smart enough”) or claim the material was too difficult, parents should promote a growth mindset : the ability to learn from setbacks, implement new processes, and improve. “You want to praise the effort and the strategies that they used,” Kendorski says. “If they fail something, you want to talk through ‘Why did you fail this? Let’s talk about what you can do to be successful next time.’”

A fixed mindset is one where people believe their skills are set in stone and they have no possibility of improving. When students in his classroom share fixed mindset sentiments like “I can’t do this,” elementary school teacher Josh Monroe is quick to amend the statement: “You can’t do this yet .” The power of yet helps students “understand that you don’t have to know it all right now — and it’s important that you don’t, that’s how you grow,” he says.

While it’s crucial to encourage a growth mindset with students who use negative self-talk, like “I’ll never learn this” or “I’m not good enough,” a fixed mindset can also backfire if you constantly tell a student “You’re so smart,” Kendorski says. “When things start to get really difficult, you might find kids that don’t want to take chances,” she says, “because they think that if I fail, I’m going to lose that ‘I’m so smart’ title.” Instead, she says, focus on accomplishments based on effort and strategies: “I’m really proud of you for organizing a study group with your friends.”

To help ensure your kids get their homework done and prepare for tests, Kendorski encourages a routine: dedicating a time and a place for schoolwork. If your student retains information more effectively if they study for a little bit each day instead of cramming, offer that as an option.

When the kid in your life asks for help with homework and you’re a little rusty on, say, algebra, don’t feel ashamed to admit you don’t know how to solve the problem, Draughn says. Monroe recommends the online educational tool Khan Academy , which features videos that guide both parents and students through all levels of educational concepts and lessons. For additional academic resources, reach out to your student’s teacher who will know about after-school tutoring sessions or extra guidance, Draughn says. “Going to teachers early and often, when help is needed, is the most crucial part of it,” she says, “because there are those programs, but they do fill up pretty quickly.”

Empower students to navigate difficult social situations with confidence

School can be a social minefield, with kids learning how to independently interact with peers and regulate their emotions. If your child shares that they’re being picked on or ostracized in school, Draughn suggests that you first validate their experience and never downplay their emotions. Ask them what level of support they want: Do they think it would be helpful to talk to a school counselor or a teacher? Or do they prefer you to reach out to the teacher directly? In Layla Mungekar’s experience, she would have opted for her mother to not interfere with her social life. “Letting them lead the way on that is important,” Draughn says. “They may say, I feel like I have the tools to handle this — and that’s great. Then you check in. But doing nothing and just not mentioning it again is not going to help anything.”

You might also start counseling your kid on self-advocacy and assertiveness at home, too, Draughn says, helping them identify moments where they should speak out against bad behavior and pointing out trustworthy adults to whom they can report issues, regardless of whether they are on the receiving end or have witnessed another student being bullied. “If someone is making you feel socially or physically unsafe, that’s the time to speak up,” says Tracee Perryman , the author of Elevating Futures: A Model For Empowering Black Elementary Student Success . Again, only reach out to the school yourself after talking it over with your kid.

However, your child may simply be shy and reserved, not the victim of bullying. Perryman says to help build confidence with the kids in your life by reminding them that what they have to say is important and they have valuable interests and insights worth sharing with others.

When it comes to social media, Jessica Mungekar discovered teens will “do what they’re going to do, whether you want them to or not,” she says. It’s better to listen if your child is involved with social media-related conflict, remind them they are not in trouble, and support them as you work to create a plan together. “I think it’s important in this day and age for kids to have social media because otherwise they get [alienated] by their peers,” Layla Mungekar says. “But it’s a lot safer when parents have those conversations, like yeah, this is going to happen and when it does happen, you should feel safe to come to me and not be blamed for that.”

Experts emphasize the transitory nature of school. While it’s crucial for students to apply themselves academically and make strides socially, remind them that one speed bump, fight with a friend, blunder, or bad grade will not drastically alter the trajectory of their lives. “It’s better that I make those mistakes now,” Layla says, “while I have someone there to help me.”

Promote balance to minimize stress

Just like adults, kids can get stressed due to the demands of school and extracurriculars, as well as conflicts with friends and family. If kids are sleeping very late on weekends or too tired to do activities they typically enjoy, like spending time with friends, they might need more balance in their schedules, Perryman says.

Ask your kid directly: “Are you playing T-ball three nights a week because you like it or you feel like you have to?” or “You had three extracurriculars last semester and it was really overwhelming for you. Do you want to pick two for this coming semester?” Draughn suggests. Remind your kid that just because they step away from a hobby now doesn’t mean they can’t come back to it in the future. Make sure students have one weeknight and one weekend day solely devoted to downtime, too, Draughn says. However, don’t discount the fact that sports and other activities can be rejuvenating for kids, even if they’re not resting.

Parents and supportive adults are quick to problem-solve for the kids in their lives, but Kendorski stresses the importance of asking, “Do you want me to listen? Or do you want me to help?” Your child might just want to vent about a tough baseball practice. When Layla wants validation and a hug from her mom, she asks her “to be a waterfall.” When she’s feeling less emotionally charged, then Layla and her mom can problem-solve.

For high-achieving students who may be stressed about grades and college applications, Kendorski suggests asking your kids what story they’re telling themselves about success. For example, they might worry that a bad test grade means they’ll never get into their dream college. Help them map more realistic outcomes by thinking about the absolute worst-case scenario and alternative paths. For example, the worst that could happen if they fail a single test is maybe they get a C for the quarter. But reinforce how if they study and complete all their homework, the likelihood of failing is minimized.

Remember not to make your stress their stress. Children are intuitive and can pick up on how the adults in their lives are feeling, Kendorski says. Instead of turning away from uncomfortable emotions, encourage open communication. If you’re disappointed in a mediocre grade, try saying, “I’m feeling a little bummed about the C on that test, but that’s my issue. I know you work hard and with some more practice, I know you’ll do better next time.”

Parents should always validate their child’s struggles and encourage caring for their mental health. Whether they’re seeking support from a trusted teacher or you think they’d benefit from speaking with a therapist — ask them how they’d feel about chatting with a professional before scheduling an appointment — remind them that “mental health is health,” Draughn says. That matters more than any test score.

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How to help your child with homework

by: The GreatSchools Editorial Team | Updated: June 13, 2023

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Here are ways to best help your child when she’s doing homework:

Have your child settle into a good study space.

Help your child focus., keep school supplies close at hand., set up a regular time for homework., stay close by while your child does homework., review the work when your child says he’s finished..

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How to Help Your Child Study

Regardless of a child’s age or challenges, parents can encourage sound homework routines for a successful start to the school year.

By Brian Platzer and Abby Freireich

Every cartful of new school supplies is loaded with promise: binders organized by subject, crisp homework folders and pristine notebooks. But for many parents it can feel like it’s just a short hop from those freshly sharpened pencils to a child in full meltdown over a barely started English essay.

You don’t have to let go of the optimism. As parents, teachers and tutors, we have some concrete advice for staving off the tears — for both parents and children.

Regardless of a child’s age or challenges, parents can encourage sound homework routines for a successful start to the school year. First, students should consider how to create organized work spaces, backpacks and lockers cleared of clutter and systematized for easy retrieval of important assignments. Second, nightly to-do checklists are a must to help prioritize and plan ahead.

But many students still struggle when it comes to homework. Their stress tends to be exacerbated by three primary challenges: procrastinating , feeling overwhelmed and struggling to retain information . Ideally, parents can help elementary school children develop effective homework habits so they will not need as much guidance as they get older. Parents who are not home during their kids’ prime homework hours can try out some of these ideas on the weekends and pass along the best practices to their caregivers.

For Procrastination

Reduce potential distractions..

Many students finish reading a sentence, and then refresh their Instagram feed. Ideally, their phones should be nowhere near them during homework time. Or they should disable or mute apps and texting functions on the phone and computer while they work. We know this will mean a grumpy adolescent. But it’s a battle worth fighting. Establish a family tech-space where phones and laptops go when not in use. And model these boundaries by leaving your devices there, too!

Back to School Shopping Made Easy

Send your kids to school with A+ supplies that will last the year through. We worked with the experts at Wirecutter to compile this list of essentials that’ll make shopping for school supplies a breeze.

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Because differences are our greatest strength

Homework anxiety: Why it happens and how to help

By Gail Belsky

Expert reviewed by Jerome Schultz, PhD

Quick tips to help kids with homework anxiety

Quick tip 1, try self-calming strategies..

Try some deep breathing, gentle stretching, or a short walk before starting homework. These strategies can help reset the mind and relieve anxiety. 

Quick tip 2

Set a time limit..

Give kids a set amount of time for homework to help it feel more manageable. Try using the “10-minute rule” that many schools use — that’s 10 minutes of homework per grade level. And let kids know it’s OK to stop working for the night.

Quick tip 3

Cut out distractions..

Have kids do homework in a quiet area. Turn off the TV, silence cell phones, and, if possible, limit people coming and going in the room or around the space.

Quick tip 4

Start with the easiest task..

Try having kids do the easiest, quickest assignments first. That way, they’ll feel good about getting a task done — and may be less anxious about the rest of the homework.

Quick tip 5

Use a calm voice..

When kids feel anxious about homework, they might get angry, yell, or cry. Avoid matching their tone of voice. Take a deep breath and keep your voice steady and calm. Let them know you’re there for them. 

Sometimes kids just don’t want to do homework. They complain, procrastinate, or rush through the work so they can do something fun. But for other kids, it’s not so simple. Homework may actually give them anxiety.

It’s not always easy to know when kids have homework anxiety. Some kids may share what they’re feeling when you ask. But others can’t yet identify what they’re feeling, or they're not willing to talk about it.

Homework anxiety often starts in early grade school. It can affect any child. But it’s an especially big issue for kids who are struggling in school. They may think they can’t do the work. Or they may not have the right support to get it done. 

Keep in mind that some kids may seem anxious about homework but are actually anxious about something else. That’s why it’s important to keep track of when kids get anxious and what they were doing right before. The more you notice what’s happening, the better you can help.

Dive deeper

What homework anxiety looks like.

Kids with homework anxiety might:

Find excuses to avoid homework

Lie about homework being done

Get consistently angry about homework

Be moody or grumpy after school

Complain about not feeling well after school or before homework time

Cry easily or seem overly sensitive

Be afraid of making even small mistakes

Shut down and not want to talk after school

Say “I can’t do it!” before even trying

Learn about other homework challenges kids might be facing . 

Why kids get homework anxiety

Kids with homework anxiety are often struggling with a specific skill. They might worry about falling behind their classmates. But there are other factors that cause homework anxiety: 

Test prep: Homework that helps kids prepare for a test makes it sound very important. This can raise stress levels.

Perfectionism: Some kids who do really well in a subject may worry that their work “won’t be good enough.”

Trouble managing emotions: For kids who easily get flooded by emotions, homework can be a trigger for anxiety. 

Too much homework: Sometimes kids are anxious because they have more work than they can handle.

Use this list to see if kids might have too much homework .

When kids are having homework anxiety, families, educators, and health care providers should work together to understand what’s happening. Start by sharing notes on what you’re seeing and look for patterns . By working together, you’ll develop a clearer sense of what’s going on and how to help.

Parents and caregivers: Start by asking questions to get your child to open up about school . But if kids are struggling with the work itself, they may not want to tell you. You’ll need to talk with your child’s teacher to get insight into what’s happening in school and find out if your child needs help in a specific area.

Explore related topics

Ten Homework Motivation Strategies for Children and Teens

Use these 10 strategies to end the homework wars..

Posted September 6, 2015 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

When it comes to homework, parents get burnt out hearing these hollow and suspicious words: "I did it at school," "They didn't give homework today," "It hardly counts for my grade," "My teacher never looks at my homework anyway," "That assignment was optional." As parents, hearing these words is enough to drive you crazy.

As I write in my book, 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child , parents must not let their emotions get the best of them when their kids are not getting homework done. The strategies below are for helping your child or teen get unstuck:

• Nix the nagging! Pestering creates an adversarial, shaming dynamic that backfires. Instead, try my Calm, Firm, and Non-Controlling approach. Gently empower your child or teen by supportively saying, "I see that you are frustrated. Let's think of ways to help you get back on track with your homework/schoolwork."
• Encourage effort over perfection. Be mindful that kids tend to get intimidated when they have a hard time understanding material. They may get into negative self-talk like, "I can't do this." Even if they're truly thinking this way, parents may instead hear comments like, "I hate this." or "This is stupid." Remind your child or teen that doing his best effort is better than not doing it at all.
• Prioritize. Coach and encourage that the order that homework is done based on urgency, complexity, and workload. At the same time, realize that some students do better by starting with easier tasks and that this can help spark them to tackle more demanding assignments.
• Break it down. Reinforce breaking up homework time into manageable chunks and encourage taking regular breaks. Encourage moving around and walking away for a bit. Remind that an apple really does provide the same effect, and is healthier than an energy drink.
• Think "15 minutes of pain." Have the student set a timer for only 15 minutes. Keep it lighthearted and explain that even if it "hurts" doing the work, she can stop after 15 minutes. Like most things in life, once we push ourselves and get going, it's not so bad.
• Don't be consequence ravenous. Imposing consequences for homework not being done can backfire with defiant behavior. If you use consequences, don't present them with yelling. Keep them reasonable and ask the student to help you be able to move towards rewards (don't go overboard) and minimize consequences. Remember that real, natural consequences are the best motivators.
• Encourage connection. Encourage the student to make or re-establish a connection with his teacher. I have seen hundreds of kids "shoot themselves in the foot" with incomplete homework if they don't have a decent relationship with their teacher.
• Change up the homework/study surroundings. Try putting an inspirational poster by the desk, moving to a different room, or silencing the cell phone. New changes can create more changes.
• Use those study halls. Encourage the use of them as much as possible. Some kids lose sight of that more done at school, means less to do at home.
• Allow for some fun. Notice if your student is racing through the homework just to have fun. Fun time like, TV, phone time, or surfing the web, is welcome, but make sure you put limits on it.

Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D. , is a psychologist and the author of seven books, including 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child.

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How Much Should I Help My Child With Their Homework?

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• Pre-K and Kindergarten
• School-Aged Children
• Middle and High School

What If My Child Never Asks for Help?

• What to Do If You Have Concerns

It's fairly normal for homework to be a task dreaded by most kids. But when you become a parent, you might find that you dread homework just as much as your children do! Simply getting kids to sit down and work can be a struggle, and fitting homework into a family’s busy schedule can also be challenging. Not only that, but it can be really hard to watch a child wrestle with the material.

As such, most parents want to intervene in some way. Yet many end up feeling confused about their role when it comes to homework. How much should you push a child who is having trouble applying themselves to the task? How much help should you offer? And what if your child doesn’t seem to need your help with homework at all?

Here, we’ll connect with experts regarding the best approach to helping your child with their homework, broken down by age.

How Much Homework Help Should My Pre-K Child or Kindergartener Need?

Above all else, the work of a pre-K or kindergarten-aged kid should be to engage in play, says Bibi Pirayesh, Ed.D., founder and educational therapist at OneOfOneKids.org . “It's also important to do activities that support motor functions, sound-letter correspondence, and informal math,” she says. “But what parents should really encourage is children’s natural sense of wonder and wanting to initiate challenge and learning, not perfection.”

Still, sometimes children this age are assigned homework, though most of the time the workload is light, and children are given leeway in terms of what they are expected to accomplish. When it comes to learning outside of school at these ages, Katelyn Rigg, M.Ed., a literacy and reading specialist, says that your job as a parent is to be a “coach” for your child, working to reinforce the concepts they're already studying at school.

“For example, if the students are learning the letter B, parents can take the opportunity to talk about the letter, go on a scavenger hunt for things around the house that start with the 'B' sound, and practice letter formation using kinesthetic experiences like playdough,” Rigg suggests.

Above all else, don’t push your young child when it comes to homework. “The most important goal of this stage should be to associate school and learning with positive emotions,” Dr. Pirayesh says. The aim is to encourage children to branch out, try things on their own, and support their efforts.

How Much Homework Help Should My School-Aged Child Need?

Homework becomes more of a “thing” as your child gets a little older, though it tends to be light in early elementary school, increasing in amount as the years pass. Typically by third grade , kids receive up to three assignments per week, and homework can take up to 20 minutes. Fourth and fifth graders may get daily homework, lasting about 30 minutes or sometimes more.

In elementary school, homework focuses on concepts children are studying in class, and its purpose is to practice and reinforce what’s already been learned, says Brianna Leonhard, certified teacher, board certified behavior analyst (BCBA), and founder of Third Row Adventures . As such, children should be able to do the vast majority of their homework on their own, without much help.

Still, many children want or need a bit of help with their homework in elementary school, and that’s perfectly normal, says Rigg. She suggests trying an “I do / We do / You do” model for doing homework together with your child.

“A parent may do the first question, then they complete the second question with their child, and finally, the child completes the final question on their own,” Rigg describes. This idea can be adapted to whatever homework or academic skills your child is working on. “It allows parents to be involved and supportive of their child's education, but also leads children to develop independence.”

How Much Homework Help Should My Tween or Teen Need?

Homework will become more of an independent task for your child as they age. However, they may need some hand-holding as they make the transition from elementary school to middle school, where they are suddenly getting homework from multiple teachers instead of just one.

During the tween and early teen years, kids are still developing their executive functioning skills—tools that help them plan and execute tasks, says Dr. Pirayesh. You can support them by implementing "scaffolding," which involves helping them break up tasks into smaller, more manageable chunks, and setting up clear daily goals.

Homework during high school should still be mostly about practicing skills already taught and is not meant to teach new material, says Leonhard. So if a parent is having to spend time teaching their tween or teen the material covered on the homework, they should reach out to the child’s teacher in the event they're having trouble grasping what's being studied in class.

That said, homework in high school can be challenging, and your child might be struggling because of the increasing difficulty in topics. If your child can mostly complete the task at hand, but needs a little additional help from you from time to time, that’s typically not a problem, she adds.

Students with learning disabilities such as ADHD may need more parental assistance with homework, says Riggs. That’s also typical and okay. “Teachers may not be able to find the time to provide this added support for students, so parents may have to provide it at home,” she explains. “Parents can also support teenagers who may need assistance with studying and organizational skills, while helping find strategies that work for their children to prepare them for adulthood.”

Some kids never seem to need help with homework, and that can be just as confusing for parents as kids who need endless help. If your child is getting by without help, there’s no need to intervene.

“As long as a parent knows that the child is completing the required homework, meeting the grade-level expectations, and understanding the content, then this is perfectly fine,” Riggs says. “Parents should make sure they are asking their independent children about what they're learning, what their homework is, and offering help if they need it.”

What to Do If You Have Concerns About Your Child’s Homework

When your child is struggling with homework or seems to need a greater than average amount of assistance, you might be wondering what you should do. First of all, you shouldn’t assume that incredibly challenging homework is something that is typical, says Dr. Pirayesh.

“I think many parents assume that homework being a nightmare is normal,” she explains. "But it can be a sign that something deeper is going on.” Your child could potentially have a learning disability, she says, or they just may need more effective daily routines around completing assignments.

Whatever the case, don’t blame your child for the difficulty—your best bet is to connect with your child’s teacher sooner than later, Dr. Pirayesh offers. Talk to the school about what is going on during homework time, and discuss what options might be available to make it more manageable for your child.

Riggs agrees that building an effective partnership with your child’s teacher is imperative. “As a teacher, I am so grateful when a parent asks about their child's learning and wants to be an active participant in helping their child be successful,” she says.

Of course, if you have concerns about your child's learning, it's also a good idea to speak with their pediatrician or healthcare provider.

A Word From Verywell

There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to how involved a parent should be during homework time. The goal is for your child to become more independent as they get older. For the most part, it makes sense to go with your instincts in terms of how much to assist or when to pull back. At the same time, homework should not be a nightly struggle, and if that's the case for your family, you shouldn’t hesitate to reach out to your child’s teacher for help.

National Education Association. The Power of Play in Kindergarten .

Learning Disabilities Association of America. How Much Time Should Be Spent on Homework?

Harvard University Center on the Developing Child. Executive Function & Self-Regulation .

National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. What are some signs of learning disabilities?

By Wendy Wisner Wendy Wisner is a lactation consultant and writer covering maternal/child health, parenting, general health and wellness, and mental health. She has worked with breastfeeding parents for over a decade, and is a mom to two boys.

Don’t Help Your Kids With Homework

Focus on prioritization and process, not the assignment itself.

So much of the homework advice parents are given is theory-based, and therefore not entirely helpful in the chaos of day-to-day life. People are told that students should have “ grit .” They should “ learn from failure .” But it’s hard to know how to implement these ideas when what you really need is to support a kid who has a chemistry test and two papers due in the next 48 hours but seems to be focused only on Instagram.

Some parents manage to guide their kids through these moments with relative ease. Others hire tutors. The large majority of us, however, are stuck at home alone, trying to stave off our own breakdowns in the face of our children’s.

While reprimanding your child for not having started her homework earlier may be your natural instinct, in the midst of stress, it will only make her shut down or lash out. In our experience as teachers, tutors, and parents, the students who feel terrible about procrastinating are more likely to have anxiety and negative feelings that will only fuel their continued procrastination. So instead of admonishing your procrastinator, take a deep breath and try to figure out how she’s going to manage the tasks at hand. Help her make a realistic plan to manage her time. Try to model understanding, even when you’re upset.

Having tolerance for challenges will allow her to approach future frustrations from a more positive perspective. Easier said than done, to be sure, but try to work with your child to identify not only how but why her homework habits are suffering. This understanding will be crucial to helping her transform these habits into more effective ones.

Read: The cult of homework

Because most of us are programmed to focus on present rather than future fulfillment, it’s easy to put off something we dread. Kids who procrastinate almost always do so because they have negative associations with or feelings about a particular task. Unfortunately, avoiding assignments usually lowers students’ self-esteem and makes them dislike the topic that much more, resulting in a vicious cycle of procrastination. Therefore, it’s important both to address why students are procrastinating—what’s upsetting them about the work at hand—and to give them practical tools to manage their time and set priorities.

If you’re worried that your child is the only one in her class who takes ages to get started on her homework, fear not. Students in our classes—and our own kids too, just like many of us adults—have found every which way to put off sitting down to tackle the one thing they know they need to get done. There are all kinds of reasons kids avoid doing their homework. Maybe they’re concerned about what a teacher will think, or that their work won’t measure up to a friend’s. Maybe they’re distracted by something that happened in school that day.

Whatever the case may be, the first step here is determining out what’s stressing your child out in the first place.

If your child fears what her teacher will think if she makes mistakes: She should start off by independently reviewing the material that she feels unsure of, and then reach out to her teacher for further help if she needs it. Assure her that asking questions and making an effort are important to her teacher. Take it from us: Teachers see questions as a sign of an engaged, conscientious, and curious student. No matter the teacher’s temperament or reputation, she will respond positively to your child coming to her with sincere questions and hard work.

If your child fears parental judgment due to bad grades: Remember that although high marks may be important to you, focusing on process and effort is key to your child’s success, not to mention that putting too much pressure on her can lead to resentment. Help your child create a process she can rely on for her work. Better effort will help your child engage with the material and yield better results in the long run.

If your child fears her best friend’s judgment: Start by encouraging your child not to discuss grades with her friends. Middle schoolers in particular tend to share their marks with one another, and it usually just makes kids feel lousy. The “What did you get?” question is tough for all students, especially in the middle grades, when they are looking for affirmation from their peers. Your child’s grades are no one else’s business. While her best friend may do well in history, he may have more trouble with math than your child does. Or maybe he seems great at everything now, but he actually struggles in art class, and in the future he’ll be a terrible driver or have an awkward first date. In other words, we all have subjects—or areas of our lives—that come more or less easily than others. Challenges are inevitable. What matters most is how we approach them.

If your child fears she isn’t capable: First acknowledge how painful this feeling must be. Then reassure her that she is capable and give concrete anecdotes so she doesn’t roll her eyes. Share with her a moment when you thought you couldn’t do something, but you learned to conquer the task. And be honest! Your kid will know that you didn’t really wrestle that champion alligator. Emphasize the importance of determination, effort, and persistence in whichever example of your successes you choose to share.

If your child is exhausted: Prioritize only what’s really essential. Try to help your child go to bed earlier. She can always wake up early to complete smaller assignments if need be. Getting major work done while exhausted is a losing battle for everyone. Help her plan ahead. Create a schedule for completing small portions of a larger assignment over the course of several days or weeks to make overwhelming work seem more manageable.

Read: My daughter’s homework is killing me

Once you figure out what’s driving your child’s procrastination, you can strategize with her about logistics. Start by removing temptation when possible. Of course she’d rather see where her friends went this afternoon than stare at a blinking cursor, and if all it takes is a simple click or swipe for your child to access social media, it’s going to take her eons to finish an assignment. It will be almost impossible for her to develop an argument that flows if she’s tempted by her phone. So all possible impediments to success should be removed. Disabling social-media and messaging apps and having a conversation about the purpose of setting technology limits is an important first step. Putting her phone aside will also help her compartmentalize time so that she can get her work done more thoroughly and then have free time afterward. Technological boundaries may lead to major pushback—especially now, when kids rely on technology for most forms of socializing—but this temporary misery is undoubtedly worth it in the long run.

And emphasize that short-term pleasure equals long-term pain. Empathize with children who do not want to do something that’s hard. Then remind them that the immediate instinct to procrastinate and play video games will make life miserable later. While they may resist and grumble, helping establish rules will ultimately prevent suffering tonight, tomorrow, and next week. Kids thrive in the comfort, reliability, and safety of a structured, focused work environment. It’s never easy, but on evenings when you want to tear your hair out because your child won’t sit down to work, reinforce the message that short-term gratification will only get in the way of long-term goals.

Finally, explain the relevance of the assignment. If kids don’t understand why they’re doing the work, they’re more likely to be frustrated. For example, your child might ask, “Why do I need to know algebra? I’ll never use it when I’m older.” You can tell the truth: “You probably won’t need to know about variables in everyday life, but learning algebra will give you a framework for understanding how to break down and solve complex tasks down the road.”

Learning to work independently, without a teacher’s direct counsel, is key to building academic and personal autonomy. So when your child is overwhelmed, help her figure out why, and then model strategies that foster independence, confidence, and well-being.

This piece is adapted from Freireich and Platzer’s new book, Taking the Stress out of Homework . Every Tuesday, they answer education-related questions . Have one? Email them at [email protected].

Helping kids with homework

Wondering how to help your kids with their homework this year? Psychologist Eleanor Mackey has some tips.

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Now that school is back in full swing, many households are dealing with how to handle homework. Helping your child be successful at homework is very important because it is a very critical part of children’s academic success. Homework helps children in several ways, including:

• continues learning after the school day
• teaches responsibility
• helps parents stay aware of what their child is learning in school

Being involved in your child’s homework is important. As with all parenting endeavors, though, there is a fine line between being too involved and not being involved enough.

So, what’s a parent to do?

Step 1: Set expectations

Set up appropriate expectations for your child and their homework responsibilities. For example, depending on the age of your child, they might be responsible for determining which homework needs to be done, doing the actual homework and putting their completed homework into their backpack. 

It is very important that the child take responsibility for the actual homework, not the parent. A parent might commit to finding a quiet space for the child to do the homework, checking answers, double checking that everything has been done, as well as being on hand to answer questions.

Step 2: Set up a good study space

There must be a designated homework space in the house free of noises and distractions. If possible, try to make this fun. For instance, a colleague of mine mentioned she got her kindergarten-aged son a “homework box” that has everything he needs including pencils, erasers, scissors, etc. He puts his homework folder by the box when he comes home and then has everything he needs. I think this is a great idea to help with organization for any age.

Step 3: Schedule when homework will be done

It is important to teach kids that homework must be done on time. Set aside a certain time of the evening for homework to be completed. Put it in the calendar like any other activity so that there is always time for it. Younger kids will need the schedule made for them. Children older than 10 years of age may be able to take charge of putting homework and specific assignments into the schedule and then have a parent check it for them.

For younger grades, there is usually homework that is shorter-term and due in quick succession, which can be easier to manage and plan. 

For older kids, often there is advanced planning that needs to be done, for example a term paper. Help your kids learn how to break up long-term assignments into chunks and assist in planning when each section will be completed. 

Step 4: Motivate! 

Your encouragement goes a long way towards motivating your child to do homework. Praise your child for steps along the way, not just successful completion of homework. For example, praise them for remembering their homework, for stopping other activities without complaint when it is homework time, for continuing a challenging task or for good grades. 

It is best to build internal motivation for homework, or the desire to complete it for their feelings of pride in good work done and for caring about their academics. However, some kids may benefit from external motivators, such as earning a pass from other chores in exchange for doing homework or earning the ability to engage in preferred activities when homework is done.

Still having homework challenges?

If your child is still having difficulty with homework, there are some additional steps you can take. For more pointers, I like the book “ Homework Without Tears ” by Canter and Hausner. It may also be important to talk with your child’s teacher to strategize on how to help your child. You may also want to consult a psychologist to determine if educational testing may benefit your child. 

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How to Help Your Child With Homework

Last Updated: March 29, 2022 References

This article was co-authored by Ashley Pritchard, MA . Ashley Pritchard is an Academic and School Counselor at Delaware Valley Regional High School in Frenchtown, New Jersey. Ashley has over 3 years of high school, college, and career counseling experience. She has an MA in School Counseling with a specialization in Mental Health from Caldwell University and is certified as an Independent Education Consultant through the University of California, Irvine. There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 12,727 times.

Being involved in your child's education throughout their school years is incredibly important to their success. If your child is having trouble getting their homework done on their own, or having difficulty with particular subjects, helping them learn good study habits and methods can correct problems and prevent new ones. Even older kids who don't ask for your help can benefit greatly from ensuring they have good study habits and enjoy learning. By creating a plan, sticking to it, and finding extra help when necessary, the school year will go much smoother for both you and your child.

Assisting with a Difficult Problem or Assignment

• Make sure to read the material given to your child, not look up explanations online first. You may end up finding a different method or explanation than the teacher is using, and this can cause unnecessary confusion for your child.

• Ask questions to clarify instructions if you think it is necessary. Their answers will help you decide how much help they need.
• If they do not clearly understand, go over the lesson in the textbook with them. Ask them to read a section and then explain it in their own words.

• To help your child understand the material, ask them to complete a few sample problems. This ensures they grasp the concept and gives them a chance to practice their skills.

• For writing assignments, you might say “Good job with indenting paragraphs,” or “This is a great start. What do you think happens next?” [1] X Research source
• Do not get angry if they continue having trouble with a problem or assignment. Punishing them for not understanding will likely cause them to stop asking for help.
• Do not give away answers, but explain how to find them. Ask the teacher if you need assistance, or find a reputable tutor.

• In addition, it's best to give your child a break between school and homework. Instead of pushing them to complete their assignments as soon as they get home from school, let them play freely or participate in an extracurricular activity before starting their homework. [3] X Research source

• If the problem relates to your child's learning style, you can try to reframe the information from a different perspective, but make sure the teacher knows you did so and specifically why your child had trouble with the assignment as given. Send a note or email to their teacher explaining the circumstances.
• For older elementary or middle school students, allow them to ask their teacher for help instead of doing it for them. The more agency kids have in their learning, the more they actually learn. [5] X Research source

• Ask your child to read the problem out loud, restate what the question is asking, and detail the steps they need to take to solve the problem.
• Only go over in detail those assignments or problems your child has particular trouble with. Don't read over every assignment they get for the rest of the year, or they will not learn as much and/or will become too dependent on you.

Providing Guidance

• Homework provides a chance to review and practice concepts or skills they learned in class.
• Practicing offers a chance to see where more explanation might be needed before the next class.
• It teaches necessary study skills and self-discipline for succeeding as schoolwork becomes more involved and specialized as teens, like time management and independence.
• It gives them the chance to explore a subject or idea more fully than was possible in the classroom.
• It teaches them how to process and use information in general, which will help in every aspect of life as they get older.
• Children who do more homework, in general, score better on standardized tests through secondary school.

• Ask what, if any, problems or stumbling blocks they had the previous year or semester. Did they start homework too late in the evening to finish before bedtime? Did they have trouble concentrating in the location where they tried to work?
• Where do they see areas for improvement? Are there certain subjects that they need to spend more time on each day? Is there another time or area where they might be able to study better?
• If they didn't enjoy a certain task, like reading, discuss ways to make it more fun. Maybe you could set up a special reading nook under a small tent in a corner, or designate a comfortable chair for reading and let your child decorate the space around it.

• For instance, your child could do their homework at the kitchen table every day at 4 pm. Alternatively, they may complete their homework in their room after dinner each night.
• Get a calendar or planner for them to write down their study time, a daily list of assignments, and any due dates, if applicable, for larger projects.
• Make sure to account for after-school activities or sports on the weekends. Some days they might need to do homework at a different time to adjust for other activities. [9] X Research source
• Try different times for studying at the beginning of the year, before homework gets heavy, to evaluate together when your child works best. Maybe they concentrate better after dinner than before. Perhaps they find it more helpful to do homework after 30 minutes after coming home from school, while lessons from the school day are still fresh on their mind.

• Turn the TV off or don't include one in the room where they will be working.
• Let them listen to background music if it helps them concentrate, but make sure it isn't distracting. Instrumental music is best.
• Have a computer if they need one, but set up filters to make sure they don't get caught up in internet. Ask the teacher if they post assignments or examples on their own website or a school-run blackboard. Sometimes, students can send questions via the web to teachers as they are working. [10] X Research source
• Keep loud siblings away. For older kids, if there is not a place in the house where they can be alone, the library may be a better study spot. [11] X Research source

• Help your child learn to organize their time efficiently early in their school career so they will be able to do it on their own by high school.
• It's best to learn study tips early in elementary school, instead of waiting until homework becomes unmanageable simply because they haven't developed a way to break up larger tasks.

• Get a language program like Rosetta Stone, or download a free phone app, and work on lessons while your child does homework. Since you have to speak during lessons, sit in a nearby room or open room while they work at their desk in the bedroom or office. Show them your progress to encourage them to study hard throughout the year.
• Going over your expenses or checkbook demonstrates why learning math is important. Instead of using a calculator, let younger kids see you do the work by hand like they do.
• If your child needs to visit the library, pick out some books on a topic about which you want to learn. Don't always choose the same subject, but learn something new to show your child that it's important to expand your knowledge.

Working with Teachers

• Check the first couple answers on an assignment to make sure your child understood it, but don't look over the whole assignment for accuracy. [14] X Research source
• Ask if they were able to complete everything or if they have any questions about the assignment you might clarify. If they completed a math assignment and just had trouble with one problem, you might be able to identify any missteps. If they couldn't do any of them, you and the teacher may need to find another method of teaching them the necessary skills.
• If you had to give your child a lot of help on an assignment, make sure the teacher knows. Write “completed with parental help” on the assignment or send an email or a note to their teacher.

• Generally, in K-2, homework should ideally take 10-20 minutes a day (independent of reading practice); for 2-6, 30-60 minutes a night is average; from 7th grade on, the amount should depend on specific assignments and may vary from day to day. [15] X Research source
• Find out if the teacher has open hours for extra help every week.
• Make sure you know what materials you need to provide your child. Typically, elementary school kids get a list of supplies on the first day, or even earlier. If not, ask the teacher what your child should bring to class everyday.
• Find out their homework and attendance policies. What happens if a student fails to turn in an assignment? How do you arrange to make up a test if your child has to be absent?

• It is important for students to take responsibility for their own learning. If you aren't sure they will ask for help, send the teacher a message letting them know your child will be approaching them for extra help at the next class, but give your child the responsibility of doing so on their own.
• Ask the teacher for advice on other resources your child can use at home—study websites, reference books, a good tutoring app, etc. [16] X Research source

• Always come to a parent-teacher meeting with a cooperate spirit and leave with a solution or plan to address the issue. [18] X Research source
• If the teacher is not budging--the workload seems way too high, they don't understand the problem, they won't take responsibility for helping your child learn--make an appointment with the school's principal to discuss it.

Expert Q&A

You Might Also Like

• ↑ http://www.greatschools.org/gk/articles/tips-for-helping-your-child-with-writing-assignments/
• ↑ Ashley Pritchard, MA. Academic & School Counselor. Expert Interview. 4 November 2019.
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pride-and-joy/201209/battles-over-homework-advice-parents
• ↑ http://www.parenting.com/article/help-kids-with-homework
• ↑ http://www2.ed.gov/parents/academic/help/homework/part4.html
• ↑ http://www2.ed.gov/parents/academic/help/homework/part5.html
• ↑ http://www2.ed.gov/parents/academic/help/homework/part8.html

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