blood orange night book review

Blood Orange Night: My Journey to the Edge of Madness

Melissa bond.

288 pages, Hardcover

First published June 14, 2022

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BLOOD ORANGE NIGHT

My journey to the edge of madness.

by Melissa Bond ‧ RELEASE DATE: June 14, 2022

A vivid chronicle of suffering.

A harrowing memoir about a class of drugs as dangerous as opioids.

Making her book debut, journalist and poet Bond, a blogger for Mad in America, recounts her unintended overuse of popularly prescribed benzodiazepine drugs, which led to addiction and a long, painful process of withdrawal. In 2009, pregnant with her second child and caring for an infant son with Down syndrome, Bond experienced weeks of insomnia that left her physically and emotionally exhausted. “After nine weeks,” she writes, “my hands begin to shake. There’s the feeling of being broken, of the head and body not being connected. Some puppeteer jangles my legs, my head.” After the first trimester, her doctor finally prescribed Ambien, assuring her that it would be safe for her nursing infant and growing fetus. At first, Bond was relieved: Ambien worked. Soon, however, the effects sharply diminished. The author learned only later that the medical literature advised taking benzos only occasionally, for a few weeks; she kept swallowing Ambien for months. After her daughter’s birth, her doctor substituted Ativan, another benzodiazepine. Each time its effects stopped, the doctor increased the dose and then added Xanax. Still suffering from insomnia, Bond experienced other symptoms as well: memory loss, olfactory hallucinations, fainting, nausea, digestive problems, and depression, which became exacerbated when she tried to taper the dose. A frantic internet search revealed information that startled her: She was undergoing active drug withdrawal, much more severe with benzos than with opioids. “While the physical withdrawal of opioids is safely done in seven to ten days,” she writes, “benzo withdrawal can be ten times that long.” Furthermore, sudden withdrawal can be fatal. Bond’s anguish affected her relationships with friends and family (her mother had been an addict) and especially with her husband. Marital stress added to her despair, as did her frustration in finding medical help. Bond’s sharp critique of big pharma and the broken American health care system sounds an urgent alarm.

Pub Date: June 14, 2022

ISBN: 978-1-982188-27-6

Page Count: 288

Publisher: Gallery Books/Simon & Schuster

Review Posted Online: April 11, 2022

Kirkus Reviews Issue: May 1, 2022

BIOGRAPHY & MEMOIR | HEALTH & FITNESS | SCIENCE & TECHNOLOGY | PSYCHOLOGY | SURVIVORS & ADVENTURERS | GENERAL BIOGRAPHY & MEMOIR

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Awards & Accolades

Our Verdict

New York Times Bestseller

by Stephanie Johnson & Brandon Stanton illustrated by Henry Sene Yee ‧ RELEASE DATE: July 12, 2022

A blissfully vicarious, heartfelt glimpse into the life of a Manhattan burlesque dancer.

A former New York City dancer reflects on her zesty heyday in the 1970s.

Discovered on a Manhattan street in 2020 and introduced on Stanton’s Humans of New York Instagram page, Johnson, then 76, shares her dynamic history as a “fiercely independent” Black burlesque dancer who used the stage name Tanqueray and became a celebrated fixture in midtown adult theaters. “I was the only black girl making white girl money,” she boasts, telling a vibrant story about sex and struggle in a bygone era. Frank and unapologetic, Johnson vividly captures aspects of her former life as a stage seductress shimmying to blues tracks during 18-minute sets or sewing lingerie for plus-sized dancers. Though her work was far from the Broadway shows she dreamed about, it eventually became all about the nightly hustle to simply survive. Her anecdotes are humorous, heartfelt, and supremely captivating, recounted with the passion of a true survivor and the acerbic wit of a weathered, street-wise New Yorker. She shares stories of growing up in an abusive household in Albany in the 1940s, a teenage pregnancy, and prison time for robbery as nonchalantly as she recalls selling rhinestone G-strings to prostitutes to make them sparkle in the headlights of passing cars. Complemented by an array of revealing personal photographs, the narrative alternates between heartfelt nostalgia about the seedier side of Manhattan’s go-go scene and funny quips about her unconventional stage performances. Encounters with a variety of hardworking dancers, drag queens, and pimps, plus an account of the complexities of a first love with a drug-addled hustler, fill out the memoir with personality and candor. With a narrative assist from Stanton, the result is a consistently titillating and often moving story of human struggle as well as an insider glimpse into the days when Times Square was considered the Big Apple’s gloriously unpolished underbelly. The book also includes Yee’s lush watercolor illustrations.

Pub Date: July 12, 2022

ISBN: 978-1-250-27827-2

Page Count: 192

Publisher: St. Martin's

Review Posted Online: July 27, 2022

BIOGRAPHY & MEMOIR | ENTERTAINMENT, SPORTS & CELEBRITY | GENERAL BIOGRAPHY & MEMOIR

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by Brandon Stanton

by Brandon Stanton photographed by Brandon Stanton

by Brandon Stanton ; photographed by Brandon Stanton

LOVE, PAMELA

by Pamela Anderson ‧ RELEASE DATE: Jan. 31, 2023

A juicy story with some truly crazy moments, yet Anderson's good heart shines through.

The iconic model tells the story of her eventful life.

According to the acknowledgments, this memoir started as "a fifty-page poem and then grew into hundreds of pages of…more poetry." Readers will be glad that Anderson eventually turned to writing prose, since the well-told anecdotes and memorable character sketches are what make it a page-turner. The poetry (more accurately described as italicized notes-to-self with line breaks) remains strewn liberally through the pages, often summarizing the takeaway or the emotional impact of the events described: "I was / and still am / an exceptionally / easy target. / And, / I'm proud of that ." This way of expressing herself is part of who she is, formed partly by her passion for Anaïs Nin and other writers; she is a serious maven of literature and the arts. The narrative gets off to a good start with Anderson’s nostalgic memories of her childhood in coastal Vancouver, raised by very young, very wild, and not very competent parents. Here and throughout the book, the author displays a remarkable lack of anger. She has faced abuse and mistreatment of many kinds over the decades, but she touches on the most appalling passages lightly—though not so lightly you don't feel the torment of the media attention on the events leading up to her divorce from Tommy Lee. Her trip to the pages of Playboy , which involved an escape from a violent fiance and sneaking across the border, is one of many jaw-dropping stories. In one interesting passage, Julian Assange's mother counsels Anderson to desexualize her image in order to be taken more seriously as an activist. She decided that “it was too late to turn back now”—that sexy is an inalienable part of who she is. Throughout her account of this kooky, messed-up, enviable, and often thrilling life, her humility (her sons "are true miracles, considering the gene pool") never fails her.

Pub Date: Jan. 31, 2023

ISBN: 9780063226562

Page Count: 256

Publisher: Dey Street/HarperCollins

Review Posted Online: Dec. 5, 2022

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Jan. 1, 2023

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Book Review: Blood Orange Night by Melissa Bond

Dec 15, 2023 | Book Reviews , Memoir , Non-fiction | 9 comments

Addiction is a popular topic these days, with no shortage of narratives, both fiction and non-fiction, detailing the rise of highly addictive drugs. The opioid crisis is one that most of us are familiar with now, and if you live in an urban area like I do, you’re likely used to seeing people suffering on the streets from these drugs on a regular basis. Blood Orange Night, My Journey to the Edge of Madness by Melissa Bond is about a different but also highly addictive family of drugs: benzodiazepines. Otherwise known as ‘benzos’, they include Xanax, Valium, Klonopin, and Ativan, drugs that are found in many of our medicine cabinets. This memoir is not only a warning, it’s a cry of outrage; the fact that they are so readily prescribed without caution about their ability to change one’s brain chemistry is terrifying, and Bond’s story is a shocking look at how dangerous they can be when misused.

Book Summary

Melissa Bond is in the blissful state of early marriage when she discovers she’s pregnant only weeks after tying the knot. After the birth they’re surprised to learn their son Finch has Down syndrome, but they quickly shift and accept their new reality. Unfortunately, this is when Melissa’s insomnia also begins, and shortly after she returns to work, she also loses her job at a small magazine. With these big changes, her insomnia slowly grows worse and worse, and is faced with numerous doctors who shrug their shoulders, unable to help a nursing mother. Then she discovers she’s pregnant again, and her second child is born, a healthy girl named Chloe. Melissa’s insomnia worsens, and with a baby and a special needs toddler, sleep is something she desperately needs more of. She begins to spiral into depression, and her husband grows distant, resentful of her emotional state and the fact she isn’t able to work. Then comes ‘Dr. Amazing’ (a licensed practitioner who studies both eastern and western medicine) who gives Melissa a prescription for Ativan. It works for a few weeks to help her sleep, but it slowly loses its effectiveness, so he doubles her dose (!) and gives her prescription refills for a full year. Her insomnia returns, and she begins to experience strange symptoms; she has trouble focusing, reading, and falls alot. She decides to do some research on the internet and quickly discovers how dangerous Ativan is, most sites declaring people shouldn’t take the drug for longer than 4 weeks at a time.

My Thoughts

A very visceral book, there is lots of focus on physical symptoms, and even though I’ve never truly been sleep deprived, Bond’s descriptions of her state of mind are believable and frightening. Everything about this book is rooted in the physical; from the most detailed and descriptive c-section I’ve ever read about, to the way the floor feels as she clings to the carpet riding out a bout of pain, it’s surprising how many things external to Bond get the spotlight. Beauty however, is what seems to get her through this incredibly difficult period. She forces herself to find beauty in things outside of her body; the outdoors, the humming of her child, the sunlight that fills their playroom; although the thought of suicide does cross her mind, it’s quickly pushed away as she’s reminded of her children’s dependance on her.

It’s normal to read a summary about the spiral of descent into drug addiction and pick apart of the actions of the person to differentiate yourself from their path, likely many of you did this just by reading the book summary paragraph above. Did you think “oh I would have questioned a doubling of my prescription” or “I would have looked up Ativan on the internet before I ever took it”, or were you like me and decided this couple was short sighted for having two kids so close together (they assumed they couldn’t get pregnant because she was breastfeeding – a very prevalent myth!) It’s easy for us to dismiss another person’s story of addiction, telling ourselves that would never be us falling into that same trap, but the frequency of these memoirs and stories should give us pause. In the afterword, this is what the author points out – she reported Dr. Amazing and nothing ever came of it, he’s still practicing today. It took Melissa years to wean herself off these drugs because if you stop try cold turkey, or go to too fast, you can suffer seizures. The brain literally needs this drug to function after being on it for an extended period, which is why it can be dangerous when prescribed incorrectly. I’m the kind of person that generally trusts doctors, and I actively avoid doing my own googling when it comes to health stuff because I think it causes more anxiety than its worth, but stories like these make me rethink that strategy, the old saying ‘be your own advocate’ sounds more prudent these days.

Both content and form work well together in this memoir, and even though it can difficult to read about, it’s a worthwhile story to witness and absorb. Even if it’s not directly applicable to your own life, it offers a valuable lesson in empathy for the silent struggles of others.

Spread the Word!

You’re right, I did pick her apart. I will never understand how a person is surprised they are pregnant. I will never understand the partner, after not having used birth control, is surprised (and sometimes mad) a pregnancy can happen.

It could be different in the U.S.A., but as soon as I got pregnant, doctors were warning me how easily I could pregnant right away again. It’s the first thing they talk to you about when you have the baby – birth control. And yet these myths still persist? I don’t know why.

Especially the one about breastfeeding as a natural form of birth control.

OH MY GOD this sounds like a nightmare. I hope she’s okay now?

Yes! She is, she seems much better. She does TED talks and speaks quite openly about this, so I think she’s much better now.

Prescription drug abuse has never been quite such a big issue over here because they’re very controlled by the NHS system. But sadly the black market still always seems to manage to provide supplies somehow, although street drugs like heroin are still a much bigger problem here. Somehow it seems worse when someone gets addicted to a drug that was initially prescribed by a doctor, though.

Oh that’s interesting FF, I’m glad to hear things are better over there. Canada isn’t as bad as the U.S. because of their health care system – our public health care system cuts down on some of this, whereas Americans are used to paying for things out of pocket which upsets the balance between dr and patient

Definitely a worthwhile story. I think we could all stand to take more responsibility for our health and well-being and stories like this remind us of the risks when we hand over that power to strangers.

So very true Marcie! I struggle with advocating for myself, but I’m getting better as I get older haha

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Blood Orange Night

A memoir of insomnia, motherhood, and benzos.

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Table of Contents

• Rave and Reviews

About The Book

About the author.

Melissa Bond is a narrative journalist and poet. During her years of dependence on benzodiazepines, Melissa blogged and became a regular contributor for  Mad in America . ABC World News Tonight interviewed her for a piece in January 2014. She is a respected writer on the perils of overprescribing benzodiazepines and has been featured on the podcasts  RadioWest  and  Moms Don’t Have Time to Read Books . Her memoir  Blood Orange Night  was selected as one of the best audiobooks of 2022 by The   New York Times  and  Moms Don’t Have Time to Read Books . Learn more at MelissaABond.com.

Product Details

• Publisher: Gallery Books (August 1, 2023)
• Length: 304 pages
• ISBN13: 9781982188283

Browse Related Books

• Self-Help > Substance Abuse & Addictions > Drug Dependence
• Biography & Autobiography > Personal Memoirs
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Raves and Reviews

“In this raw and captivating debut , journalist Bond chronicles her volatile descent into a benzodiazepine addiction... Pairing her unsparing candor with the same deep compassion she finds in the physician who helped her level out, Bond’s narrative casts a burning light onto the hazards of overprescribing and the threat it poses to vulnerable people. This cautionary tale stuns. ” — Publishers Weekly (Starred Review)

“ A harrowing memoir about a class of drugs as dangerous as opioids … Bond’s sharp critique of big pharma and the broken American health care system sounds an urgent alarm. A vivid chronicle of suffering .” — Kirkus Reviews

“Bond's story, with lines like ‘the blood orange night turns red and screams through my eyes,’ is an eloquent cautionary tale .” — Booklist “A page-turner memoir chronicling a woman’s accidental descent into prescription benzodiazepine dependence – and the life-threatening impacts of long-term use – that chills to the bone.” — Nylon “Deeply personal insight into the ongoing benzodiazepine epidemic.” — AV Club

“In her propulsive, poetic memoir, Blood Orange Night , Bond narrates her experience in harrowing detail… Told with a journalist's commitment to fact and a poet's touch.” — Shelf Awareness

“ An engaging testament to the powers of self-advocacy and resilience written with lyrical clarity and heart. This cautionary tale will help many understand how prescription drug dependency can happen and the strength and courage required to overcome it. Highly recommended. ” — Library Journal

“There is a line in this evocative memoir that I will not forget, for it so perfectly sums up the effect that benzodiazepines have had on millions of lives: ‘Benzos are the thief that steals everything you own a piece at a time.' In Blood Orange Night , Melissa Bond writes of the thief that crept into her life with the narrative skills of a fine novelist .” —Robert Whitaker, author of Anatomy of an Epidemic and Mad in America

“ Blood Orange Night is a beautifully written and exceptionally moving firsthand account of Melissa Bond’s struggle with addiction to benzodiazepines. It should be read by anyone considering taking or prescribing medication for insomnia.” —Irving Kirsch, PhD, author of The Emperor’s New Drugs: Exploding the Antidepressant Myth

“ This is the best-written and most immersive personal story on benzos that I have read. Melissa Bond summarizes the benzodiazepine crisis that is invisibly growing in the shadow of the opioids when she writes: ‘Benzos dismantle the brain over time. Instead of a swift and sudden death by overdose, there is a slow slide into disability.’ Immersed in her deeply personal story and peppered with pulsating prose, Blood Orange Night shows the terrifying but not uncommon consequences of using these drugs long-term as prescribed.” —Bernard Silvernail, Co-founder and President, The Alliance for Benzodiazepine Best Practices

“ Blood Orange Night has it all: sex, ABC World News with Diane Sawyer , brutal addiction that’s not addiction, and outright beauty (not necessarily in that order). There’s also a hilarious kiddo with Down Syndrome lighting the book from the inside, but he’s just the cherry on top of a magnificent cake of a book. If we were at a dinner party together and you asked me about it, I’d tell you to get the thing; get this book now and devour it. It’s that good.” — Stephanie Wilder Taylor, author of Sippy Cups are not for Chardonnay

“With the unblinking eye of a journalist and the highly attuned heart of a poet, Melissa Bond brilliantly lays out the abyss prescribed benzodiazepine tranquilizers opened in her life… Blood Orange Night cuts to the bone. Here, truly, is hell on earth, and I can’t help but be awed by the strength and perseverance Bond manifested to emerge intact for her own sake and for that of her children.” —Matt Samet, author of Death Grip

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Blood Orange Night : Book summary and reviews of Blood Orange Night by Melissa Bond

Summary | Reviews | More Information | More Books

Blood Orange Night

My Journey to the Edge of Madness

by Melissa Bond

Critics' Opinion:

Readers' rating:

Published Jun 2022 288 pages Genre: Biography/Memoir Publication Information

Rate this book

About this book

Book summary.

Brain on Fire meets High Achiever in this visceral, propulsive memoir detailing a woman's accidental descent into prescription benzodiazepine dependence and the life-threatening impacts of the drugs' long-term use.

As Melissa Bond raises her infant daughter and a special-needs one-year-old son, she suffers from unbearable insomnia, sleeping an hour or less each night. She loses her job as a journalist (a casualty of the 2008 recession), and her relationship with her husband grows distant. Her doctor casually prescribes benzodiazepines—a family of drugs that includes Xanax, Valium, Klonopin, Ativan—and increases her dosage on a regular basis. Following her doctor's orders, Melissa takes the pills night after night; her body begins to shut down and she collapses while holding her infant daughter. Only then does Melissa learn that her doctor—like many doctors—has over-prescribed the medication and quitting cold turkey could lead to psychosis or fatal seizures. Benzodiazepine addiction is not well studied, and few experts know how to help Melissa as she begins the months-long process of tapering off the pills without suffering debilitating, potentially deadly consequences. Each page thrums with the heartbeat of Melissa's struggle—how many hours has she slept? How many weeks old are her babies? How many milligrams has she taken? Her propulsive writing crescendos to a fever pitch as she fights for her health and her ability to care for her children. Lyrical and immersive, Blood Orange Night shines a light on the prescription benzodiazepine epidemic as it reaches a crisis point in this country.

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Media Reviews

Reader reviews.

"In this raw and captivating debut, journalist Bond chronicles her volatile descent into a benzodiazepine addiction...Pairing her unsparing candor with the same deep compassion she finds in the physician who helped her level out, Bond's narrative casts a burning light onto the hazards of overprescribing and the threat it poses to vulnerable people. This cautionary tale stuns." - Publishers Weekly (starred review) "Bond's sharp critique of big pharma and the broken American health care system sounds an urgent alarm. A vivid chronicle of suffering." - Kirkus Reviews "This cautionary tale will help many understand how prescription drug dependency can happen and the strength and courage required to overcome it. Highly recommended." - Library Journal "Bond's story, with lines like 'the blood orange night turns red and screams through my eyes,' is an eloquent cautionary tale." - Booklist "A terrifying, fascinating story chronicled in a fever-dream of a book. Bond's words crackle with vulnerability and pain but also—as she climbs out of the darkness in which she has been living— hope, strength, and love." - Eilene Zimmerman, author of Smacked "There is a line in this evocative memoir that I will not forget, for it so perfectly sums up the effect that benzodiazepines have had on millions of lives: 'Benzos are the thief that steals everything you own a piece at a time.' In Blood Orange Night , Melissa Bond writes of the thief that crept into her life with the narrative skills of a fine novelist." - Robert Whitaker, author of Anatomy of an Epidemic and Mad in America

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Author Information

Melissa bond.

Melissa Bond is narrative journalist and poet. In the years of her dependence on benzodiazepines, Melissa blogged and became a regular contributor for Mad in America . ABC World News Tonight interviewed her for a piece in January 2014. Melissa is a respected writer on the perils of over-prescribing benzodiazepines and has been featured on the podcasts Risk! , IGNTD , and The Addiction Podcast .

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Blood Orange Night: My Journey to the Edge of Madness

Brain on Fire   meets  High Achiever  in this   “page-turner memoir chronicling a woman’s accidental descent into prescription benzodiazepine dependence—and the life-threatening impacts of long-term use—that chills to the bone” ( Nylon ).

As Melissa Bond raises her infant daughter and a special-needs one-year-old son, she suffers from unbearable insomnia, sleeping an hour or less each night. She loses her job as a journalist (a casualty of the 2008 recession), and her relationship with her husband grows distant. Her doctor casually prescribes benzodiazepines—a family of drugs that includes Xanax, Valium, Klonopin, Ativan—and increases her dosage on a regular basis. Following her doctor’s orders, Melissa takes the pills night after night; her body begins to shut down and she collapses while holding her infant daughter. Only then does Melissa learn that her doctor—like many doctors—has over-prescribed the medication and quitting cold turkey could lead to psychosis or fatal seizures. Benzodiazepine addiction is not well studied, and few experts know how to help Melissa as she begins the months-long process of tapering off the pills without suffering debilitating, potentially deadly consequences. Each page thrums with the heartbeat of Melissa’s struggle—how many hours has she slept? How many weeks old are her babies? How many milligrams has she taken? Her propulsive writing crescendos to a fever pitch as she fights for her health and her ability to care for her children. Lyrical and immersive,  Blood Orange Night  shines a light on the prescription benzodiazepine epidemic as it reaches a crisis point in this country.

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Brain on Fire meets High Achiever in this visceral, propulsive memoir detailing a woman’s accidental descent into prescription benzodiazepine dependence and the life-threatening impacts of the drugs’ long-term use.

As Melissa Bond raises her infant daughter and a special-needs one-year-old son, she suffers from unbearable insomnia, sleeping an hour or less each night. She loses her job as a journalist (a casualty of the 2008 recession), and her relationship with her husband grows distant. Her doctor casually prescribes benzodiazepines—a family of drugs that includes Xanax, Valium, Klonopin, Ativan—and increases her dosage on a regular basis.

Following her doctor’s orders, Melissa takes the pills night after night; her body begins to shut down and she collapses while holding her infant daughter. Only then does Melissa learn that her doctor—like many doctors—has over-prescribed the medication and quitting cold turkey could lead to psychosis or fatal seizures. Benzodiazepine addiction is not well studied, and few experts know how to help Melissa as she begins the months-long process of tapering off the pills without suffering debilitating, potentially deadly consequences. Each page thrums with the heartbeat of Melissa’s struggle—how many hours has she slept? How many weeks old are her babies? How many milligrams has she taken? Her propulsive writing crescendos to a fever pitch as she fights for her health and her ability to care for her children. Lyrical and immersive, Blood Orange Night shines a light on the prescription benzodiazepine epidemic as it reaches a crisis point in this country.

“There is a line in this evocative memoir that I will not forget, for it so perfectly sums up the effect that benzodiazepines have had on millions of lives: ‘Benzos are the thief that steals everything you own a piece at a time.' In Blood Orange Night, Melissa Bond writes of the thief that crept into her life with the narrative skills of a fine novelist.”

Robert Whitaker, author of Anatomy of an Epidemic and Mad in America

“Blood Orange Night is a beautifully written and exceptionally moving firsthand account of Melissa Bond’s struggle with addiction to benzodiazepines.  It should be read by anyone considering taking or prescribing medication for insomnia.”

Irving Kirsch, PhD, author of The Emperor’s New Drugs: Exploding the Antidepressant Myth

“Blood Orange Night has it all: sex, ABC World News with Diane Sawyer, brutal addiction that’s not addiction, and outright beauty (not necessarily in that order). There’s also a hilarious kiddo with Down Syndrome lighting the book from the inside, but he’s just the cherry on top of a magnificent cake of a book. If we were at a dinner party together and you asked me about it, I’d tell you to get the thing; get this book now and devour it. It’s that good.”

Stephanie Wilder Taylor, author of Sippy Cups are not for Chardonnay

Blood Orange Night: My Journey to the Edge of Madness

Melissa bond. gallery, $27 (288p) isbn 978-1-982188-27-6.

Reviewed on: 03/11/2022

Genre: Nonfiction

Compact Disc - 978-1-7971-4155-8

Downloadable Audio - 978-1-7971-4153-4

Other - 1 pages - 978-1-9821-8829-0

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