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How to Solve a Fight with Your Best Friend

Last Updated: January 23, 2023 References

This article was co-authored by Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD . Dr. Sirvart Mesrobian is a Clinical Psychologist based in West Los Angeles and Glendale, California. Specializing in individual, family, and couples treatment for young adults and adults. Dr. Mesrobian provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, motivational interviewing, trauma-focused treatments, and other services. She earned a Master's in Psychology and a Doctorate of Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University. This article has been viewed 299,189 times.

A fight with a friend can feel pretty bad, but a fight with your best friend can feel downright terrible. Luckily, there are things you can do to try to resolve the fight. Try talking to them about what caused the fight and how the fight makes you feel so you can talk through it. You can also take steps to work out your problems and put an end to your conflict. If you’re both feeling too emotional, taking some time apart from each other can help clear your head so you can reassess the situation.

Talking About It

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Tip: Tell an inside joke that only they would get to add a level of intimacy and make them laugh at the same time. For example, if you’re both fans of the TV show “The Office,” you could say something like, “We’re basically Jim and Dwight right now.”

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Working Things Out

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Tip: If your best friend apologizes to you for something they did or said that hurt you, be willing to accept their apology. It may not make your pain go away immediately, but you need to recognize that your friend is acknowledging that they were wrong and that they’re sorry.

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Spending Time Apart from Your Best Friend

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Tip: Venting to mutual friends about your frustrations can be healthy, but you shouldn’t insult or be mean when you discuss your fight with your best friend.

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Adam Dorsay, PsyD

Adam Dorsay, PsyD

Take a step back and ask yourself, "Is this a friendship that's working? Are we helping each other? Is this friendship one-sided?" Spending time on a friendship that's going downhill actually doesn't serve you. Don't invest time in a friendship that isn't good for you.

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12 Expert Solutions for Your Everyday Friendship Problems

Gina Ryder

Friendships can bring joy—or sorrow. Since there's no rule book on what to do when things get tense or go south, we talked researchers, authors, and therapists to learn how to manage the common relationship difficulties we all face.

friends sipping coffee

Broken promises

Friends are crucial for our physical and mental well-being but these relationships aren’t always smooth sailing. In fact, it’s common to experience some serious hurt from your friends and a major way this happens is through broken promises, says Jan Yager, PhD, friendship coach, sociologist, and author of When Friendship Hurts and Friendshifts.   Perhaps he canceled plans at the last minute or she declined to attend an important party. But while it may sting, the first thing to do is remember that no one is perfect, she says. “If you bring a fantasy about what the ideal friend will do in any situation to a relationship, you are setting yourself up for disappointment,” says Dr. Yager. She has an example from her own life: “When my dad passed away, a friend didn’t go to the funeral. Rather than fume, pull away and be angry, I decided to casually ask her why. I said, ‘I was surprised not to see you at my dad’s funeral. It’s OK, I’m just curious.'” Turns out that her friend’s dad recently passed away too and she just couldn’t handle another funeral. “Never in a million years would I have guessed what was going on.” Not sure what makes a good friend? These are the  eight types of friends every woman needs in her life.

friends having tense conversation

When things feel unbalanced

It’s common for relationships to experience periods where things are unbalanced. Maybe one friend is going through a breakup and needs extra support or perhaps it’s possible another friend simply has more to discuss at any given time. This is why it’s so important to ask for what you need, even if it puts you in a vulnerable situation, says  Leslie Jay , LMHC, a professional counselor. “Try saying ‘I’m happy to be able to hear what you’re going through. Sometimes I need to talk. Could you listen to my problems?’ or ‘I noticed I’m always sharing about my life. I want you to tell me something about your life,'” she suggests. To make sure you’re giving as much to your friends as you’re getting, practice these  9 skills for becoming a better listener .

woman at computer looking sad

 Being ghosted

Have a friend disappear on you is tough, especially if you felt close or if the connection seemed promising. Maybe after a fun night out, your friend didn’t reply to messages or left an email unanswered. If you linger on the heartache of being ghosted for too long, we can start to feel resentful and angry, says Dr. Yager. “The basic thing about friendship that’s so important to remember is that it’s optional,” she continues. This goes for both parties. We choose others and others choose us. The challenge is to not to label your self “unchosen” and miss out on meeting new friends or cultivating deeper relationships with existing pals. Keep in mind that it makes sense to feel pain after being ghosted, so give your self some time. Carlin Flora , social science writer and author of the book Friendfluence , says, “One piece of advice is to stop trying to figure out why. It’s better for your mental health to accept that you really don’t know the reason why. Sometimes, you really don’t know what’s going on with other people.” (Here are some quotes about toxic people that will help you heal .)

woman looking sad

Feeling left out

No one likes feeling left out. There’s no worse feeling than when you check Facebook Monday morning to find out that your friends went on a weekend getaway without you. Scott Christnelly , LCSW, a therapist with Talkspace , says, “I encourage clients to express their feelings about it but also not to jump to conclusions.” Then find someone else to talk to—maybe a counselor, a family member, or a close friend (not one who went on the trip)—to explain how you feel. Maybe through that conversation, you can brainstorm what might have happened and how you will respond. In the meantime, take care of your own needs with these  50 science-backed tips for beating loneliness.


Scheduling conflicts

These days, with packed calendars and competing obligations, rescheduling plans with friends is all too common. Arranging hangouts with pals can take weeks of back-and-forth. Jay explains that direct communication is key to overcoming this hurdle. Say, “I really want to see you this week. I know we’re both busy, but how about XYZ?” Direct communication can leave you feeling vulnerable, she says, “but the reward always outweighs the risk.” These  22 heartwarming stories of true friendship  will remind you just how important it is to make time for friends.


Experiencing envy

Maybe you’re still single and your BFF is married. Maybe your best pal is traveling the world and you’re broke, stuck in a cubicle, paying off student loans. Even though you love your friends, you can end up feeling jealous of them. Before this happens, use the envy to your advantage. Sometimes jealousy reveals our deepest desires, says Dr. Yager. Healthy envy can motivate you to become better and be inspired by your friend’s success, she says. She points out that it could be the other way around as well: Your friends might be jealous of you. Either way, Dr. Yager says, “Self-talk can help. Remind yourself of what you do have and that your jealousy is only a temporary feeling that now that you’re aware of, you’re going to work to not let it ruin your friendship.” Envy isn’t all bad.  Here’s how to make jealousy work for you.


A friend breakup

Breaking up with a close friend can be one of the hardest types of breakups to deal with, Flora says. “We don’t talk about the trauma of losing a friend,” she says. What makes grief worse is that you may not feel permission to mourn the loss in the same way you would separating from your partner. “Imagine someone telling their boss that they need to take a day off work because they had a falling out with a friend. It would be seen as bizarre. Now, imagine what would happen if someone asked to take a personal day after a divorce. The boss will say sure,” she explains. Friend breakups can be just as traumatic as a romantic split or family estrangement, and it’s important to honor that pain. “Acknowledgement is big,” says Flora. “Acknowledge that friendship is beautiful and rewarding and that its loss is significant.” Sometimes a breakup, while painful, is for the best—make sure you know the  9 clear signs you’re in a toxic friendship.


Missing someone a little too much

It’s easy to look back on the friendships of youth with longing but if you’re always looking back, you’ll have a tough time getting new relationships to live up to rosy memories. As you encounter new friends, look for common core beliefs, such as a value for creativity or spirituality. “Shared values are the best predictor of longevity in a friendship,” Dr. Yager says. Not only can shared values potentially make a friendship last, but they will influence your well-being in powerful ways. In her book  Friendfluence , Flora writes, “Friendships subtly steer our beliefs, our values, and even our physical and emotional health. Although resolutions to enact new diet and exercise plans and vows to change our character are all too easy to break, if we befriend people whose philosophies and habits we admire, we naturally start adopting aspects of their personalities and lifestyles through a positive desire to be with and to be like our friends.” Grab a buddy and have a laugh at these funny quotes about friendship .

annoyed on phone

You’re bored

If your problem is that you feel the friendship is stuck in a rut, breaking out of this “blah” pattern might take work. “Kick the friendship up a notch with new experiences,” Dr. Yager says. “You can try adding new people to the friendship. If you and your friend always go for coffee, ask one or more new friends to join you. If it’s two couples that always get together, try meeting your friend alone so you can bond in different ways. Go to the movies or take in a show. Take a cooking class together or start a book club.” If even chatting has gotten boring, these  riveting conversation starters will help get it flowing.

friend being comforted

Not feeling like a priority

Remember that all relationships ebb and flow so before you jump to any conclusions, take time to think through all the possibilities, Dr. Yager says. “There can be work, family, romantic relationship, or even other friendship challenges that your friend is dealing with that have nothing to do with you,” she says. “Try to find out what’s going on in your friend’s life that might be causing her to pull away. If your friend is really not responding to you because of you or the friendship, see if you can figure out what’s bothering her.” If you’re not careful, you can damage your friendship, like these  nine ways that paranoia can ruin your relationships.


Growing apart

It’s a sad fact of life: Many friends end up simply growing apart. For instance, when one friend moves on from a “partying stage” during emerging adulthood and no longer has much in common with a former drinking partner. Jay often sees clients who are navigating friendships that are no longer healthy for them. She says the friend who is moving forward can experience guilt and shame for leaving the other behind. The key, Jay explains, is letting friends play roles in your life. Don’t expect too much from any one friend. When you feel ready for a wild night out, call that friend up. “Let people be a certain puzzle piece rather than an entire puzzle,” Jay says. You don’t have to grow apart, however. Use these 14 secrets to make and keep lifelong friendships.


Not enough “IRL” friends

Spending a ton of time on social media can leave you feeling like you have hundreds of friends, yet when you want to grab a coffee or see a movie, there’s no one there. We all need real-life pals and you can’t rely on social media for connection, Dr. Yeager says. One way to bond offline is to set up a structured meeting—a walking crew or book group—that meets regularly. When Flora became a mother, she joined a group of local women with new babies who met regularly in her neighborhood. An organized group can provide guaranteed face time with friends to build on your relationship. The bottom line is that you need to make time to be with friends. Flora writes: “If we understood how beneficial real friends are, I think we’d be less passive and more careful about how we treat them.” Not convinced? Here’s exactly how your social media habits are hurting your relationships .

Gina Ryder

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how to solve problems with friends

Fights with friends

Sometimes friendships can have problems and it can be hard to know what to do. We’ve got some tips to help you out.

Two friends smiling with a sad friend in the background

Being friends doesn’t mean that you’ll never fight

It’s common for friends to fight or have trouble getting along.

Sometimes fights are easy to move on from and they can make your friendship stronger and closer.

Sometimes small fights can turn into large ones and you may have to work hard to sort things out.

Reasons friends fight

Friends can fight for many different reasons. These include:

Feeling excluded


Changes in priorities

Different interests

Personality clash

Broken trust

Feeling disconnected

Different opinions


Different values

Peer pressure


Changes in friendship group

Fighting with a friend?

The way you act during a fight can have an impact on your friendship., here are some tips to help you get through a fight with a friend:.

Fights don’t have to have a negative ending! Dealing with or overcoming a fight together can make your friendship stronger.

- Sky, Kids Helpline counsellor

After a fight with a friend

Allow some time to calm down and relax. When you’re ready, reflect on how you feel and what happened. It might help to ask yourself these questions:

Could you be overreacting?

Is it worth losing a friend over?

What made you upset, hurt or angry?

Who can you talk to outside the situation?

What do you want your friend to do or not do?

What do you need to be able to overcome this?

What’s bothering you the most about this fight?

What role might you have played in this fight?

How would you like things to be with your friend?

What might be going on for your friend to make them act differently?

Working things out

To move past this fight, it’s important that you and your friend talk things through. here’s what you can do:.

When things don’t work out

Take some time to think about your friendship. You might decide to:

End the friendship

Spend some time apart

Only hang out in a group

Still be friends but not as close

If you or your friend decide that the friendship isn’t working

Losing a friend is tough. whatever happened, here are some ways to cope:, when friendships don’t go smoothly it can be a really stressful time, sometimes we need help to deal with fights with friends.

If you need to talk about what’s going on, Kids Helpline is here for you 24/7.

Give us a call , start a WebChat or email us today.

Check these out too:

Expressing your feelings

Expressing how you feel can help you cope when life throws you ...

Coping with emotions

Whether you’re feeling angry, sad, frustrated, lonely, or anxious - it’...

All about respect

Respect is the glue that holds your relationships together. Learn ways to ...

Bullying is never ok. It’s hurtful and can impact someone for ...

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Martha’s long-time friend, Janet, recently missed a birthday luncheon for Martha. “She just didn’t show,” says Martha, who feels hurt and betrayed. “Lately, Janet’s been pulling away. If she doesn’t value our friendship anymore, I’d rather be told than be stood up.”

Actually, Janet has been under a lot of pressure at work, and finding time to “check in” with Martha has been impossible. During the luncheon, Janet was dealing with a crisis and could not get to a phone. When Martha and Janet finally got in touch, Martha was standoffish and cold. “Martha was being so unreasonable,” says Janet. “I grew angry at her for expecting too much from me.”

Martha and Janet’s story illustrates how easily a simple misunderstanding can escalate into a conflict between friends. Good friends are expected to be loyal, honest, trustworthy, fun to be with, reliable, willing to listen, nonjudgmental, caring and supportive. Such high expectations, however, can make close friendships more vulnerable to conflict than casual ones.

Why friendship matters

Sometimes, it may seem easier to walk away from a friendship than address a serious conflict. But, working through such problems and making amends is vital to maintaining worthwhile friendships, both close and casual. Why is this so important?

People need friends to thrive. Friendships provide a sense of connectedness. Friends help you to look at yourself in ways you might never have before. They shed light on your good and bad qualities and boost self-esteem. Friends help ease stress and hardship through laughter and fun times. They can help you get ahead. Friends stand by you in times of despair or grief and celebrate with you in times of good fortune and achievement. Friendships are enriching and worth the time and trouble. Communication is the secret to a healthy, lasting friendship and the key to effective problem solving.

Effective communication

Effective communication involves two parts: presenting information and active listening. Without both, resolving conflict is impossible, as is maintaining your friendships. Practice these skills:

When listening:

When resolving conflict, keep these additional communication tips in mind:

Resolving Conflict: How to Turn Conflict Into Cooperation by Wendy Grant. Element, 1997.

Resolving Conflict with Others and Within Yourself by Gini Graham Scott, PhD. New Harbinger Publications, 1990.

Friendshifts: The Power of Friendship and How It Shapes Our Lives by Jan Yager, PhD. Hannacroix Creek Books, 1997.

Handling Verbal Confrontation: Take the Fear Out of Facing Others by Robert V. Gerald, PhD. Oughten House Foundation, 1999.

The Art of Talking So That People Will Listen: Getting Through to Family, Friends and Business Associates by Paul W. Swets. Simon & Schuster, 1983.

By Christine P. Martin © 2000 Lifescape

CNN values your feedback

5 ways to repair a friendship (or leave it behind if toxic).

Try writing down things you appreciate about your friend.

CNN Chief Medical Correspondent Dr. Sanjay Gupta talks about how how the pandemic has made us reevaluate our relationships in the latest edition of his podcast, “Chasing Life .”

When a friendship hits a stumbling block, how do you know whether to work on the relationship or let it go?

It can be tempting to let a friendship fade instead of facing conflict – especially when life feels overwhelming in other ways – because conflict is hard. But we are already facing a loneliness epidemic , and relationship repair carries further urgency in the face of biological evidence.

“It actually is a matter of life and death,” wrote Lydia Denworth in her book, “Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life’s Fundamental Bond.” “It is carried in our DNA, in how we’re wired. And that means friendship is not a choice or a luxury; it’s a necessity that is critical to our ability to succeed and thrive.”

If you’ve lost touch with good friends or drifted apart in the past year, it could be time to work through hurt feelings and misunderstandings. Think of this work as a form of relationship and self-care, because being stuck in conflict saps valuable energy.

Here are five ways to repair a friendship – or leave it behind if it’s toxic.

1. Reflect and write down the good

Before you face a difficult conversation with a friend, pause and reflect. “Think of a specific moment that this friendship has brought you joy or excitement,” recommended Adam Smiley Poswolsky , author of “Friendship in the Age of Loneliness.” Poswolsky suggested using that memory as inspiration to write down things you appreciate about a friend. He also encouraged sharing that list in conversation with the friend.

“Beginning the communication repair from a place of gratitude and positivity is going to make the conversation a lot more meaningful,” he advised.

And no matter the outcome, the positive intention will remain. “Even if there is still tension and even if you still need to take a friendship pause, or even a long (or permanent) break from spending time together, that appreciation will go a long way to building empathy and mutual understanding,” Poswolsky said.

2. Choose a different way to communicate

If repair efforts have not worked via your usual tech channels, try a different way to communicate. “People are thrilled to get mail that’s not a catalog or a bill. Send more postcards, write more letters or send someone a book you think they would enjoy,” Poswolsky recommended.

He also suggested a deeper letter writing approach: “Try writing letters to each other before you talk. In your letter, include why you think the relationship feels awkward – and why you want to repair it.”

This approach can help you gain empathy and improve communication skills. “You may realize your friend was going through something that you were not aware of. You’ll begin the all-important practice of listening, before you even sit down to talk to each other,” Poswolsky noted.

3. Give it time and try again

People differ in how they deal with conflict, so remember that you may need to give a friendship some breathing room before trying again.

Marisa Franco , a psychologist and friendship expert based in Washington, DC, noted that friendships may require time to settle back into normal post-conflict – and that lingering uncomfortable feelings may require further attention.

01 pandemic rift friendships trnd

The pandemic has destroyed friendships and divided families

“If it’s still awkward, this might suggest that not everyone got to share their side and feel heard,” Franco said.

Franco recommended an honest, affirming approach such as, “Hey! I have felt like things have been a bit off since we had conflict. I’d love to get things back on track since I really value your friendship. I wanted to open up the conversation to see if there’s any more air we need to clear.”

It’s also important to remember that you can only do what you can do. “If the friend would rather not repair, then you can be proud of yourself for acting with integrity. Remember you’re not in control of other people, but on your end, you did all you could,” Franco said.

4. Shuffle the “friendship furniture”

One challenge in long-standing friendships is when we get stuck on the idea of how a relationship used to be. The reality is, we all change as our circumstances and priorities change.

If you have tried to fix a friendship and do not feel that things can go back to the way they were pre-conflict, Denworth suggested considering whether you can stay friends in a more casual way. “I call it shuffling the furniture in your social life,” Denworth said. “Not all friendships last a lifetime, and that’s OK. Evolutionary biologists have found that high-quality bonds require three things: they are long-lasting, positive and cooperative. You need all three.”

5. Follow the red flags

Sometimes a friendship suffers due to a miscommunication, and sometimes the problems run much deeper.

Franco encouraged people not to let a single issue break up a friendship, which is something she sees in her practice. “Conflict is an opening to recalibrate and improve a friendship, and it conveys mutual investment. Don’t give up on friendships because one issue has arisen,” Franco said.

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Sign up here to get The Results Are In with Dr. Sanjay Gupta every Tuesday from the CNN Health team.

But Franco did advise being aware of red flags. “If you take a step back from the friendship and notice that it’s doing more harm than good; for example, your friend isn’t rooting for your success, bullies you, is inconsiderate, or you feel drained or misunderstood by them … it might be time to end instead of mend,” Franco suggested.

Evaluating the balance of harm versus good is crucial. “The science of friendship shows that ambivalent relationships are not great for our health. In other words, the good does not necessarily outweigh the bad if there’s too much bad,” Denworth said. “Be honest with yourself about the health of a friendship and don’t stick with it just for old times’ sake if it’s otherwise hurting you.”

When life feels hard, approaching awkward or painful conversations often falls to the bottom of our to-do lists. But human connection is crucial; it’s time to embrace the awkward, be honest, listen and dive in.

Christine Koh is a former music and brain scientist turned author, podcaster, and creative director. You can find her work at christinekoh.com and on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook at @drchristinekoh.

Your dream. Our vision.

7 easy steps to solve problems of your friend.

how to solve problems with friends

Have you found one of your friends is in some problems and frustrate as he or she could not find any solution? You might help your friend following given steps!

If you are really determined to help your friend, you must ensure that you are available whenever your friend needs you. A genuine will never ask for help and try solving problems he or she is suffering from on their own.However, it does not mean you should not help your friend. If you are a good human, you will definitely desire to help.Well, all you need to do is, to be in the right place at the right time. Make your friend feel you are always available to help even if you are in touch with him or not.

Always have your contact number and address on the phone of your friend, so he or she could contact you whenever needed. Moreover, if you get to know somehow your friend is in some problem, reach to offer help.

how to solve problems with friends

We all know problems cause stress and depression. The same way, your friend might also feel stressed and depressed thinking about all the time of those problems and solutions.You must help him or her with this issue. You can take your friend out somewhere for spending some time together recalling the past days.Remember you should not commence discussing his or her problems during that time. Let your friend make his mind free of tensions for at least some time, it will help in reducing the stress and depression level definitely.You can also recall your unforgettable past days having some desserts from CakenGifts.in that your friend loves. Well, dessert also reduces stress and depress and it recognizes as the symbol of happiness and celebration.Enjoy recalling your past days along with your friend using our same day cake delivery in Kolkata .

Will you be able to help your friend without completely understanding what the problems are? I do not feel you could.

You firstly must understand what has really happened with your friend and how you could help him or her with your ideas. Do not assess anything and let your friend discuss all the problems with you and then you take further action.The best advice that will help you is, ask your friend to tell you exactly what happened and how it became a problem. Keep calm and understand everything carefully.

Judging anyone based on the act, he has done in the past can be the ridiculous thing you should never do.You must understand your friend is suffering from a problem and it is not a good thing to criticize him or her for that. It might be a mistake happened without his complete intention after all.Your only work as a true friend is to help your friend than pointing your friend for something he has unintentionally committed.

how to solve problems with friends

Even if your friend does not want you to get involved in solving his or her problems, assure you will always be with him or her at all circumstances. Assure him you will stay in touch and keep asking to favour without harassing.Show your sincere behaviour towards him and let him decide that he or she wants you to help you or not. We feel he or she will definitely let you help.

Once you have understood what the problems are and how they can solve, you must give some ideas to your friend with the purpose to help him or her overcome them.Never show off and give unworkable ideas. It will never help your friend and can even make your behaviour rough in his or perspective.Stop offering ideas if your friend does not want them and resting you to do so. It might make your friend more frustrated and annoyed. If he wants to handle things, let him do.

Once your friend’s problems solve, tell him or her to let the problems go and move on in the life. Tell him to stop thinking about those problems and their effect on your life as still keeping these things in mind might stress and depress him or her.

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Tiny Buddha

“Treat your friends like you do your best pictures; place them in the best light.” ~Unknown

I recently had a disagreement with a close friend.

There was a good deal of uncontrolled emotion on my side. I wasn’t expressing myself well and I knew it. I became more and more frustrated and less effective at explaining my feelings.

I found myself laying unwarranted blame on my friend rather than admitting openly that something was hurting me and I was feeling vulnerable.

Ultimately, he said the words I was having trouble finding for me, and that resolved the situation.

I was embarrassed and grateful, but I realized I needed to evaluate a few of my shortcomings to avoid making the same mistake again.

I also realized that what I was feeling wasn’t the problem.

It was my inability to effectively convey what was in my heart and on my mind that led to hurt feelings and further misunderstanding.

After much self examination, I’ve come up with a few tips to communicate effectively during a conflict.

1. Think about whether this needs to be said right now, in this moment.

Sometimes the opportunity will be missed if not.

In my case, I felt I needed to bring the subject up right then or I might not have gotten the nerve again. I went for it, but it could have gone better if I’d waited to form a well organized idea of what I wanted to say.

2. Think about the other person’s state of mind.

Is he/she tired, under other stress, or not in an ideal place right now to have a heartfelt talk?

3. Consider if you have a good handle on your emotions.

Also, consider if you have the proper perspective to deal with the potential consequences.

Email, texts, and cell phone calls are not an ideal way to introduce the need to talk about something substantial.

4. Hold off on the confrontation if you feel the time is not right.

There is a marked difference in avoiding a hard topic and thoughtfully planning the ideal time to have a potentially difficult conversation.

5. Focus on breathing to help control your emotions.

If you begin a difficult conversation starting from a place of controlled emotion and grace, the path will be smoother.

6. Keep your perspective broad and realistic.

Don’t place too much importance on a single talk. Most of the progress in relationships comes from a series of discussions as they unravel naturally. Try and stay in the moment and minimize added drama by bringing up old or irrelevant issues.

7. Listen more than you talk.

It’s fine to be heard, but if you are not listening to the other’s response, the discussion is pointless.

8. Avoid adding unnecessary drama.

These things never help to fix a problem and ultimately bring more hurt to all involved. These include ultimatums, yelling, threatening to cut off the friendship, name calling, and personal attacks.

If it comes to that, walk away. Breathe, step back, and allow some time before you try again.

9. Focus on what the person is trying to communicate.

I’m often reminded as a parent to listen to my children’s words and not necessarily the emotion behind them. Emotions are fleeting, and rarely final. They are simply a temporary reaction to the current situation.

My three-year-old sometimes throws temper tantrums when she’s frustrated, but if I listen and respond to her words, it often diffuses her anger. Many times she is telling me she is not feeling heard as the youngest member of our family. I focus on the simple phrase, “Mommy! Listen to me!” Not her screaming voice and kicking feet.

10. Acknowledge the feelings.

If you acknowledge that someone is angry or hurt, you can better understand the sharp or harsh words that may be coming from them. You can choose to help them deal with their emotions or let them regain their composure to talk another time.

11. Take a realistic assessment of your true feelings in the moment.

I tend to distort and add unintended nuances to the words that others say when I am upset. This has caused me a great deal of distress in past conflicts. I am not on the wrong page, but in the wrong book sometimes metaphorically speaking.

After such experiences, I find the other person saying “How did you come to that conclusion from what I said?”

This is a classic example of our ability to inflict the worst hurts upon ourselves.

If I realize that I am upset and try to hear the words being said to me as they are, without my running mental commentary, things come across much clearer.

12. Clear the emotional fog enough to receive the message.

If you need to ask for clarification or even repeat what you think the other person is trying to say, so be it.

13. Know that most well established relationships can weather the occasional conflict just fine.

It can even be an opportunity to grow and evolve as you turn a new corner of understanding one another.

The friend I argued with is the best kind. He challenges me to broaden my perspective. He is relentless in keeping me from settling and expecting too little from life. He pushes me out of the nest over and over when I get too comfortable.

Don’t avoid expressing how you feel for the sake of preserving a friendship.

The foundation of all relationships is grounded on honesty and trust. It’s okay to show weakness, to be wrong, or to just plain melt down from time to time. Each person has something to give and something to learn. Conflict might be considered the way to pass along such knowledge.

I am fortunate my friend knew me well and was willing to give me space and offer forgiveness. The next time I have something to say, I will try to remember this and be more straightforward.

Every challenge with another is a chance to better our response. They give us the chance to practice patience, respect for others, detachment, and compassion. The added benefit is strengthening our relationships and our ability to communicate.

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About Nicole Franco

Nicole Franco is an emerging freelance fiction writer seeking representation for her first novel. She enjoys family, horses, travel, reading, photography, and making others laugh. To read more of her writing or hire her for freelance work, visit francowrites.com .

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how to solve problems with friends

7 Tips on How to Solve a Fight with Your Best Friend ...

how to solve problems with friends

It is really important to know how to solve a fight with your best friend. Best friends are so important, even if you are in your adult years. As much as you love your career and family, you need a best friend, too. I know how much I treasure mine. Learn how to solve a fight with your best friend so that you stay best friends forever.

1 Say “I’m Sorry”

One of the best tips you can follow on how to solve a fight with your best friend is learn the art of apologizing. Sometimes, you just need to say, “I’m sorry.” We are all human and we all err, even when we did not intend to. If you have hurt your best friend, tell them how sorry you are. Many times, this is all it takes to put a fight behind you.

2 Take the Initiative to Talk about It

Don’t let a misunderstanding cause a long term rift between the two of you. True friendship is far too rare to allow that to happen. Take the initiative to talk about it. Sometimes when you do that, your friend will be ready and willing to talk. They were just waiting on you to make the first move.

3 Send a Card

Many times, we feel like we can say things better on paper than we can in actual speaking. I know that I have always been that way. I love to give cards and receive cards for that very reason. They can say what you could never speak. Sending a card is also a way of offering an olive branch.

4 Make Her Laugh

Best friends know each other better than anyone else does. You know what makes her laugh and you know what makes her cry. Why not use that information to help bridge the gap? Crack a joke that only she can understand. Laughter is good medicine, especially if it is shared.

5 Have Someone else Talk to Her for You

Occasionally, you need a little assistance to get through a rough fight with your best friend. This may mean that you need to ask for some outside help. Think of who you both know that you both relate to well. It may be her mom, a close co-worker or someone else. See if they can talk to her for you and help you to get through this difficult spot.

6 Give Her Space

There are times when we really hurt each other, even if we care about each other deeply. This can happen even if you have been friends for years. If that happens and you cannot seem to work things out, you may have to make a difficult choice and give her some space. This can allow her to sort things out and work through them at her own pace. This is incredibly hard and hurtful to accept, but if your friendship is strong, it will work in time.

7 Tell Her She is Irreplaceable in Your Life

Your best friend is absolutely irreplaceable in your life. There is no shame in telling her that! Tell her that she means the world to you and you absolutely need her. After all, who else is going to help you analyze if you need Botox yet or show up with your favorite ice cream when PMS is taking over your life? Sometimes sharing how much we love someone can help them to forgive us if we have done them wrong.

It is really important try to work things out with your best friend if you have a fight. How have you and your best friend worked through things before? Please share that with us!

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