disadvantages of tiger parenting essay

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Should You Choose to Be a Tiger Parent

Video : Tiger Parenting : Should You Choose it?

What is tiger parenting and how does it work, how does tiger parenting differ from other parenting styles, signs that you are a tiger parent, pros of tiger parenting, cons of tiger parenting, what does research say about effects of tiger parenting on children.

The birth of a child is also the birth of the parents. The bond they share is special; however, different methods of parenting can affect it to a great extent. Some parents choose a strict method of upbringing, while some are patient and lenient. In this article, we shall discuss a form of stringent parenting, called “Tiger Parenting” and its effects on kids. Let’s dive into the topic and know what tiger parenting is.

Tiger parenting is a debatable method of parenting as it uses harsh methods to control children. It is a form of strict and demanding parenting. When parents use methods of fear and authority to make their children comply with their demands, they are referred to as tiger parents. This method is based on the Asian values of independence and stressed on creating a committed relationship between parents and children.

In tiger parenting, parents put high expectations on their children to meet their academic needs and often rely on harsh methods to drive them towards their goals. Tiger moms and dads have a strong belief that strict measures are needed to make their children tough, confident, successful, and prepare them for the future.

Tiger parenting is derived from authoritarian parenting, but it not quite the same. As with authoritarian parenting, tiger parenting involves following a strict set of rules and regulations and setting high expectations for children, but it also includes some level of positive parenting. Therefore, tiger parents also go a long way to protect their children from any obstacles and provide them with every kind of warmth and support. Thus, tiger parenting involves both control and affection.

While you are wondering about your method of parenting, there are a few signs that can help you figure out if you are a tiger parent or not.

You are a tiger mom/dad if:

• You do not allow your children to hang out with their friends more, or have sleepovers.
• You expect your children to secure the first grade in all their exams and often include harsh punishments if they fail to do so.
• You care more about your standards than their love for any handmade gifts and want them to be the best in everything they do.
• You care more about what they achieve rather than how they achieve and value your self-esteem more than their capabilities.
• Your child is scared of telling things to you for the fear that you might rebuke them if you do not like the idea or situation.
• You don’t trust them with most things, and keep on reminding and ordering them.
• You rely more on following rules and regulations, rather than keeping your children happy. You always feel that the rules should not be broken at any cost.
• Your children follow a rigid routine of more work and less play; they do not invite their friends over as they are scared of your authoritative nature.

These are some of the signs of a tiger parent. Let’s take a look at the pros and cons of this style of parenting.

While Tiger parenting might seem strict and a little bit harsh on the children, researchers have found potential benefits of tiger parenting. Some of the pros of having tiger parents are:

• Tiger parenting rules tend to encourage the skills of self-discipline in children. By following constant rules and orders around, children tend to understand the importance of having a disciplined life and inculcate self-discipline.
• Although there is a constant fear of punishments, children reveal their true potentials and learn to be the best to achieve success in their lives.
• Tiger parents shape their children to be responsible even though they use harsh methods to teach children.
• Tiger parents’ goal is to shape their children into happy, successful, and well-adjusted adults, which results in children being goal-oriented and focussed.

Though parents always wish the best for their children, tiger parenting has some cons that one must remember. It can have some adverse effects, such as the ones given below, on the upbringing of the children.

• As the parents believe in setting high expectations in their children, the children feel overburdened and pressurised.
• The children are always scared of making mistakes as the tiger mother or father can use harsh methods as punishments for the mistakes.
• Living in constant fear may give rise to anxiety and depressions in such children.
• The fear of perfectionism hinders growth in children.
• In tiger parenting, the children always live under their parents’ constant guidance. It may lead them to be more dependent on others and develop poor coping skills.
• Tiger parenting results in negative cognitive and emotional development in some cases.
• Tiger parenting rules hinder children’s creativity and growth as they are told to follow the rules and regulations strictly.

Research shows that tiger parenting is not the best parenting style. Parents must adopt supportive parenting when raising kids.

A study conducted on 444 Chinese-American families infers that parenting types are divided into four categories based on eight traits – four positive and four negative. While positive traits refer to love, warmth, etc., the negative traits relate to fear and pressure required for motivating them. The tiger method of parenting scored high on all the eight traits while the supportive parenting scored high on the positive traits only.

Most parents turned out to be supportive, and that challenged the stereotype that Asian-American parents are majorly tiger parents. While tiger parenting may have some pros as well as some cons, it is believed to be a non-good method of parenting for children.

The research concludes that the best way of parenting is not tiger parenting but supportive parenting. It helps children become more social and confident. Children with supportive parents are likely to get up again after experiencing failure than those raised by tiger parents.

Although development in children is based on their environment, schools, peers, and their friends, parents play a key role in shaping their behaviours as well as characters. Parenting methods can be best chosen to ensure they do not hinder growth and development in children. Therefore, a wise mix of supportive and tiger parenting methods, with more emphasis on being warm and caring towards children, can help raise happy and successful kids.

Authoritarian Parenting Permissive Parenting Attachment Parenting

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Tiger Parenting—Impact on Children's Mental Health

Ivy Kwong, LMFT, is a psychotherapist specializing in relationships, love and intimacy, trauma and codependency, and AAPI mental health.  

Olga Rolenko / Getty Images

History of Tiger Parenting

Examples of tiger parenting methods.

• How Tiger Parenting Affects Children's Mental Health

How to Avoid Tiger Parenting Your Kids

Tiger parenting is a strict parenting style that pushes children to excel academically at all costs.

Specifically, tiger parents tend to micromanage their children’s lives in ensuring they meet their high expectations. There is little to no room for the child to negotiate how their days are planned as the tiger parent will respond in a “because I said so” manner.

The approach includes limiting the child’s socialization with friends in favor of studying and/or participating in high-status extracurricular activities, using emotional threats and corporal punishment when the child misbehaves, lacking trust in the child’s ability to make decisions on their own, and disrespecting the child’s privacy.

The concept of tiger parenting originates from the teachings of the fifth-century philosopher, Confucius. Confucian philosophy promotes hierarchical family structures, loyalty, strong work ethic, honesty, and commitment to education and academic achievement.

Although Confucius published his books over two thousand years ago, his teachings still have a strong influence over East Asian countries' views of education.

For many East Asian families, education is seen as the gateway to success in improving one’s socioeconomic status . Higher education is a symbol of status and power. This is especially true for immigrant parents who made the decision to uproot their lives as a way to provide a better future for their children in the West. There is an expectation for their children to succeed and take advantage of the opportunities their parents did not have.

The term “Tiger parenting” was popularized in Western culture by Amy Chua’s book " Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother ." Chua writes about her childhood being raised by strict parents and offers stories about her attempts to implement tiger parenting strategies with her two daughters.  

Chua stated that the book was meant to be a memoir of her experiences parenting within two cultures, not a how-to guide that suggests Asian parents are better at raising successful children than Western ones. She emphasized that at the end of the book, her daughter rebels at the age of 13, and that caused her to rethink her approach and transform her role as a mother. 

Tiger parenting enforces many rules and gives full control to the parent. There is a power differential between the parent and the child that prevents open and honest conversations. Respect is a one-way street and there is no reward for positive behavior , only discipline for negative behavior.

• Overly strict: Tiger parents focus on enduring hard work and sacrificing work-life balance for long-term success. This may mean saying no to birthday parties, sleepovers, or other fun events that may distract the child from their achievements. Tiger parents forbid risky behavior such as alcohol, drugs, and romantic relationships as they are seen as threats to their child’s goals.
• High expectations: Tiger parents expect their children to excel and put their best efforts into everything they do. If a child fails, they are reprimanded for bringing shame to the family. In order to meet these high expectations, children spend almost all their time dedicated to schoolwork, studying, practicing, and participating in extracurricular activities that increase their chances of getting accepted into a prestigious university.
• Fear-based approach: Tiger parents are in a position of authority. The child is expected to respect them. Children cannot talk back to their elders and/or challenge their opinions. If the child disagrees, they are disciplined with emotional threats and/or corporal punishment. This may mean throwing away their favorite toys deliberately in front of them, not giving them meals, hitting, yelling, name-calling and belittling.
• Lack of autonomy for the child: Tiger parents have full control over their child’s life. The child is raised to make decisions based on the approval of their parents. There is no emphasis on self-regulation or independent thought. Tiger parents have no patience and/or desire to understand and get to know the child’s personality, thoughts, feelings, and perspective as a unique individual. It is expected that the tiger parents’ dreams are also the child’s dreams.
• Success is defined as achievements: Tiger parents define success based on power and status and how much honor they can bring to the family. Examples include becoming a doctor or lawyer, getting straight-As, making lots of money, and winning competitions. Emotional intelligence , creativity, critical thinking, self-determination, relationship-building, and other soft skills are not seen as important in the mission to success.

What's Your Parenting Style?

This fast and free parenting styles quiz can help you analyze the methods you're using to parent your kids and whether or not it may be a good idea to learn some new parenting behaviors:

How Tiger Parenting Affects Children's Mental Health

Children who grew up with tiger parents lack a nurturing and unconditionally loving environment. Overly strict and punitive parenting styles may cause children to: 

• Have an increased risk of anxiety, low self-esteem, and depression 
• Be more likely to be psychologically maladjusted
• Have difficulty with decision-making on their own
• Have difficulty forming close relationships with others and fending for themselves
• Have a greater fear of making mistakes as they don’t want to disappoint their parents
• Have a lower sense of family obligation, lower grade point average (GPA), higher level of alienation, and a higher level of academic pressure
• Have an increased risk of self-harm and suicidal behavior among Asian children and young adults
• Have issues with self-discipline as they were not taught to set limits for themselves

No one ever prepares you for the parenting role. Most parents will make decisions based on how they were raised, what they’ve read or seen, and advice from family and friends. Parenting is stressful and it can be difficult to know whether you’re doing a good job. It’s easy to resort to what you’re conditioned to. Here are some different parenting practices to consider if you or your partner were raised with tiger parenting:

• Don’t jump to discipline when your child has a problem: Take the time to listen to your child and understand what is going on for them on a mental and emotional level. Instead of assuming they did something wrong, practice patience, allow them to express themselves, ask them questions, and validate their emotions . When you provide a safer environment for your child to share their frustrations, you can build trust with them. If your children trust and feel safe with you, they are more like to come to you when they need help and support.
• Spend time getting to know your child: Life can get busy. Schedules get filled up and there are many things to do around the house in addition to work responsibilities. However, giving your child your full and undivided attention even for five minutes where they can tell you what happened during their day gives them an opportunity to build a closer and long-lasting relationship with you. 
• Encourage your child to share their thoughts and ideas: When their sharing is valued, they feel valued. It builds their confidence and self-esteem and empowers them to have independent thoughts which can set them up for greater success in life. Ask questions instead of shutting down an idea that you don’t agree with. You don’t have to agree with them but you can show your support for their thinking process. This helps them understand that it is okay to have different perspectives and can increase their empathy and emotional intelligence.
• Respect your child's privacy to help build trust and self-confidence: Research has shown that invading a child's privacy can be damaging to trust and self-esteem. Privacy is the right to be left alone with thoughts, feelings, and ideas. This is important as your child explores new ideas, emotions, and social relationships. Sometimes, parents may need to invade their child's privacy to help protect their health and safety, but if these are not at risk, it is important to honor their personal boundaries. Threatening them or going behind their back to find out what they may not be ready to share will create distance and resentment. Instead, reassure them that you are always available if they need you.
• Give your child choices : Yes, they live under your roof and you’re paying for their expenses; however, it doesn’t mean they need to do everything you say. When they grow up, they will need to make many decisions in life and they cannot rely on you to make them. If they’re constantly seeking your approval, they will never gain the confidence to make these decisions themselves. 
• Praise your child when they’re doing well: Tiger parents are never impressed even when their child exceeds their expectations . However, children need to know when they’re on the right path. When their efforts aren’t validated, they’ll grow up questioning their self-worth. It doesn’t mean praising them for every little thing they do or else it comes across as disingenuous. Finding the right balance of positive feedback lets your child know you have their back.
• Offer support and gentle feedback when failure happens or mistakes are made: It can be disappointing when a child experiences failure or makes a mistake. However, children need to understand that learning is a process that requires making mistakes and overcoming challenges. Instead of blame, shame and judgment, encourage them to keep trying and collaborate on ways to help them improve. Create a supportive environment that encourages them to keep trying but avoid micromanaging their efforts. Use a coaching approach so they can own their success.
• Seek professional help: Seeing a family therapist can help you identify, address and manage past experiences that affect the way you relate to your child. Therapy can help you learn how to manage your emotions , deal with daily stress and develop coping mechanisms that allow you to take care of your children in a healthier way.

American Psychology Association. ‘ Tiger parenting’ doesn’t create child prodigies, finds new research . Vol 44, No. 8.

Kim SY. Defining tiger parenting in chinese americans . Human Development . 2013;56(4):217-222. doi:10.1159/000353711

Hsu S. Education as Cultivation in Chinese Culture . Springer Verlag, Singapor; 2016.

Chen C, Uttal DH. Cultural values, parents’ beliefs, and children’s achievement in the united states and china . Human Development. 1988;31(6):351-358. doi:10.1159/000276334

Li J. Expectations of chinese immigrant parents for their children’s education: the interplay of chinese tradition and the canadian context. Canadian Journal of Education / Revue canadienne de l’éducation. 2001;26(4):477.

Calzada EJ, Huang KY, Anicama C, Fernandez Y, Brotman LM. Test of a cultural framework of parenting with Latino families of young children. Cultural Diversity and Ethnic Minority Psychology . 2012;18(3):285-296. doi:10.1037/a0028694

Dewar, G (2 June 2017). " Authoritarian parenting: How does it affect the kids? ". Parenting Science.

Kim SY, Wang Y, Orozco-Lapray D, Shen Y, Murtuza M. Does “tiger parenting” exist? Parenting profiles of Chinese Americans and adolescent developmental outcomes . Asian American Journal of Psychology. 2013;4(1):7-18. doi:10.1037/a0030612

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By Katharine Chan, MSc, BSc, PMP Katharine is the author of three books (How To Deal With Asian Parents, A Brutally Honest Dating Guide and A Straight Up Guide to a Happy and Healthy Marriage) and the creator of 60 Feelings To Feel: A Journal To Identify Your Emotions. She has over 15 years of experience working in British Columbia's healthcare system.

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Children Of 'Tiger' Style Parenting May Struggle More

Tiger Babies Strike Back

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Amy Chua launched the phrase "Tiger Mother" into our cultural lexicon in 2011 to describe a harsh, demanding style of parenting Chua identified as being especially common among parents of Chinese ancestry. The term clearly stuck.

A few recent works focusing on the "Tiger parenting" idea caught our attention, and were the focus of a segment on Tuesday's Tell Me More. (You can hear the full segment above.) The first is a study in the March 2013 Asian American Journal of Psychology, called "Does 'Tiger Parenting' Exist?" Jeff Yang gave an overview of the study in his Tao Jones column this week:

As a doctoral student at the University of California at Davis, [Su Yeong] Kim decided to focus her research on parenting techniques of Asian American immigrants, and recruited over 400 Bay Area Chinese American households into a longitudinal research program — assessing the parenting of mothers and fathers on eight different dimensions, four positive and four negative, and tracking how these profiles evolved over the course of eight years, while also measuring the academic success and emotional health of their children. The parents were ultimately divided into four categories. Those with low positive, high negative characteristics (essentially, cold and remote yet strict and controlling) were dubbed "Harsh"; those with high positive, low negative characteristics (warm, engaged and flexible) were dubbed "Supportive," and those with low positive and low negative (distant and laissez-faire) were dubbed "Easygoing." Kim wasn't sure what to call the final category, who scored high on both positive and negative characteristics — until Amy Chua's 2011 book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" was released, unleashing the controversy that continues to this day. Kim realized that the high positive-high negative profile mapped closely to the "Tiger Parent" persona, and decided to give the quadrant that name. "As we reviewed the data, we were really surprised at what we found," says Kim. "When we looked at mean GPA, the Supportive parents had kids that were substantially higher than any other group — including Tiger parents. In fact, by the end of our study, with the kids in high school, kids with Supportive parents had mean GPAs of 3.4, and kids with Tiger parents had 3.0. That's a huge gap."

In an interview on Tuesday with Tell Me More host Michel Martin, Kim went into more detail about her interest in the phenomenon:

I got interested in this topic of Asian-American families mainly because of my own heritage. Because I'm Korean-American myself and when I was an undergraduate student at the University of Southern California taking my psychology classes I noticed that there was a lack of mentioning of anything to do with Asian-Americans or even ethnic minorities in general. And so when I got to graduate school, I really wanted to study Asian-American families, because I wanted to make sure the experiences of Asian-Americans were actually being represented in these text books ... When we started this study we obviously didn't know about this term "Tiger Parenting." But we always knew in the scholarly literature there has always been this perplexing finding that Asian-American parents when we compared them to European-American parents — they looked like authoritarian parents. Typically ... when that parenting style is used by European-Americans, we often find that children of those authoritarian parents often have low GPAs and also low socio-emotional health. And so when we saw this book by Amy Chua we thought, wow, maybe the children who have these Tiger Moms will be the ones doing really well extraordinarily in terms of their academic outcomes. And perhaps in terms of their socio-emotional outcomes they may not be as healthy. But what really surprised us was that despite our hypothesis, the children of Tiger Parents are actually not doing well academically and also not doing well socio-emotionally either. So, even though Amy Chua sort of made us think that being a "Tiger Mom" or "Tiger Parent" would produce academic superstars, it actually didn't. The children who had what we would call "supportive parents" were the students who were doing the best in terms of their academic performance.

The study also suggests that "Tiger parenting" isn't the most common approach among Chinese-American parents.

A new book by Kim Wong Keltner, called Tiger Babies Strike Back , offers a look at the phenomenon from the perspective of the children. During a roundtable on Tuesday's Tell Me More , Michel Martin discussed the book and the study with Keltner, cookbook author Anupy Singla, and columnist Jeff Yang.

"When you're raised in an Asian household and you're expected to get straight As, you're expected to do everything perfectly and there's no room for mistakes," said Keltner. "I think the parents might feel that they are spurring you on but what happens is you just feel spurned. And you learn to detach from them, and that's probably not what they wanted in the first place."

"My father was the disciplinarian," said Singla, herself a mother of two. "He was the one who pushed me to get straight As. If I ever got a B, it was just this level of shame in our home. But at the same time, I also believe they were a product of where they came from in India. I came to this country when I was 3. They didn't have the luxury of communicating with me at that time because they were fighting to get food on the table. ... Raising my children here, I have the luxury of being able to communicate more."

"I'm kind of this lab-grown hybrid of tiger and panda," said Yang. "I look back and the common thread is that parents do want ultimately what's best, what they think is what's best for their kids. It's just that from the perspective of many immigrants they feel strongly it should be first and foremost academic achievement and secondarily the soft and fuzzy stuff. My parents did set those high expectations but they were also very conscientious about telling us that they loved us. The one thing they used more than anything else, perhaps, was guilt and shame."

Of course, the study reminds us, parenting styles aren't necessarily fixed; they're likely to change over time. Parents may use different strategies in different scenarios (and with different kids, as any younger sibling might attest).

Beyond the main debate about the effectiveness of tiger parenting, another finding in the study drew our interest:

Despite the widely accepted notion of an "achievement/adjustment paradox" in Asian Americans, particularly in the children of tiger parents, the current study findings do not seem to support the existence of such a paradox. Regardless of the parenting profile, high academic achievement and high educational attainment are always accompanied by high levels of psychological adjustment, and low academic achievement and low educational attainment are accompanied by low levels of psychological adjustment. The widely agreed-upon paradox may be operative when comparing Asian American adolescents to their non-Asian peers, but within the current sample of Chinese American adolescents, levels of achievement and adjustment are found to go hand in hand.

If you've read the study, or picked up Kim Wong Keltner's book, share your thoughts with us in the comments.

What is Tiger Parenting and How does it affect children?

In the realm of parenting methodologies, one approach has garnered significant attention for its perceived effectiveness – Tiger Parenting . In this comprehensive guide, we delve into the intricacies of Tiger Parenting, exploring its origins, principles, and impact on child development.

Table of Contents

Understanding the Essence of Tiger Parenting

Tiger Parenting is a distinctive parenting style characterized by high expectations, strict discipline, and an emphasis on academic achievement. Coined by Amy Chua in her controversial book “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,” this approach draws inspiration from traditional Eastern philosophies that prioritize diligence, resilience, and excellence.

1. Academic Excellence: Unlocking the Gateway to a Prosperous Future

Tiger Parenting is synonymous with a relentless pursuit of academic excellence. The core tenet of this parenting approach revolves around the belief that high academic achievements serve as the stepping stone to a successful and prosperous future for the child.

In the realm of Tiger Parenting, the academic journey is not merely an obligatory path but a transformative experience. Parents adopting this methodology invest significantly in fostering a love for learning, coupled with an unwavering commitment to achieving academic brilliance.

The emphasis on academic excellence is rooted in the conviction that a stellar academic record opens doors to opportunities, ensuring a competitive edge in the professional landscape. Tiger Parents guide their children through a rigorous academic curriculum, cultivating a mindset that values education not only for its immediate rewards but as a lifelong asset.

Beyond the pursuit of grades, Tiger Parenting seeks to instill a deep understanding of the subject matter. This approach is not solely about rote memorization but rather about nurturing critical thinking skills, problem-solving abilities, and a genuine curiosity for knowledge.

In essence, Tiger Parenting views academic excellence as a holistic endeavor that extends beyond the classroom, preparing the child for the challenges and complexities of the real world.

2. Discipline and Structure: The Cornerstones of Character Building

Central to the Tiger Parenting philosophy is the establishment of a structured environment that serves as the breeding ground for discipline and character development. The implementation of discipline and structure is not a mere imposition of rules but a strategic and intentional approach to fostering a robust work ethic in children.

Discipline, in the context of Tiger Parenting, is not synonymous with authoritarian control. Instead, it is a means of instilling a sense of responsibility, accountability, and self-control in the child. Through consistent routines and clear expectations, children raised in a Tiger Parenting environment develop a strong sense of order and purpose.

Structured routines encompass various facets of a child’s life, from academic pursuits to extracurricular activities. This meticulous planning is designed to create a balanced and well-rounded individual who can navigate the complexities of life with poise and resilience.

The importance of discipline and structure lies not only in immediate behavioral compliance but in the long-term development of virtues such as perseverance, time management, and a commitment to excellence. Tiger Parents believe that these character traits, instilled through a disciplined upbringing, form the bedrock of success in adulthood.

3. Rigorous Practice: Mastering the Art of Diligence and Perseverance

In the realm of Tiger Parenting, the advocacy for rigorous practice emerges as a cornerstone for nurturing excellence across diverse domains. Whether the focus is on academics, music, sports, or any other pursuit, Tiger Parents champion the idea that mastery is a product of dedicated and persistent effort.

Rigorous practice is not confined to a specific skill set but is a universal principle applied to various facets of a child’s life. In academics, it involves consistent study habits, active engagement with learning materials, and a commitment to continuous improvement. In extracurricular pursuits, it manifests as repetitive training, honing skills through repetition, and pushing boundaries to surpass previous achievements.

Tiger Parents understand that excellence is not an overnight accomplishment but a result of incremental progress achieved through relentless practice. This approach cultivates a mindset that views challenges not as obstacles but as opportunities for growth and refinement.

The concept of rigorous practice extends beyond the immediate goal of proficiency; it nurtures qualities such as resilience, grit, and a passion for continuous learning. Tiger Parents believe that by inculcating the value of diligent practice, they equip their children with the tools necessary to navigate the complexities of a competitive world.

Dispelling Misconceptions Surrounding Tiger Parenting

Despite its effectiveness, Tiger Parenting has faced criticism for being overly strict and detrimental to a child’s emotional well-being. However, a nuanced understanding reveals that the benefits of this approach extend beyond academic success.

Nurturing Resilience

Tiger Parenting, when implemented judiciously, instills resilience in children. By pushing boundaries and challenging their limits, youngsters develop the ability to face adversity with tenacity and courage.

Fostering Independence

Contrary to the misconception of overbearing control, Tiger Parenting encourages independence. Through a structured environment, children learn to manage their time efficiently, enhancing self-reliance and autonomy.

Cultivating a Strong Work Ethic

The emphasis on consistent practice and hard work cultivates a robust work ethic in children. This foundation becomes invaluable in their adult lives, contributing to success in various professional endeavors.

Implementing Tiger Parenting Effectively

While the principles of Tiger Parenting are compelling, successful implementation requires a delicate balance. Here are practical tips for integrating Tiger Parenting without compromising the emotional well-being of your child.

Setting Realistic Expectations

Rather than demanding perfection, set achievable goals aligned with your child’s capabilities. This ensures progress without creating an overwhelming atmosphere.

Encouraging Open Communication

Maintain open lines of communication with your child, fostering a supportive environment where they feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and concerns.

Balancing Structure with Flexibility

Striking a balance between a structured routine and flexibility is crucial. Allow room for extracurricular activities and personal interests, promoting a holistic development approach.

Tiger Parenting Success Stories

Numerous success stories attest to the effectiveness of Tiger Parenting when implemented with care. From academic prodigies to accomplished musicians and athletes, the impact of this approach is evident in various fields.

The Road Ahead: Navigating the Challenges

While Tiger Parenting offers a robust framework for child development, it is not without its challenges. Recognizing the signs of stress or burnout in your child is essential, necessitating adjustments in your parenting approach.

Signs of Overwhelm

• Decline in academic performance
• Emotional withdrawal
• Physical symptoms like headaches or fatigue

Adaptive Parenting

Adaptability is key to successful Tiger Parenting. Monitor your child’s well-being closely and be willing to modify your approach to ensure a healthy balance between academic excellence and emotional wellness.

In conclusion, Tiger Parenting, when implemented judiciously, can be a powerful tool for shaping a child’s future. By understanding the principles, dispelling misconceptions, and adopting a balanced approach, parents can unlock the potential of Tiger Parenting for the holistic development of their children.

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Mental toll of tiger parenting

Long before Amy Chua's provocative 2011 memoir, "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,"  raised the bar for tough-love parenting, psychologists at the University of California, Berkeley, were studying the effects of three kinds of child-rearing: authoritarian (too hard), permissive (too soft) and authoritative (combo).

Now, with the recent release of UC Berkeley alumna Kim Wong Keltner's memoir, "Tiger Babies Strike Back," along with other scholarly works and testimonials, the debate over how to raise successful (and happy) kids is resurfacing. The difference today is, researchers have amassed even more data on the pros and cons of the authoritarian approach that has come to be known as "tiger-parenting," and the results are in.

"Children raised by authoritarian parents are showing maladaptive outcomes, such as depression, anxiety and poor social skills," said Qing Zhou, an assistant professor of psychology at UC Berkeley who heads the campus's Culture and Family Laboratory. Most recently, her research team has run an 11-week parenting class at UC Berkeley and San Francisco State University for divorced Asian American mothers, many of whom are Chinese immigrants raised in the authoritarian tradition.

"When they first came to the workshops, a lot of them would say, ‘Why should I praise my child for doing something they are supposed to do?' But we encouraged them to try and they saw positive changes in their relationships," Zhou said.

Mental well-being an apt measure of successful parenting

In study after study, Zhou and her research team are building a bulletproof case that mental health indicators are a solid measure of successful parenting. Their evidence is reflected in surveys of more than 600 Chinese and Chinese-American families and educators in mainland China and in the San Francisco Bay Area. They're gauging such factors as child-rearing styles, communication, media consumption, cultural values and English language proficiency.

"One aspect of tiger-parenting is setting enormously high and unreasonable expectations for your kids," said Stephen Chen, a former graduate student in Zhou's lab who is headed for an assistant professorship at Wellesley College in fall 2014. Data from a recent study he conducted with UC Berkeley psychologist Sheri Johnson suggests there are negative cognitive effects to having overly demanding goals, he said.

Not surprisingly, such research is piquing the interest of Asian Americans who, now as parents, are reflecting on the costs and benefits of their own upbringings.

"You do the extra credit, you sit in front of class, you ask the teacher questions. Meanwhile your tiger parent is asking the teacher, ‘How can my child do more?'" said novelist Keltner, 43, who graduated from UC Berkeley in 1991 with a double major in English and art. "Then you go out in the world and not only are you socially inept, but you find yourself attracted to people who replicate those (overachiever) dynamics."

UC Berkeley developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind coined the terms, "authoritarian," "permissive," and "authoritative" parenting in the 1960s, and her constructs are still widely used in social science. The authoritarian style is typically rigid and punitive and can use verbal hostility and even corporal punishment.

Fierce tigers vs. cuddly pandas

By comparison, permissive parenting is characterized as indulgent with few or inconsistent rules, the use of bribery to motivate and the kind of love and nurturing more consistent with friendship than guardianship. Meanwhile, authoritative parenting combines the best of both, using warmth, acceptance, boundary setting, reasoning and "encouragement of a child's democratic participation."

Researchers said many parents use a combination of all three parenting styles depending on their mood and the situation at hand. However, there is some truth to the emotionally withholding tiger-mother stereotype, said Zhou, who studied at Beijing Normal University, then did her graduate work at Arizona State University before landing an assistant professorship at UC Berkeley. Rather than focus on her daughter's achievements, Zhou's mother keeps asking her when she'll get tenure.

"Chinese parents have a habit of focusing on the negative, because it is their way of ‘pushing' children to work harder," Zhou said. "They don't say ‘I love you,' but they cook you food and prepare your clothes to show they care for you."

While China by no means holds a monopoly on authoritarian parenting, the country proudly claims a centuries-long tradition of filial loyalty and academic rigor dating back to the imperial examination that selected the best candidates for high officialdom. Today, its competitive school and college entrance exams have millions of students burying their heads in books for long hours.

Intergenerational language barriers

For Chinese immigrant communities, a major predictor for stricter parenting is how well parents and children communicate in English and in Chinese, suggesting that the language barrier can lead to conflict, according to a study by Zhou and Chen soon to be published in the journal, Developmental Psychology.

"Some parents force their kids to speak Chinese at home, they tell them ‘if you don't speak Chinese I will not speak to you,' but that can backfire," said Zhou, a native of Sichuan, China, and mother of two young children. "It's important to keep the heritage language, but it shouldn't trump emotional health."

That said, newer generations of Chinese Americans who call themselves "heritage families" are raising their children with some of the same cultural values they grew up with, only in a kinder, gentler fashion.

"I hated Chinese school growing up," said Chen, who was born in the United States to Taiwanese parents and worked in Shanghai before entering graduate school at UC Berkeley. "Now I have my daughter in Chinese school not one day a week, but every day. We are coming to terms with our parents' ways, and recognizing that perhaps there are some traditions we would like to continue."

Success by whose standards?

By contemporary Western standards, Keltner, who published "The Dim Sum of All Things" and "I Want Candy" when she was in her 30s, is a success story, though her mother, she said, would be hard-pressed to agree. Born and raised in San Francisco, she was pushed to excel academically, though her older brothers took some of the pressure off her during their college years by majoring in business and in biology.

UC Berkeley offered her the freedom to explore and expand her own identity, she said. Plus, she met her husband, Rolf Keltner (the brother of UC Berkeley psychologist Dacher Keltner) at a class on the poet Geoffrey Chaucer. They live in Nevada City, Calif., with their 9-year-old daughter whose warm, affectionate upbringing is in some ways a reaction to her own.

Her newly published memoir ("Tiger Babies Strike Back") shows the flipside of the controversial homage to tiger-parenting by Yale law professor Chua, the daughter of a retired UC Berkeley engineering professor.

When it comes to tigers vs. pandas, Keltner knows where she stands, "You can study harder and get straight A's," she said. "But from my point of view, the love and affection in a parent-child relationship far outweighs the importance of grades."

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The Drawbacks of Being a Tiger Parent, Now Proven by Science

It's good to push your kids, but only if you're willing to listen to them complain about it.

Twice a month, a panel of dads discusses a topic of the moment. For today's conversation, they discuss new research on the Tiger Mom phenomenon. Part one of the discussion is below; part two is here .

The world, or perhaps only the Internet, derives great pleasure from ganging up on Tiger Mom Amy Chua . The latest cudgel blow to the famed author of the Chinese-American maternal guide to crushing the spirit of one's offspring in the pursuit of Ivy League early-acceptance: Science!

Such is the upshot of a recent article in Slate, "Poor Little Tiger Cub," in which Paul Tullis reports that "the first major study of tiger moms is out. The kids have worse grades, and they are more depressed and more alienated from their parents."

The research, conducted by Su Yeong Kim of the University of Texas, finds that mercilessly driving one's children to achieve is effective—Harvard or bust, baby!—so long as the parent in question, Asian or no, Mom or Dad, listens to the shrieking plaints of the destined-to-be-high-powered little one. This is what Kim likes to call "authoritative" parenting, or "a combination of high responsiveness with the exercise of power that's open to negotiation." Spare not the rod, then, in the development of one's high-flying whelp—but do so with an open mind.

What works less well is shaming said youngsters, no matter how desperately one's parental self-image (and retirement) hinges on his or her future employment with Goldman Sachs:

Kim also measured the outcomes for each of her categories. Supportive parents had the best developmental outcomes, as measured by academic achievement, educational attainment, family obligation (considered positive outcomes), academic pressure, depressive symptoms, and parent-child alienation (considered negative).... Children of easygoing parents were second in outcomes, while tiger moms produced kids who felt more alienated from their parents and experienced higher instances of depressive symptoms. They also had lower GPAs, despite feeling more academic pressure.

All to the good, and none too surprising—not that it should be. Research is not about novelty, but understanding the world in which we live. But I don't think these findings shed much light on why the prescriptions of Good Mom Chua rankle so many people. Amy Chua's work upsets people because it is based on the belief that conventional, middle-class, (white) American culture is lazy, stupid, entitled, easily exploited, and best resisted.

Perhaps the least unexpected, and most satisfying, of Kim's discoveries was that fewer Chua's exist than her book would suggest. As Tullis notes, "Fewer 'tiger' parents emerged from Kim's analysis than did 'supportive' parents. 'Easygoing' were similar in number as 'tigers,' and the fewest parents were deemed 'harsh.'"

When I read the Slate headline and realized that the Tiger Mom Theory had been, as my esteemed colleague Theodore puts it, cudgeled into obsolescence, I was overjoyed. I am a lazy, indulgent parent, incapable of disciplining my brood, let alone instilling them with the levels of shame (and corresponding self-discipline) necessary to get them into Harvard. No, the way I parent, my daughters were probably going to Brown or—yeesh—Johns Hopkins. Now, it turns out, this doesn't matter, and my kids will fail to get into Harvard simply because they're not good enough, not because I wasn't harsh enough.

My first instinct on learning this news was to gloat, and I immediately forwarded the article to my wife, Jean, who was raised in Taipei, Taiwan, by a pair of doctors, and who, although she is nearly as lackadaisical as me, occasionally decides she must change. "I'm going to go Tiger Mom on her!" she'll say of our four-year-old daughter, Sasha.

Lately, though, "going Tiger Mom" has mostly meant feeling guilty about not having applied for Sasha to get into any New York City public school other than the one we're zoned for. In fact, this wave of parental regret produced only one email begging one school administrator to allow Sasha into his nonzoned school. He responded with a quick no. What Would Amy Chua Do? Not what Jean and I did—which was to accept that no for our final answer.

And so that's where we're at: Sasha and our younger daughter, Sandy, will do fine, despite/because of us, her parents. We don't need to badger and shame them into performing well. They just probably will, because we happen to care (and because we're upper-middle-class white-Asians—we have that ridiculous advantage).

But at the same time, I'm fixating on that word shame . I mean, I like it. I like the concept of shame, and of its opposite, honor, and I like the notion that members of a family should act a certain way in order not to earn the scorn of Society. This is, of course, a fast-vanishing notion. We no longer live in a world where one's bad behavior, or public failures, really has any significant impact on one's future. Sure, a drunk-and-naked party pic on Facebook might hurt one's chances making partner at Skadden Arps, but that damage can be contained; shame's ability to ruin the future is over and done with.

Of course, I'm a fine one to talk. My new book is a fairly shameless retelling of my many adventures, not all of them salubrious, over the past few decades. But then again I'm a lazy, permissive hypocrite.

But that doesn't mean I still don't think, and worry, constantly about how my behavior, my actions, and my images reflect on those around me, including my friends and family. And while shame is something I do not want to bring upon them, I want them, including my daughters, to be aware of its existence, of the way it hovers somewhere above us, like a hawk waiting to snatch up a field mouse.

Except now I can't do this. Shame is out. Apparently, it doesn't do what I thought it did. What's next, humility? Oh right, not really an American value either. Modesty? Patience? Damn, I am not doing well here.

Well, at least there's one thing I can count on: When the kids are old enough, they will be deeply embarrassed—maybe even ashamed—by their father.

From tiger to free-range parents – what research says about pros and cons of popular parenting styles

Lecturer in Education, Queensland University of Technology

Disclosure statement

Rebecca English does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.

Queensland University of Technology provides funding as a member of The Conversation AU.

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Our politicians talk a lot about “families”, but what do they really mean when they use this term? What does a modern Australian family look like and how does it compare with ten, 20 or even 30 years ago?

In this ten-part series , we examine some major changes in family and relationships, and how that might in turn reshape law, policy and our idea of ourselves.

What’s the best way to raise your child? It’s a question that has provoked the publication of numerous books, and seen authors race to coin the next quirky name for a new style of parenting.

And it turns out there are many styles. To date, some of the best known include:

• Tiger parents , who are seen as pushing their children to succeed according to their parents’ terms.
• Helicopter parents , who take over every aspect of the child’s life.
• Snowplough parents , who remove obstacles to make life easier for their child.
• Free-range parents , who allow children a great deal of freedom.
• Attachment or gentle parents , who are relaxed but set limits in line with the child’s needs and character.

Psychologists generally talk about parenting as fitting into typologies , based on the work of Diana Baumrind , a clinical and developmental psychologist known for her research on parenting styles.

There are generally understood to be four typologies:

• Authoritarian parents are the authority in their child’s life. They set the rules and say “jump” and their child responds “how high?”. (Most similar to tiger parents.)
• Permissive parents are lax about their expectations, don’t set standards and don’t ask much of their children.
• Neglectful parents are uninterested in their children and unwilling to be an active part of their child’s life.
• Authoritative parents are highly demanding while being highly responsive.

One of the major criticisms of these typologies is how culturally determined they are.

So what does research say about the pros and cons of each of these parenting styles?

Tiger parents

Type of parent: You expect first-time obedience, excellence in every endeavour and a child who never talks back.

Who coined it? Amy Chua popularised this name in her 2011 book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother . Chua describes tiger parents, often seen in Chinese families, as superior to Western parents. Chinese parents assume strength and don’t shy away from calling their children names . They assume their children owe them and expect their children to repay them by being obedient and making them proud.

Why parents choose this style: Tiger mothers are, as Chua attests, socialised to be this way by their cultural background. Thus, when they successfully demand an hour of piano practice it’s part of their cultural background that the child complies. Western parents will have a hard time emulating the years of acculturation that leads to that moment.

Parents who follow Chua may do so because they want their child to be successful . It may be these parents hold deep insecurities about the future. These parents are most likely authoritarian .

Pros: Raising a child in this way can lead to them being more productive, motivated and responsible.

Cons: Children can struggle to function in daily life or in new settings, which may lead to depression, anxiety and poor social skills. But again it’s culturally dependent .

Helicopter parents

Type of parent: You step in to prevent your toddler’s every struggle; you are over-involved in your child’s education and frequently call their teacher; you can’t stop watching over your teenager.

Who coined it? Psychologist Foster Cline and education consultant Jim Fay coined the phrase in 1990 in their book: Parenting with Love and Logic . They described helicopter parents as being confused about the difference between love and saving children from themselves. Another name for helicopter parenting is “overparenting” .

Why parents choose this style: These parents are likely to be scared for their child’s future , perhaps like tiger parents. They may not trust their child’s ability to navigate the world. By hovering around they may think children will be inoculated against failing.

These parents are probably a mix or authoritarian and permissive typologies, but there is scant research on the style.

Pros: Parents can be overprotective , which may save their child or adolescent from problems they would not foresee.

Cons: Children can lack emotional resilience and independence , which can affect them into adulthood. Being a child of a helicopter parent may lead to an inability to control behaviour .

There’s even an AskReddit devoted to the worst aspects of growing up with helicopter parents. Stories include a contributor, 21 at the time, whose father followed them to jury duty, because he didn’t trust they could do it properly. It’s claimed dad had a tantrum when he was kicked out by the security guard.

Snowplough or bulldozer parents

Type of parent: You push all obstacles out of your child’s way. Perhaps you’ve nagged the principal for a different teacher or bribed the coach to get your child a place on the team.

Who coined it? It appears the term was coined by former high school teacher David McCullough . In 2015, he published a book, You Are Not Special , in which he implores parents to back off and let their children fail. It was based on a 2012 commencement speech he gave to high school students.

Why parents choose this style: Maybe you think your child is exceptional, or they’re too great to fail , and that’s why you’ve identified with this parenting style. In terms of typology, there are aspects of authoritarianism in the mix as they demand success (after all, they’ve bulldozed all obstacles from their children’s path). However, they also score highly for permissiveness.

What the research says: There’s no empirical evidence either way for the snowplough approach. However, there’s a lot of blog posts and media articles devoted to the topic.

That being said, the pros and cons are probably similar to helicopter parents. These parents can help children feel safe and secure. But it may also foster a sense of entitlement or narcissism in your child .

Free-range parents

Type of parent: You believe your role is to trust your child. You equip them with the skills to stay safe, and then back off.

Who coined it? The term was made famous by a case of “neglect” against Lenore Skenazy , a former columnist who wrote about letting her nine-year-old son ride the New York subway alone. The experience led to her being labelled “America’s worst mother” and prompted her to write a book. The book was about fighting the perception the world was getting more dangerous.

Skemazy’s blog attempts to connect parents with like-minded others who agree that children need safety jackets and helmets in order to safely experience their independence. The approach is about giving children the childhoods their parents experienced in the 1970s/1980s.

Why parents choose this style: Psychologists and experts suggest this style is a backlash against anxiety-driven , risk-averse child rearing. It may be that Skenazy is right, we are worrying too much about everything from germs to other people . While Skenazy cites responses from parents (and lawmakers) who think the approach is neglectful , it is probably more aligned with the authoritative typology , where parents believe in teaching children to look after themselves.

Pros: Children learn to use their freedom, be autonomous and manage themselves. They may also be better able to handle mistakes, be more resilient and take responsibility for their actions. It’s also said to lead to happier adults .

Cons: Problems with this style centre on the legal aspects of the approach. In Queensland, it is illegal to leave your child alone for an “unreasonable” time while, in other states, parents must reasonably ensure their child is properly looked after. Queensland’s law does not define “unreasonable” time, but the parent will receive a misdemeanour (up to three years in jail) if they breach the code.

Attachment or gentle parents

Type of parent: You believe that a child’s earliest attachment to caregivers informs all subsequent attachments a person experiences. The argument suggests strong emotional and safe physical attachments to at least one primary caregiver are essential to the child’s personal development.

Who coined it? The philosophy is based on the work of psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth on attachment theory . The work began with Bowlby in the 1950s . Bowlby also worked with Ainsworth and Ainsworth did some famous experiments with young children.

Attachment theory suggests that children who develop strong bonds with parents/caregivers in the early years will have happier, healthier relationships as they age. The term was then popularised by a book dubbed the “baby bible” written by the Sears family in 1993.

Why parents choose this style: Parents may choose this style because they want their children to be positive about themselves and their relationships with others as they mature. Attachment parenting is associated with the authoritative typology . These parents try to balance high expectations with empathy and this is associated with the best outcomes .

Pros: It provides a safe haven of love and respect in which to build the child’s relationships and from which the child can safely experience the world .

Cons: It can be conflated with permisive parenting . It is also associated, somewhat contrarily, with over-parenting, as some suggest it is a name for mothers who can’t let their child go. Some have accused this style of being anti-women or anti-feminist . These authors say the style conflates women’s role with motherhood , undoing the work of feminism. However, others disagree .

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What Is Tiger Parenting? Benefits, Risks & Examples

Christiana Njoku is a certified relationship coach and marriage mentor from the prestigious Institute for Marriage and Family Affairs in Stafford, USA. A seasoned relationship... Read more

In This Article

Tiger parenting is a parenting style known for strict rules and high expectations. In this article, you will learn what it is, its benefits, and the risks it poses for you to decide if it’s right for you. 

Tiger parenting uses punishment as a motivator, such as physical discipline or verbal abuse, forcing children to comply with their expectations and damaging a child’s self-esteem and sense of self-worth.

What is tiger parenting?

Tiger parenting is a parenting style that emphasizes strict rules and high expectations for children, often at the detriment of their emotional well-being. It is most commonly associated with East Asian cultures, but it can be found in other cultures as well. 

Amy Chua, a professor of law at Yale University, wrote about tigers in her book “ Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother .”

Some critics said children need to be allowed to explore their own interests and make their own mistakes and that parents should focus on nurturing their child’s emotional well-being . 

However, it is important for parents to consider the potential negative consequences of this approach and to balance high expectations with love and support for their children.

Examples of tiger parenting

Now that you know what tiger parenting is all about. Here are some examples of tiger parenting:

1. Focusing on academic success

Tiger parents often prioritize academic success and excellence in their studies which involves enrolling them in rigorous academic programs, hiring tutors or instructors, and setting high expectations for grades.

2. Control over their behavior

Tiger parents monitor and control their children’s behavior, including their friendships, extracurricular activities, and even their hobbies. They may monitor their children’s social media use and impose strict curfews.

3. Punitive measures

Tiger dads may use discipline and punishment to ensure their children adhere to their expectations. This may include taking away privileges, withholding affection or praise, or using physical discipline.

4. Hard work and perseverance equal success

Tiger parents may emphasize the value of hard work and perseverance to achieve success. They may encourage their children to practice for hours, even if they don’t enjoy it, believing that persistence will lead to success.

Benefits of tiger parenting

Tiger parenting is characterized by strict rules and discipline, a focus on academic success, and a belief that their children can excel in anything they put their minds to. Some of the key features of tiger parenting include:

High expectations

Tiger parents set high expectations for their children’s academic achievements and expect them to aim for excellence in all aspects of their lives.

Focus on respect for authority

Tiger parents value obedience and respect for authority, including parents, teachers, and other adults. Children are expected to follow the rules and behave appropriately at all times.

To learn more about the benefits of tiger parenting, watch this video:

Risks of tiger parenting

Lack of flexibility and rigid expectations of tiger parents from their children may not allow them to explore their own interests or pursue their own goals, ultimately leading to children feeling unfulfilled and resentful.

Effects of tiger parenting on a child

While some children may thrive under pressure and high expectations, others may struggle with the stress and anxiety associated with this approach. Some of the effects of tiger parenting include:

High levels of stress

Children of tiger parents may experience high levels of stress and anxiety due to the pressure to succeed, leading to physical and emotional health problems, including depression, anxiety, and sleep disturbances.

Strained parent-child relationships

Tiger parenting can strain parent-child relationships, as children may feel that their parents are overly strict and controlling, leading to a breakdown in communication and a lack of trust between parents and children.

You may benefit from marriage therapy because it can offer ways to manage issues within a marriage in a healthy manner.

Some commonly asked questions

Here are the answers to some pressing questions about it that can bring in more clarity and understanding about what may work better for your child:

What is tiger mom vs. elephant mom?

Tiger moms are known for pushing their children to excel, often with intense pressure and discipline. On the other hand, an elephant mom is a nurturing and supportive parent who emphasizes emotional intelligence and empathy. 

The term was first coined by writer Priyanka Sharma-Sindhar in 2014 in an article in The Atlantic . Elephant moms are known for prioritizing their children’s emotional well-being and development while also encouraging independence and exploration.

It’s important to note that every family is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. Parents are to decide what kind of parenting style they want to adopt based on their own values and beliefs.

What is snowplow parenting?

Snowplow parents may intervene in their child’s life by clearing obstacles to their success, overseeing every aspect of their development, and preventing their child from failure.

The long-term effects of snowplow parenting can be detrimental to children, as they may struggle with decision-making, lack of independence, inability to handle failures, anxiety, and depression.

Final thoughts

While Tiger parenting can lead to successful, high-achieving children, it can also be damaging to a child’s emotional well-being. Parents who choose this approach should be aware of the potential risk and strive to balance high expectations with love and support for their children. 

The goal of parenting should be to raise happy, healthy, and well-adjusted children, and this requires a holistic approach that considers all aspects of a child’s development. Talk to a therapist if you are dealing with tiger parenting mental health problems.

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Christiana Njoku is a certified relationship coach and marriage mentor from the prestigious Institute for Marriage and Family Affairs in Stafford, USA. A seasoned relationship and personal development expert with years of experience in speaking and coaching on relationships with proven commendations Read more and referrals from clients. Passionate and a strong advocate of healthy relationship with zero tolerance for toxic and abusive relationship, as a result, this led her into creating relevant content on dating and relationship, helping individuals in their journey of self and purpose discovery, with the objective of becoming the best version of themselves   A force to be reckoned with in the world of public speaking, marriage mentoring, relationship coaching, and personal development. Her impact has? reached far and wide, transforming lives and inspiring countless individuals.? Her emotional intelligence skill has helped her over the years in managing relatlionships, which is one of her core competencies in helping others achieve their relationship goals.   People from all walks of life flock to her, eager to learn from her teachings and gain clarity in their own lives. She established her renowned counseling center, "The Personal Development and Relationship Podcast." This safe haven became a sanctuary for those seeking solace and guidance. Couples struggling to communicate, individuals grappling with self-doubt, and professionals yearning for career growth found refuge within its walls.?   Her impact has continued to be  synonymous with hope, growth, and transformation. From struggling marriages that were reignited with love to individuals who discovered their true purpose. Read less

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What is Tiger Parenting?

Heard of the term “ tiger parenting ” and wondering what it’s all about? Stick around. We’re diving into the question and its complexities. From the moment your baby was born (or even before!), you’ve likely been bombarded with information on different parenting styles .

One style you might have heard of is called “tiger parenting.”

In a nutshell, tiger parenting is a form of strict parenting popularized by law professor Amy Chua’s 2011 memoir Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother .

Chua describes her parenting style as having roots in her Chinese heritage.

Read on to find out more about what tiger parenting is and what are some tiger parenting pros and cons.

What does tiger parenting mean?

What are some tiger parenting pros and cons, tiger parenting: the bottom line.

But before we start, let’s clear up one thing:

Chua’s book is now over ten years old.

We’ve come a long way in that time in terms of racial and cultural awareness and sensitivity.

Though Chua says her parenting style is rooted in her Chinese heritage, we feel the need to state the obvious:

Not all Chinese or Asian people have the same parenting style.

And “tiger parenting” itself can be seen as a derogatory term.

On top of that, discussions of tiger parenting usually center around the “tiger mom” parenting style.

This can put unfair pressure and blame on mothers.

With all that in mind, let’s talk about what is usually meant by the term “tiger parenting.”

Here are some typical traits of what is usually called “tiger parenting”:

• Academic achievement is of the utmost importance, and is valued above socializing and creativity.
• The standards set by parents are extremely high.
• Children are pushed hard to achieve academic success.
• Parents work intensely with the children to help them achieve results.
• There are punishments for not meeting standards that might seem harsh to others, such as shame, guilt, and withdrawing affection.

Here are some pros and cons to this style of parenting that have been identified by commentators and scientific researchers.

Pros of tiger parenting

In tiger parenting, parents believe that they’re setting their children up for success in the future.

By using strict parenting methods to push their children to achieve, they aim to instill a good work ethic and self-discipline.

Children will be used to working hard, and this will carry through to their adult lives.

Plus the excellent academic results their parents push them to achieve should springboard them, both in school and careers.

In spite of some harsh parenting methods used, tiger parenting can also include some positive parenting methods.

Parents can be extremely supportive and warm, so children may feel a strong sense of connection to their parents and a strong sense of duty to their family.

Although children are relentlessly driven to achieve the goals their parents set for them, they’re supported along the way.

Parents will dedicate enormous time and energy to helping their children.

Cons of tiger parenting

Tiger parenting has been criticized for its focus on the satisfaction of the parent, rather than the happiness of the child.

Children are pushed to live up to their parent’s expectations.

If they fail to do so, they’re shamed for not doing well enough.

Because the focus is on academic achievement, most time is spent working towards academic goals.

Very little time is left for any socializing with friends, taking part in social interests, hobbies, leisure activities like watching TV, and general free play.

Some critics believe tiger parenting might have an adverse effect, with children pushing against their parents’ non-democratic methods.

Studies have shown that children who were raised using a tiger parenting approach were not more likely to achieve academic success.

And these children were often more socially maladjusted.

Also, tiger parenting has been criticized for negatively affecting children’s mental health.

Critics believe there are other, better ways of measuring success, such as being well-adjusted members of society, self-confident and self-determined individuals who are able to work towards what they are interested in.

Tiger parenting is a parenting style that has gained popularity but is met with a mixed response.

Tiger parents believe that through strict parenting, hard work, and discipline, they will nurture confident, highly successful children who are ready for the future.

This can all be very confusing to navigate, especially for new parents.

Just remember: you actually don’t need to choose a parenting “style.”

Parenting is a relationship between you and your children.

We’re all different — different personalities, different values, different life circumstances.

As long as you love your child and take care of their basic needs, we’re confident you’ll find your own parenting style that’s just right for you!

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Tiger Parenting: Effects, Pros & Cons

There are a lot of styles of parenting that different parents adopt. Some have the formally stated parenting styles like authoritarian parenting , permissive parenting , uninvolved parenting , etc. With these there are some other informally stated parenting styles as well like helicopter parenting , lawnmower parenting, tiger parenting, etc.

Today, we will be talking about one of the newly found parenting styles called ‘Tiger Parenting’. What does tiger parenting mean? Do you know how a tigress brings her cub up? Well, she is a very strict mother, there is no room for mistakes, her aim is to make the cub the strongest among the rest so that they can  easily tackle any danger that they face.

Tiger parenting is somewhat similar to what a tigress does. But, the main question here is ‘For us humans, is tiger parenting good or bad?’ What are tiger mom parenting rules? Will this rigorous style of parenting benefit the child or will it be like added pressure? What are tiger parenting effect?

Let’s find out…

What Is Tiger Parenting?

The term tiger parent was first used by Amy Chua (2011) in her book “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom.”  When someone asked her what does tiger parenting mean? She said that she used the tiger parenting style, inspired by Chinese parenting where the main aim is to  focus on success.

Tiger parenting (tiger parenting method) is a very strict parenting style wherein the parent is very goal oriented and expects the child to be the same. A tiger parent is very authoritative and always tries to engage their child in doing something they think will make them successful in life.

This means the child is not allowed to take part in things that (according to their tiger parent) will divert them from focusing on their studies like sleepovers, playdates, recreational activities, movie nights, etc. such tiger mom parenting rules and ruin a child’s playfulness. The effects of tiger parenting are mainly seen in their performance, body language and how they feel about themselves.

Signs You Are A Tiger Parent

It is a fairly new style of parenting but only because it wasn’t identified earlier. Tiger parenting has been used for ages now and claim to have suffered the disadvantages of tiger parenting. You must have known a friend who’s parents would never allow them a fun getaway, they would always be attending one class after another. Such children are most likely undergoing tiger parenting. Now, you tell me, is tiger parenting an advantage or disadvantage for them ?

Let’s look at the signs of tiger parenting;

• You do not permit your child to spend time with their friends doing recreational stuff
• You always expect your child to excel in every field, in fact always get the first rank
• You don’t trust your child, you are constantly telling them to do things
• You have a very strict, rigid routine for your child where there is no room for play
• You want them to be successful in whatever they do by hook or by crook
• You are never satisfied with your children’s achievements, you always want more
• You force them to be best at everything
• You value standards more than emotions
• You have a set of rules and regulations for you children which you can’t break by any chance
• You’re children are scared of you because you leave no room for mistakes

Effects Of Tiger Parenting On a Child’s Mental Health

If you’ve read this far, I’m sure by now you have an idea of how strict and demanding tiger parenting is and are well aware of the tiger mom rules. This of course has some consequences on a child’s Mental well being. Have you heard of the saying, “ All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy ”? Well, that’s what is happening here, tiger parenting can make your child dull and depressed. Tiger parenting has more disadvantages than advantages.

Here’s a list of effects tiger parenting can have on your child;

• Reduced self-esteem
• Reduced self worth
• Constant feeling of shame and guilt
• Anxiety and panic related issues
• Depression caused by constant disapproval form tiger parents
• Fear of failure
• Fear of decision making
• Maladaptive attachment

Pros And Cons Of Tiger Parenting

Having shared the consequences of tiger parenting on a child’s mental health, I’d like to share with you that tiger parenting does have a few positive aspects to it as well. Let’s discuss the advantages and disadvantages of tiger parenting (pros and cons of tiger parenting) for a clearer and better understanding;

pros & cons

• Encourages self-discipline
• Learn to work hard to be their best self
• They learn to be responsible
• They become focused and goal-oriented
• Feel overburdened and pressurized
• There fear making mistakes
• Become dependent to parents
• Reduced cognitive and emotional development

That’s All Folks!

I hope you found this blog thought provoking, informative and interesting. What do you think? Are you a tiger parent or were you raised by one? Tiger parenting has more disadvantages than advantages. In my understanding you can instill goal orientedness in your child through other parenting techniques like authoritative parenting .

Thanks For Reading.

Take care and stay safe.

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About The Author

I am an English literature (major) and psychology (minor) graduate from St. Bede’s College, Shimla. Postgraduate in Clinical psychology from IIS University, Jaipur. She has published a Research paper on Music therapy in the military population and Workplace stress in a national seminar conducted by Fortis hospital (gurugram) and international seminar conducted by St. Bede’s College, Shimla, Respectively. Authored a dissertation work on ‘effect of social media addiction on the mental and physical well-being in adolescents’ Currently working at calm sage as a writer.

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What Is Tiger Parenting And How Do I Cope With It?

‘Tiger parenting’ is a term for a strict, controlling style of parenting. It compares a parent who is demanding and prioritizes a child’s achievement over virtually everything else to a tiger—a stealthy and ruthless jungle-dwelling feline. The style of parenting tends to have more critics than advocates among the public and researchers. 

Where did tiger parenting originate?

The term ‘tiger mother’ was coined and made popular by Yale law professor and daughter of Chinese immigrants, Amy Chua, in her 2011 memoir  Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother . Chua depicts and advocates for the image of strict, authoritarian, controlling parents whose overwhelming priority is to ensure their children’s success and top achievement. The term ‘tiger parenting’ has since become widely used by the general public and academic literature.

In her book, Chua explores how her upbringing influenced her own parenting choices. Chua promotes the same style of parenting that her parents used while raising her—structured, highly involved, demanding, and focused on children reaching the parents’ definition of success and achievement. 

Since Chua’s book is primarily a memoir, her parenting theories and ideas are based on personal experience, not a scientific study. Additionally, public opinion largely condemns Chua’s controversial views as too authoritarian and high-pressure .

However, her book had its advocates, too. Chua justified her parenting style by pointing to her two daughters’ academic and musical excellence. Sophia, the oldest, was a piano prodigy who played in Carnegie Hall at age 14. Lulu, her younger daughter, is described as an accomplished and gifted violinist.

What does tiger parenting look like?

According to the  American Psychological Association , tiger parenting may be a highly controlling and demanding parenting style, but it differs in ways from a strictly authoritarian style. A tiger parenting style may include what is often considered negative parenting, but it also includes what is considered some positive parenting attributes, such as encouragement and support. 

Tiger parents may also teach their children that they can learn and achieve with practice and hard work. They emphasize that they are strong and can succeed, which are widely considered traits of  positive parenting . In some cases, tiger parents may be seen as selfless, dedicating themselves to their children’s success out of concern and love.

Based on  Chua’s depictions  in her book, in a family with a tiger parent, the following may apply:

Children are generally expected to excel academically —high “A” grades are what is considered acceptable. Tiger parents may issue remedial, negative consequences if the children don’t meet their parents’ goals.

Children are not often allowed playdates or sleepovers as free time is typically designated for practice or preparation for achievement (such as studying or rehearsals).

Tiger parents likely choose their children’s extracurricular activities according to what they think is in the child’s best interest. Children are generally expected to practice extracurricular activities for a long period every day, even on vacations. (Chua claims to have arranged for her daughter to practice her musical instrument in hotel lobby bars and basement storage rooms while on the family’s international travels.)

Tiger parents typically expect their children to perform at the highest level , from a young age, at the very top of their school, team, or group in everything they do. Anything less may be considered unacceptable.

Tiger parents tend to enforce the highest standards of their children , even in their spontaneous pursuits. (Chua, for example, recounts how she gave back a handmade birthday card to her daughter because it did not meet the mother’s standards.)

Tiger parents may openly use berating and shaming techniques. These are considered motivational methods to push children towards excellence. In one of many provocative passages from her memoir, Chua criticizes what she refers to as the “Western” way of tiptoeing around issues. She writes, “Chinese parents can do things that would seem unimaginable - even legally actionable - to Westerners. Chinese mothers can say to their daughters, ‘Hey fatty - lose some weight.’” 

Chua explains her opinion that Chinese parents assume strength in their children, not fragility. She also theorizes that Chinese parents are not concerned about their children’s psyches as “Western” parents are. According to Chua, the deliberate care not to hurt or offend a child is ineffective, as Western parents’ children “still end up in therapy for eating disorders and negative self-image.”

Criticism against Chua’s book

While Amy Chua is credited with coining a new term and sparking controversy regarding parenting styles, many of her books weren’t positively received. Elizabeth Colbert, Pulitzer winner and staff writer for the New Yorker, said in a  2011 article  that Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother exhibits a lack of interest in critical thinking and probably only has value as an allegory. The book’s title is inspired by Chua’s Chinese zodiac sign, the Tiger. The author describes herself as “powerful, authoritative, and magnetic,” alleged qualities of those born under this sign.

Colbert went on to say, “(The book) is breezily written, at times entertaining, and devoid of anything approaching introspection. Imagine your most self-congratulatory friend holding court for two hours about her kids’ triumphs. You’ve more or less got the narrative.” 

According to Colbert, the only thing that keeps the book together is the author’s apparent optimism that “whatever happened to her or her daughters is interesting just because it happened to happen to them.”

According to the American Psychological Association  research, tiger parenting isn’t common among Chinese-American parents, nor is it a formula for raising high-achieving child prodigies. Su Yeong Kim, Ph.D., conducted a  study  that tracked the effect of parenting styles on children of over 400 Asian American families over eight years. Based on her findings, she categorized parenting styles into four groups. She classified them using a system with four negative parenting traits and four positive parenting traits.

Supportive parents ( 45%) scored high on all four positive traits, including warmth and more supportive disciplinary measures. These parents also scored low on negative parenting techniques, such as berating and humiliating their children to motivate them.

Tiger parents (28%) scored high on all eight traits, both positive and negative.

Easygoing parents  (20%) scored low on all eight traits.

Harsh  (7%) Parents scored low on the positive traits and high on all negative traits.

According to Kim’s study, supportive parenting was associated with children’s best developmental outcomes and the highest academic performance at school. Children of supportive parents were also socially and emotionally more well-adjusted and had stronger ties to their families.

Easygoing parents’ children showed better developmental outcomes than the children of tiger parents, and children with harsh parenting styles showed the worst developmental outcomes.

The research showed that tiger parenting left many children feeling depressed, alienated from their parents, and feeling excessive pressure to perform academically. According to Kim, tiger parenting is not as effective as Chua would indicate.

What are the best supportive parenting strategies?

The American Psychology Association states that children of parents who have an authoritative (sometimes termed supportive) parenting style (not to be confused with an authoritarian style) may have the best outcomes in areas such as friendliness, self-reliance, self-control, being an achievement-oriented, curiosity, cooperation, and being energetic and cheerful. The following behaviors are  characteristics of authoritative parenting , which is also considered supportive parenting:

Being warm and caring with children

Using explanation and reasoning when disciplining

Setting firm, reasonable expectations for children

Allowing children appropriate independence while still monitoring their whereabouts and activities

Limiting shouting or yelling at children

Not shaming children by comparing them with other children or through name-calling

Listening to children’s viewpoints (but not necessarily accepting them)

What if your parents were or are tigers?

Research demonstrates that Chua’s tiger parenting style is on the decline among Chinese parents, not only in America. The result may be prevalence of a warmer, more supportive parenting style in general. However, what if your parents were “tiger parents” or very authoritarian?

 for children. Depression and low self-esteem maybe some of the effects of authoritarian parenting on children. Other effects can be anxiety, difficulty socializing, displaying aggressive behavior outside of the home, and difficulty accepting failure.

If you are experiencing these or any mental health concerns, counseling or therapy can be helpful. An online option for therapy may be a positive solution for you. Regain is a website specializing in relationship-related concerns. It provides a safe space for receiving help and support from licensed mental health professionals.

Through online therapy platforms like Regain, users can attend sessions with their therapist from any location with a secure internet connection. Additionally, they can book appointments at times that work for their schedules. 

Many people have experienced positive outcomes from seeking online therapy for parenting assistance or making peace with the ways in which they were raised by their parents. In one study, researchers sought to evaluate the effectiveness of an online therapeutic intervention in assisting parents with various skills. Results showed that the online treatment was effective in increasing parents’ psychological flexibility, emotional regulation, coping skills, and overall mood.

Regardless if you’re a new parent trying to figure out the best way to raise your child, or an experienced parent who realizes that there are better ways of parenting, online therapy can be a safe space to work through different challenges, role play exemplary responses, and come to terms with negative experiences from one’s own upbringing. When you’re ready, you can turn to a compassionate, experienced online therapist from Regain to help you be the best parent you can be.

Frequently asked questions

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Understanding the Concept of Tiger Parenting: An Insightful Guide

Parenting is one of the most challenging and rewarding roles that an individual can undertake. Parents are tasked with shaping their children’s lives, guiding them through life’s ups and downs, and providing a safe and loving environment. One parenting style that has gained significant attention in recent years is tiger parenting.

What is Tiger Parenting?

Tiger parenting is a strict, success-oriented approach to raising children that is often associated with Asian cultures. The term “tiger parent” was first coined by Amy Chua in her book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. This parenting style emphasizes high expectations and strict discipline as a means of ensuring academic success and future prosperity.

While tiger parenting has been associated with Asian cultures, it is not limited to this demographic. Parents from all cultural backgrounds may adopt this approach to parenting in an effort to ensure their children’s success. However, it’s important to note that the term “tiger parent” is often used in a negative context, highlighting the perceived harshness and rigidity of this parenting style.

The Benefits and Challenges of Tiger Parenting

Like any other parenting style, tiger parenting has its benefits and challenges. One of the primary benefits of this approach is that it emphasizes hard work, dedication, and academic achievement. Children who are raised under this parenting style often excel academically and go on to have successful careers.

However, there are also several challenges associated with tiger parenting. One of the most significant challenges is that it can lead to high levels of stress for both parents and children. The pressure to succeed can be overwhelming for children who may feel like they are never good enough or that their worth is tied solely to their academic achievements.

Another challenge associated with tiger parenting is that it can strain parent-child relationships. The strict and rigid nature of this parenting style may lead to a lack of emotional connection between parents and children, which can have long-lasting effects on the child’s mental health and well-being.

Practical Tips and Solutions for Tiger Parenting

If you’re considering adopting a tiger parenting approach, it’s important to keep in mind that there are ways to implement this style of parenting without causing undue stress or strain on your family. Here are some practical tips and solutions:

Set Realistic Expectations

It’s important to set realistic expectations for your child based on their individual strengths and weaknesses. While it’s natural to want your child to excel academically, it’s essential to recognize that not every child is capable of achieving straight A’s. By setting realistic expectations, you can help prevent feelings of inadequacy or failure in your child.

Encourage Open Communication

Tiger parenting often emphasizes strict discipline and a lack of emotional connection between parents and children. However, it’s essential to encourage open communication with your child to build trust and foster a strong relationship. Take the time to listen to your child’s concerns, fears, and aspirations, even if they don’t align with your own.

Acknowledge Your Child’s Achievements

While it’s essential to set high expectations for your child, it’s equally important to acknowledge their achievements along the way. Celebrate their successes, no matter how small, and provide positive reinforcement for their hard work and dedication. This will help build confidence in your child and motivate them to continue striving towards success.

Prioritize Self-Care

Tiger parenting can be stressful for both parents and children. It’s important to prioritize self-care by taking breaks when needed, engaging in stress-relieving activities, and seeking support when necessary. Remember that taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your child.

Tiger parenting is a controversial and often misunderstood parenting style. While it has its benefits, it’s essential to recognize the challenges associated with this approach and take steps to mitigate them. By setting realistic expectations, encouraging open communication, acknowledging your child’s achievements, and prioritizing self-care, you can implement a successful tiger parenting approach that fosters academic success while maintaining a strong emotional connection with your child.

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The New York Times

The learning network | from dr. spock to the tiger mother: studying parents and families.

From Dr. Spock to the Tiger Mother: Studying Parents and Families

The hubbub over the “Tiger Mother” Amy Chua has spawned a robust national conversation about being a parent . Her memoir , which chronicles her strict approach to parenthood, has provoked commentary by parents , children (including Ms. Chua’s older daughter ) and various experts .

Ms. Chua clearly touched a nerve. Being a parent is a rich and multifaceted topic, full of meaningful possibilities for teaching and learning. Here are some of them, with links to related resources from The New York Times and elsewhere.

Anatomy of a Debate Over Being a Parent

Hear Her Roar: Why is a memoir about raising children causing such an uproar? Read the excerpt from Amy Chua’s book, “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.” What is the essence of her ideas? What values and cultural attitudes underlie them? Write a letter to Ms. Chua, commenting on her approach to raising children and pointing out the pros and cons of what she calls the “Chinese” and “Western” parenthood models, drawing on your own experience.

Reader Response Times Two: Feedback generated by Ms. Chua’s essay includes Sophia Chua-Rubenfeld’s response to her mother’s book and Room for Debate’s “Extreme Parenting: Balancing Freedom with Discipline” discussion and the post (and comments) “Raising Happy, Imperfect Children” on the Motherlode blog. Read both the book excerpt and one of the responses, then complete a series of double-entry journal entries, responding to the core ideas and points. Then respond to our related Student Opinion question How Permissive Are Your Parents? — drawing on your reading of and notes on both pieces in your response.

Makings of a Memoir: Have people misunderstood Amy Chua’s intention in writing “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother?” Ms. Chua has said in interviews that the book is a memoir, not a parenthood manual. What does that mean? What type of memoir is it? Does it contain the hallmarks of a memoir? Or is it a how-to book disguised as an autobiographical work? Read the book, forming your own conclusion, then write a review focused on the question of the book’s genre. Would you recommend it for parents – including yours – to read? How about children and teenagers? Why or why not?

The School of Life: In his column “Amy Chua Is a Wimp,” David Brooks argues that favoring homework problems over play dates and sleepovers actually insulates children from what is truly difficult and more crucial than academics – navigating the tricky social landscape. He contents that that “managing status rivalries, negotiating group dynamics, understanding social norms, navigating the distinction between self and group” are “social tests” that are harder than even an Ivy League course. Plan the curriculum for a social skills course. Which skills are most important, and how can they best be taught?

Parenthood and Culture

Behind the Scenes: “In 1946, Dr. Spock came along and told parents to trust their instincts. Later, parents became buddies with their kids, and by the end of the last century, the debate was about the quality versus the quantity of time spent with your children. That was followed by the concept of mothering as an all-consuming identity,” writes Lisa Belkin in an overview of a century’s worth of child-rearing theories . Find out about various styles of being a parent, like “free-range” and “slow parenting,” attachment parenting , “helicopter” parenting and the “extreme” approach currently associated with Amy Chua . What do you think your parents’ philosophy is? Record on video your own commentary about your childhood and how you think your parents strived to raise you. Then interview, on camera, your parents to determine their intended parental approach. Does your experience correspond to and reflect their intention? Why or why not? Edit the footage into a short video and screen it for the family.

Cultural Anthropology: Taking a page from Amy Chua, find out how various cultures approach being a parent, like Asian cultures, Judaism , Islam and so on, or perhaps another type of demographic, like immigrants and first-generation Americans. Present your findings at a symposium, perhaps inviting parents or sociologists to take part in a discussion about the degree to which the group identities affect their parental decisions.

How the Other Half Lives: What are parents most concerned about when it comes to raising their children? Visit the Motherlode blog, looking at that blog’s posts to find topics and ideas that catch your attention. You can do a keyword search within the blog to find, for example, school . What insights do these posts give you into your own parents? Then create a “What We Wish Parents Knew” installation that incorporates comments and images contributed by the entire class.

On the Screen: How are parents and parent-child relationships depicted in popular movies and television shows? Which are true-to-life? How has the depiction of parents changed over the decades? Analyze a single show or film or do a comparative analysis of two titles in the same genre, like drama or comedy – perhaps from different time periods – focusing on elements like level of involvement, employment, speaking style, disciplinary tactics and major concerns. Titles might include the TV shows “Happy Days,” “The Brady Bunch,” “The Cosby Show,” “The Simpsons” and “Parenthood,” and the movies “The Kids Are All Right,” “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” “Mommie Dearest,” “Kramer vs. Kramer” and “Stepmom.” Create a presentation about the depiction of parents, showing brief clips to illustrate your ideas.

On the Page: How are parents depicted in fiction and nonfiction, including young adult literature ? What major themes, conflicts, devices and character types are associated with literary depictions of parents and parenthood? View a literary work through the lens of being parent. You might do this with classic novel like “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” or “The Catcher in the Rye,” with a contemporary classic like “The Joy Luck Club,” with a memoir like “The Woman Warrior” or “Angela’s Ashes” or with a set of short stories like Alice Walker’s “Everyday Use” and Flannery O’Connor’s “Good Country People.” Create a Wordle of terms associated with, or a Glog about, a parent in the work you considered.

Hot Topics in Parenthood

How do other families handle everyday issues? How do other teenagers feel about the same questions? Check out these Student Opinion questions and join the conversation:

• Do You Text at the Dinner Table?
• How Much Do Your Parents Know About Your Life Online?
• How Should Parents Handle a Bad Report Card?
• How Do Your Parents Teach You to Behave?
• How (Over)Protective Are Your Parents?
• Are You Allowed to Date?
• What Do Older Generations Misunderstand About Yours?
• How Do You Think Adults Should Talk to Teens About Drugs?
• What Would a Video Study Reveal About Your Family?
• How Involved Are Your Parents in Your Life?
• How Do You Define Family and What Makes Yours Special?
• How Should Parents Discipline Their Kids?

Use the archives from The New York Times to find out how parents have handled — and been advised to handle — these topics over the years. (Here, you might have to be creative with new issues like being online, perhaps looking into how parents handled teens’ use or overuse of the telephone in the pre-Internet era.) Talk with a group of parents and children about what you have found and how their experiences compare. What do the changes in attitudes over time say about different generations ? Present your findings in a written, videotaped or audio-recorded “field report.”

Other Parenthood Issues

Here are still more resources to investigate if you’re planning lessons, research or discussions around parenthood and child-rearing:

• The role of playtime and how it affects children’s lives
• The potential link between video games and teenage depression
• The disciplinary practice of grounding
• Handling cyberbullying
• Gay parents
• The recession and multigenerational families
• Division of parental duties

Related Learning Network Lessons

• A Troubling Trend: Discussing Bullying and Antigay Attitudes
• Fall Into the Gap: Considering Factors That Shape Generations
• Who Is Family? Analyzing Family Photos
• Moving in With Dad: Comparing Two Teens’ Stories
• Babies Having Babies
• Picturing the Past
• Teach Your Parents Well
• I Am Seventeen Going On …

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The Tiger Mother Club

I am Chinese, and I am a mother. Now, that makes me a Chinese mother, right? The local chapter of the Tiger Mother Club was looking for more Chinese members, and since I was new in town, and was eager to make new friends, I sent in my application.

And they turned me down! Apparently I was not qualified. I found that baffling since I am a Chinese mother.

Reading Chua’s book explained everything. It was all about the piano.

Despite years of lessons, my beloved daughter has no hopes of playing Chopin in Carnegie Hall. She can barely read music notes, and her repertoire is limited to The Carpenters. Oh well, it is a good thing I like Karen and Richard.

//www.thegoodchinesemother.wordpress.com

I too am a product of Tiger Parents and sure my siblings and i were very accomplished, went to Ivy schools, essentially did everything we were told but then as adulthood struck we were all confronted with mid-life crisis syndrome…..how do we make decisions for ourselves? What do we want to do with our lives? Have the numerous hours practicing the violin and piano been wasted? What did my Harvard degree get me any way? Why am I not happy? Why am not fulfilled?

Bottom line – Life is not about accomplishments, straight A’s, coming in first. It’s about being grounded, understanding your limitations, figuring out what you bring to life, and making the most of this crazy world. Oh, and finally understanding how this whole coming in first can make one become unbelievably self-absorbed.

I’d be curious to see what kind of adults Amy Chua’s daughters turn out to be.

The time that parents spend with their children should be based on quantity but mostly quality because parents should like to spend time with their offspring

omg can anyone give me some facts about warren g. harding

This is a moot point since America statistically and absolutely has the worst behaved, ill mannered and low GPA children on the planet! The proof is in the pudding. We have failed. China has not. Who is on top now both economically and socially? China! Who rules us? China! They make every product we use and we owe them so much money that we’ll never pay it back without serving in wars for them. Who is the dumbo? We are!!! So, I’d say they have something to brag about!

Yes, China does make products and yes, we owe them a lot of money.

But, don’t write off U.S kids just yet. I teach internationally, and I can tell you from experience that most of the kids with Tiger Mothers, wherever in Asia they happen to be from, suffer. Their creativity is stunted as they are shuttled into one of a very few “appropriate” careers: doctor, dentist, lawyer, architect. I have seen students in tears because they were not allowed to take art or music as an elective. These also are the students who struggle most when there is no right answer that can be memorized and they are asked for an opinion and to support it.

As is usually the case, extremes are never the answer. And extremes in either culture short-change children.

I did not have a Chinese mother. I had a Jewish mother. People often make comparisons between these two groups, our common love of books and studying, business skills, etc. But my mother never insisted I get straight A’s or punished me or forbid me from going to sleepovers. If anything, I was coddled and told how special I was, told that as long as I tried my hardest they would be proud. Sounds quaint I know.

But what they also did was encourage me to develop my own passions. They didn’t put me in front of a TV but bought me books. I would say that most of my motivation came because I developed an independent intellectual curiosity.

As a student at UC Berkeley, a competitive institution with many children of “tiger” parents, I can attest that my Chinese and Asian peers were some of the hardest working and successful. But so many of them also seemed to lack an inherent love or interest in what they were studying. They might go on to become investment bankers, consultants, or lawyers, but they were not always the ones with the most passion for what they were doing.

Strict parenting and high standards are certainly better than letting kids sit in front of a TV and be coddled. But what is even better than that is finding a way to make your kids self-motivated. Because parents won’t always be around to make sure kids are number 1.

Make no mistake…the grass is never greener. The Tiger Children most likely can’t make decisions for themselves, have a normal conversation with anyone outside of the their own age group, still don’t understand process, and have had their spirit destroyed. It is that spirit that allows us to function during rough times. Apparently Tiger Mothers don’t plan for rough times because they have created a world of perfection. Or, think they have. Parenting must come from the heart. Sometimes that heart may be broken in the process, but that becomes a lesson in itself….the lesson of humanity.

Having just finished the book, I actually didn’t find much of it to be that shocking or especially interesting. Early in the book, Chua confidently states that the “Chinese mother” is different from the “overscheduling soccer mom”. But are they really that different from each other or other “types” of parents? By substituting the object (schoolwork/piano/violin vs. sports vs. whatever), what you end up with is something much more universal (and not uncommon): parents with a narrow view of what success is (for themselves and their children), trial-and-error parenting (afterall, who in this world has gotten it perfect all the way through), children who fit into stereotypes (“rebel”, “eldest”, etc…) and at the same time be completely unique human beings.

The book’s value for me was in the conversation that has resulted, not about Chua’s parenting per se, but family relationships in my own life. Throughout the book, I reflected on how my parents raised me, the role my grandparents played and how, Insha’Allah, I might one day raise my own. Being a second generation Korean-Canadian myself (Chua’s generation, albeit with no kids), I recognized Chua, Sophie and Lulu and poor Harvard Wong (a guy with aspiring parents who makes a cameo in the book) in many people in my life (including myself). Ultimately, I see as much value in Chua’s parenting principles (many) as I see in Jed’s, her husband (also, many) – and I think that is the point in this discourse: to each parent their own, let each one draw upon their own unique life experience in deciding what is best for their children.

wabibito.wordpress.com

As a psychotherapist in practice for 30 years and the author of a book on parenting, I am not surprised by the tendency of American parents to view Amy Chua’s memoir as a parenting manual. American children are increasingly depressed, anxious, entitled, and behaviorally out of control. Combine this with a false sense of special talents and a deteriorating work ethic, and one can see why parents are desperate for answers.

Psychologists have known for a long time that the most well-adjusted children come from homes where there is a combination of loving and autocratic parenting. It’s not that hard to do. Parents need to educate themselves about the dangers of over-indulgence of children. The least well-adjusted children come from homes where there are not adequate expectations and boundaries. For a smile about tiger mom, view the video parody: //www.youtube.com/my_videos?feature=mhum

Sheri Noga, MA Author of “Have the Guts to Do it Right: Raising Grateful and Responsible Children in an Era of Indulgence” //www.havethegutstodoitright.com

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Do you agree with the Tiger Mom's strict parenting?

Amy Chua has sparked quite the debate on how strict is too strict when it comes to parenting. Making your kids practice piano? OK. Making them practice for three hours daily, then calling them "lazy" and "pathetic" when they can't master a piece? Hmmm....

You can read an excerpt of Amy Chua's momoir here , and check out her TODAY interview here . She thinks that being strict, even harsh, with her two daughters has helped make them successful young women, by setting high standards for them to reach. And she scorns typical American parenting for "coddling" children and accepting mediocrity.

Related: Chinese or Western, who wins the mommy war?

More on the Tiger Mother on TODAY Moms

What do you think? Do you agree with the "Tiger Mother" approach?