essay about unhealthy relationship

Unhealthy Relationships

Unhealthy relationships can deeply impact your well-being and happiness. Some are overtly toxic or abusive, while others have subtle, harmful patterns. Recognizing these signs is vital, enabling you to either address the issues or decide to move on.

Signs Your Boundaries Are Being Crossed & How to Respond

Toxic Friendship: How to Deal with Toxic Friends

Reviewed by Olivia Guy-Evans, MSc

Do You Measure Up? How Conditions of Worth Impact Self-Worth

Early signs of a controlling man.

Reviewed by Saul Mcleod, PhD

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse whereby a person or group manipulates one or more people into questioning their sanity and perception of reality. People who gaslight use this form of emotional abuse to exert power or control over others to manipulate them.

Learn More: What is Gaslighting?

Narcissism is the overinflated belief that one is superior to everyone else, with excessive interest in oneself and in appearance. Narcissistic individuals have an inflated sense of self-importance and entitlement, have a strong desire for attention and admirations, and lack empathy for others.

Learn More: Covert Narcissist: Signs and How to Respond

Frequent Asked Questions

How does a covert narcissist act in a relationship?

Covert narcissists are those who have all the same goals as overt narcissists such as craving attention and power over others, but their methods of doing this are more subtle that it may be less obvious to others. Covert narcissists typically are more introverted in personality and may come across as shy and withdrawn but are still able to manipulate others.

Learn More: Covert Narcissism Signs and How to Respond

Is it possible to change your attachment style?

Romantic relationships are likely to reflect early attachment style because the experience a person has with their caregiver in childhood would lead to the expectation of the same experiences in later relationships, such as parents, friends, and romantic partners.

However, researchers have proposed that rather than a single attachment which is generalized across relationships, each type of relationship comprises a different attachment style. This means that a person could be securely attached with their parents, but insecurely attached with romantic relationships.

Learn More: Secure Attachment: From Childhood To Adult Relationships

Explore Unhealthy Relationships

Stages of a Narcissistic Relationship

Am I Narcissistic or the Victim?

When a Narcissist Sees You Cry How Does He React?

Altruistic Narcissists: Surprising Insights into Selfless Partners

5 Signs You Are Dealing With an Empathic Narcissist

Why Can Narcissists Not Accept Blame?

How Does a Narcissist React When They Can't Control You?

What Is a Narcissistic Smear Campaign?

Signs You Are Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

Are Codependent Relationships Unhealthy?

How to Deal with a Codependent Mother

Codependency: Are You Caretaking or Caregiving?

How to Heal From Codependency

Signs of Verbal Abuse: Patterns To Watch For

Narcissist and Codependent Toxic Compatibility in Relationships

What Causes Codependency?

What Does a Codependent Relationship Look Like?

How To Become Less Codependent In Your Relationships

What Is Narcissistic Ghosting and How to Deal With It

Why Do I Ghost Someone When I Like Them?

What Is Soft Ghosting and Why Do People Do It?

Is Ghosting Ever OK?

How To Deal With Jealousy In A Relationship

How Do You Make Someone Regret Ghosting You?

How Does the Ghoster Feel After Ghosting Someone?

What Ghosting Says About You

Why Do Ghosters Come Back?

Insecurities In Relationships: Everything You Need To Know

Essay on Healthy Relationships

Students are often asked to write an essay on Healthy Relationships in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Healthy Relationships

What is a healthy relationship.

A healthy relationship is like a good friendship. It is when two people spend time together and enjoy each other’s company. They respect each other, listen to each other, and understand each other’s needs. They support each other in good and bad times. A healthy relationship is full of love, trust, and happiness.

Importance of Communication

Talking and listening are important in a healthy relationship. It helps people understand each other better. They can share their feelings, thoughts, and ideas. Good communication also helps to solve problems and avoid misunderstandings.

Trust and Honesty

Trust and honesty are key in a healthy relationship. Trust means believing in the other person. Honesty means telling the truth. Both help to build a strong and loving relationship. They make people feel safe and comfortable with each other.

Respect and Boundaries

Respect is treating others the way you want to be treated. It is about valuing the other person’s feelings, thoughts, and choices. Boundaries are also important. They are rules that help people feel safe and comfortable. They protect people’s personal space and freedom.

Dealing with Conflicts

Conflicts can happen in any relationship. But in a healthy relationship, people handle conflicts in a positive way. They listen to each other, understand the problem, and find a solution together. They do not hurt each other’s feelings or make each other feel bad.

250 Words Essay on Healthy Relationships

A healthy relationship is a bond between two or more people. It is filled with respect, trust, honesty, and good communication. In such relationships, people feel safe and happy. They enjoy spending time together and support each other in good and bad times.

Key Features

There are some important features of a healthy relationship. These include open communication, respect, trust, and equality. Open communication means that people talk freely about their feelings. Respect means that they value each other’s opinions and feelings. Trust means that they believe in each other. Equality means that they treat each other as equals.

Why are Healthy Relationships Important?

Healthy relationships are important for our well-being. They make us feel happy and secure. They also help us grow as individuals. In a healthy relationship, we learn to trust and respect others. We also learn to communicate our feelings in a better way.

How to Build Healthy Relationships?

Building a healthy relationship takes effort. It starts with respect and trust. We should respect each other’s feelings and trust each other. We should also communicate openly. If there is a problem, we should talk about it and find a solution together. We should also spend quality time together. This helps to strengthen the bond.

In conclusion, a healthy relationship is a beautiful bond. It is filled with respect, trust, and good communication. It makes us feel happy and secure. It helps us grow as individuals. To build a healthy relationship, we should respect, trust, and communicate openly with each other.

500 Words Essay on Healthy Relationships

A healthy relationship is like a good friendship. It is filled with respect, trust, honesty, and good communication. In a healthy relationship, both people feel good about each other and about themselves.

Signs of a Healthy Relationship

There are many signs of a healthy relationship. One of the most important is respect. This means that each person values the other and understands and respects their rights.

Another sign is trust. Trust is like a strong rope that holds the relationship together. If there is trust, each person feels secure and safe.

Good communication is also a sign of a healthy relationship. It’s like a bridge that connects two people. With good communication, both people can express their feelings and thoughts openly and honestly.

Importance of a Healthy Relationship

Healthy relationships are very important for our happiness and well-being. They give us a sense of belonging and help us feel loved and valued. They also provide support when we face challenges or problems.

Moreover, healthy relationships teach us important life skills. They help us learn how to respect others, how to trust, and how to communicate effectively. These skills are very helpful in all areas of our life.

Building a Healthy Relationship

Building a healthy relationship is like planting a seed and taking care of it so it can grow into a strong tree. It takes time, effort, and patience.

The first step is to build respect. This can be done by treating the other person with kindness, listening to them, and valuing their opinions.

The second step is to build trust. This can be done by being honest, reliable, and keeping promises.

The third step is to build good communication. This can be done by talking openly about feelings and thoughts, listening carefully, and trying to understand the other person’s point of view.

In conclusion, a healthy relationship is a valuable part of our lives. It is built on respect, trust, and good communication. It brings us joy and helps us grow as individuals. Building a healthy relationship takes time and effort, but the rewards are worth it. Remember, everyone deserves to be in a healthy and happy relationship.

This essay is a simple guide to understanding the concept of healthy relationships. It is important to remember that each relationship is unique and may require different approaches. But the basic principles of respect, trust, and communication always remain the same.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

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How do you know if your relationship is healthy?

Relationships are a necessary part of healthy living, but there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.  Relationships, from acquaintances to romances, have the potential to enrich our lives and add to our enjoyment of life.  However, these same relationships can cause discomfort, and sometimes even cause harm.  Take a few minutes to learn more about how to protect yourself from developing unhealthy relationships.

Frequently Asked Questions

What makes a healthy relationship.

A healthy relationship is when two people develop a connection based on:

• Mutual respect
• Fairness/equality
• Separate identities
• Good communication
• A sense of playfulness/fondness

All of these things take work. Each relationship is most likely a combination of both healthy and unhealthy characteristics. Relationships need to be maintained and healthy relationships take work. This applies to all relationships; work relationships, friendships, family and romantic relationships.

What are the signs of a healthy relationship?

A healthy relationship should bring more happiness than stress to your life. Every relationship will have stress at times, but you want to prevent prolonged mental stress on either member of the relationship.

Below are some characteristic that may be present in your healthy relationships.

While in a healthy relationship you:

• Take care of yourself and have good self-esteem independent of your relationship
• Maintain and respect each other’s individuality
• Maintain relationships with friends and family
• Have activities apart from one another
• Are able to express yourselves to one another without fear of consequences
• Are able to feel secure and comfortable
• Allow and encourage other relationships
• Take interest in one another’s activities
• Do not worry about violence in the relationship
• Trust each other and be honest with each other
• Have the option of privacy
• Have respect for sexual boundaries
• Are honest about sexual activity if it is a sexual relationship
• Accept influence. Relationships are give and take; allowing your partner to influence you is important; this can be especially difficult for some men.
• Resolve conflict fairly: Fighting is part of even healthy relationships, the difference is how the conflict is handled.  Fighting fairly  is an important skill you help you have healthier relationships.

What are the signs of an unhealthy relationship?

At times all relationships will have some of the characteristics listed below. However, unhealthy relationships will exhibit these characteristics more frequently and cause you stress and pressure that is hard to avoid. This tension is unhealthy for both members of the relationship and may lead to problems in other areas of your life.

While in an unhealthy relationship you:

• Put one person before the other by neglecting yourself or your partner
• Feel pressure to change who you are for the other person
• Feel worried when you disagree with the other person
• Feel pressure to quit activities you usually/used to enjoy
• Pressure the other person into agreeing with you or changing to suit you better
• Notice one of you has to justify your actions (e.g., where you go, who you see)
• Notice one partner feels obligated to have sex or has been forced
• Have a lack of privacy, and may be forced to share everything with the other person
• You or your partner refuse to use safer sex methods
• Notice arguments are not settled fairly
• Experience yelling or physical violence during an argument
• Attempt to control or manipulate each other
• Notice your partner attempts to controls how you dress and criticizes your behaviors
• Do not make time to spend with one another
• Have no common friends, or have a lack of respect for each others’ friends and family
• Notice an unequal control of resources (e.g., food, money, home, car, etc.)
• Experience a lack of fairness and equality

If some of your relationships have some of these characteristics it does not necessarily mean the relationship is doomed. By recognizing how these characteristics affect you, you can begin to work on improving the negative aspect of your relationships to benefit both of you.

When should I seek professional help for my relationship?

If a partner ever tries to harm you physically or force you to do something sexually that should be a clear sign for you that it is an unhealthy relationship. In that situation, you should consider getting help or ending the relationship. Even if you believe the person loves you, it does not make up for the harm they are doing to you.

Other circumstances include:

• When you are unhappy in a relationship, but cannot decide if you should accept your unhappiness, try to improve the relationship, or end the relationship.
• When you have decided to leave a relationship, but find yourself still in the relationship.
• When you think you are staying in the relationship for the wrong reasons, such as fear of being alone or guilt.
• If you have a history of staying in unhealthy relationships.

Having a counselor or mental health provider to talk to can help you work out challenges in your relationships and find a solution that is healthy for both partners.  UW offers  individual counseling and support to students.  If you are a UW student who needs help with an unhealthy relationship,  learn about resources here .

Where can I get more information?

National Domestic Violence Hotline  (24/7) National Bilingual Hotline: 800.799.SAFE (7233)

Go Ask Alice  (Columbia University)

Relationship quizzes

Tips for Healthy Relationships

UW Resources

• Relationship violence resources
• Individual Counseling
• Group Counseling

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• Relationships

Overcoming the Aftermath of Leaving a Toxic Relationship

Toxic relationships are directly related to mental health..

Posted May 18, 2018 | Reviewed by Kaja Perina

Recently I published a couple of articles on toxic relationships that focused on how to recognize toxic individuals and toxic relationships and how to leave a toxic relationship and still love yourself . Relationships do not directly result in mental health disorders and eating disorders but trauma secondary to toxic relationships is a definite trigger. May is Mental Health Awareness Month and we often stray away from talking about the aftermaths of toxic relationships due to the stigma that is associated with toxicity and mental health. However, we must talk about it because it is something that affects many individuals on a daily basis.

“Most of us have been involved in a toxic relationship at one time or another in our lifetimes. We all have been in the company of others who did not act for the greater good of anyone besides themselves. Toxicity comes in all forms: name-calling, physical abuse, lying , gossip and all the internal turmoil that results from being in an unhealthy relationship. Whether it is a personal relationship involving a family member, lover or a friend, or a professional relationship involving a co-worker or a boss, toxic relationships can damage and leave long-lasting effects on the person involved in one”.

The effects of a toxic relationship

Toxic relationships are harmful to all parties involved and can cause lasting damaging effects even after you leave the relationship behind. The media often portrays individuals committing suicide or harming their spouse and child and we often do not realize the brutal pretenses leading up to these heartbreaking events. Trauma secondary to toxic relationships can cause people to act in ways that are unimaginable, brutal and devastating. Once a loved one leaves a toxic relationship we often exhale a huge sigh of relief and continue our daily activities without thinking if our loved one is enduring emotional and mental pain and/or trauma that has incurred from this toxic relationship. This trauma can often lead to feelings of depression , anxiety , disordered eating , low self-esteem and self-harm such as cutting. Mental health and traumatic triggers are directly linked to toxic relationships and vice versa. The chronic emotional and mental stress of being surrounded by a toxic individual can take a toll on your mental health. You can find yourself feeling isolated, sad, stressed , not good enough, worthless and these thoughts and emotions can lead to eating disorders and mental health disorders. The aftermaths of leaving a toxic relationship can also lead individuals to develop toxic characteristics of their own which can potentially harm their future relationships and friendships.

Recognizing that you are in a toxic relationship is the first step to improving your mental health and the second step is leaving that toxic relationship but the final step to bettering yourself is making sure you are dealing with your internal mental and emotional trauma in a positive manner. Recognizing and acknowledging these feelings and behaviors that can soon develop after exiting a toxic relationship is an extremely important step in your journey to becoming mentally and emotionally healthy. If you feel like you cannot handle these feelings on your own, it is perfectly acceptable to seek help from a mental health professional.

How to take care of yourself after exiting a toxic relationship

• Surround yourself with positive people
• Maintain a good and constant support group
• Practice self-care whether this is exercise, reading a good book, or buying yourself a gift
• Do not allow feelings of regret or self-doubt to manifest on a regular basis
• Take time for yourself before you dive back into another relationship
• Talk about your feelings
• Seek professional help if necessary
• Do not be afraid of sharing your story or feeling shame for what you experienced
• Make new friends
• Do not victimize yourself but instead view yourself as a strong individual

Self-blame and the aftermath

After exiting a toxic relationship it is normal for individuals to become tangled in self-blame and remember the good times but forget the name-calling, the manipulation, the control and the isolation. It is important to keep in mind that you left the relationship for a reason because you were being treated poorly and regardless of the kind words, romantic gestures, or strong chemistry your partner provided, your partner also left you broken and emotionally traumatized. Self-blame is a defense mechanism we often use to cover up our internal battle wounds but we must recognize that self-blame is a form of toxicity in itself.

Don’t allow that person to keep a piece of your heart forever

I believe that after every heartbreak, you leave a piece of you with that other person, and you may not ever get that piece back. Over time that emptiness will heal and can fill with joy, even though experiences, memories, thoughts, emotions, tears, and laughter may always be left with past individuals with whom you have shared your life. This is the human experience and the journey to find true love. Loving yourself is the most important step in a relationship and the most important step after leaving a relationship. Remember to stay true to yourself and always “check in” to make sure you are emotionally and mentally healing from your past trauma.

Kristen Fuller, M.D., is a physician and a clinical mental health writer for Center For Discovery.

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12 Elements of Healthy Relationships

In every relationship , it’s important to consider how we treat  one an other.  Whether it’s  romantic , platonic , familial, intimate , or sexual , your relationship  with another should be respectful, honest, and fun.  

When relationships are healthy, they promote  emotional and social  well ness .  When relationships are unhealthy,  you  may feel drained, overwhelmed, and  invisible .   

In a pandemic, it’s even more important to consid er how you engage with others.   B oundaries, communication, and time apart  are vital to having relationships everyone  involved  feels good about.   Reflect on your current relationships and consider how you can incorporate the  elements  listed below:  

• Communication . The way you talk with friends or partners is an important part of a relationship. Everyone involved should be able to communicate feelings, opinions, and beliefs. When communicating, consider tone and phrasing. Miscommunication often occurs when individuals choose to text versus talking in person or a phone call. Figuring out the best ways to express your feelings together will help eliminate miscommunication.
• Boundaries . Boundaries are physical, emotional, and mental limits or guidelines a person sets for themselves which others need to respect. You and your partners or friends should feel comfortable in the activities you are doing together. All individuals involved should be respectful of boundaries. Whether it’s romantic, sexual, or platonic, consider what you want the relationship to look like and discuss it with the other(s).
• Consent . Consent is important in all relationships. Consent is uncoerced permission to interact with the body or the life of another person. Coercion can look like pressure to do something, physical force, bargaining, or someone holding power over another to get what they want. Consent can look like asking about boundaries in relationships, actively listening to responses, and always respecting those boundaries.
• Trust . Each person in the relationship should have confidence in one another. If you are questioning whether to trust someone, it may be important to communicate your feelings to them. Consider what makes you not trust someone. Is it something they did, or is it something you’ve experienced in other relationships?
• Honesty . Honesty is important for communication. Each person within the relationship or friendship should have the opportunity to express their feelings and concerns. If you don’t feel comfortable being honest with someone, consider why and seek support if needed.
• Independence . It’s important to have time to yourself in any relationship. Having opportunities to hang with others or time for self-care is important to maintain a healthy relationship. If you live with your partner(s) or friend(s), set up designated areas within your place where you can spend time alone.
• Equality . Each person in the relationship should have an equal say in what’s going on. Listen to each other and respect boundaries.
• Support . Each person in the relationship should feel supported. It’s important to have compassion and empathy for one another. In addition to supporting one another, it’s important to recognize your own needs and communicate boundaries around support.
• Responsibility . Some days you may find you said something hurtful or made a mistake. Make sure to take responsibility for your actions and do not place the blame on your partner(s) or friend(s). Taking responsibility for your actions will further trust and honesty.
• Healthy conflict . You may think conflict is a sign of an unhealthy relationship, but talking about issues or disagreements is normal. You won’t find a person that has the exact same interests, opinions, and beliefs as you; thus, at times disagreements may occur. Communicating your feelings and opinions while being respectful and kind is part of a healthy relationship.
• Safety . Safety is the foundation of connection in a relationship. In order to set boundaries, communicate, and have fun, everyone must feel safe. If you do not feel safe to express your feelings, have independence, or anything else on this list, seek support using the resources below.
• Fun . In addition to all these components, you should be enjoying the time you spend with others. Again, it’s important that your relationships promote your well-being and do not diminish it.

Want to learn more about healthy relationships? Check out this quiz by Love is Respect , a project of the National Domestic Violence Hotline .

If you or someone you know is in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, the university has confidential, non-confidential, and peer-led resources you can contact for help and support.

Confidential resources provide assistance and support and information shared is protected and cannot be reported unless given explicit permission from the individual that disclosed; there is imminent threat of harm to the individual or others; the conduct involves suspected abuse of a minor under the age of 18; or otherwise permitted by law or court order.

Non-confidential resources are available to provide support or assistance to individuals but are not confidential and may have broader obligations to report information. Non-confidential resources will report information only to the necessary departments, such as Office of Institutional Equity (OIE).

Peer-led resources are available to provide support and assistance. Services are provided by Johns Hopkins students, and are non-confidential.

Hopkins Confidential Resources

• Counseling Center : 410-516-8278 (press 1 for the on-call counselor). Serves all full-time undergraduate & graduate students from KSAS, WSE, and Peabody.
• Counseling Center Sexual Assault HelpLine: 410-516-7333. Serves all Johns Hopkins students.
• Student Health and Wellness Center : 410-516-4784. Serves all full-time, part-time, and visiting undergraduate and graduate students from KSAS, WSE, and Peabody. Serves post-doctoral fellows enrolled in KSAS, WSE, School of Education, and Sheridan Libraries.
• Religious and Spiritual Life : 410-516-1880.
• Gender Violence Prevention and Education: Alyse Campbell, [email protected] , book a time to chat at: tinyurl.com/MeetwAlyse . Serves all Johns Hopkins students.
• University Health Services (UHS): 410-955-3250
• Mental Health Services : 410-955-1892
• Johns Hopkins Student Assistance Program (JHSAP): 443-287-7000. Serves graduate, medical, and professional students, and immediate family members.

Hopkins Non-confidential Resources

• Hopkins Sexual Assault Response and Prevention website
• Campus Safety and Security : 410-516-7777
• Office of LGBTQ Life : [email protected]
• Office of Institutional Equity : 410-516-8075
• Office of the Dean of Student Life : 410-516-8208

Peer-Led Resources

• Sexual Assault Resource Unit (SARU): Private hotline: 410-516-7887. Serves all Johns Hopkins students.
• A Place to Talk (available on Zoom). Serves Homewood undergrads.

Community Resources

• TurnAround Inc. Hotline : 443-279-0379
• Rape, Abuse, and Incest, National Network : National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-4673
• Maryland Coalition Against Sexual Assault (MCASA)
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The difference between healthy and unhealthy love - katie hood.

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Let’s Begin…

In a talk about understanding and practicing the art of healthy relationships, Katie Hood reveals the five signs you might be in an unhealthy relationship -- with a romantic partner, a friend, a family member -- and shares the things you can do every day to love with respect, kindness and joy.

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Unhealthy Relationships: Symptoms and Side Effects

Our society has become more health-conscious than ever, and nutrition , fitness, organic products, and eco-friendly practices are granted greater consideration. Still, many don’t seem to realise that dysfunctional relationships can be just as detrimental to our health as fast food and pollution.

You may have heard that having close relationships promotes well-being and increases life expectancy, which is generally true. But not when those relationships are unhealthy as anyone who’s been through a difficult divorce or had to deal with back-stabbing friends can attest.

Although unhealthy relationships can take many forms – partners, friendships, parent/child dynamics, or co-workers. Let’s focus on unhealthy relationships in couples.

How do you know if your relationship with your partner is unhealthy? Let’s look at some of the signs:

Symptoms of unhealthy relationships

• Intensity and volatility. If you’re with someone that routinely expresses extreme feelings or display’s over-the-top behavior, it can get quite overwhelming. This is especially true if they seem to want to rush things along and reach a level of intimacy you’re not yet comfortable with. A person who is volatile – has intense and unpredictable reactions – can make you feel confused and frightened, like you need to walk on eggshells around them. This can become even more harmful if they seem obsessive about wanting to be in constant contact or resort to yelling and threats.
• Possessiveness. Jealousy is a normal human emotion, and we tend to look at it as a sign that our partner has strong feelings for us. But when jealousy becomes unhealthy, it turns into possessiveness. They’ll accuse you of things you didn’t do, lash out and try to control your schedule and who you spend time with. 
• Manipulation. Manipulation can often go unnoticed since it has to be subtle to work. As a rule of thumb, someone is trying to manipulate you when they don’t recognise that your feelings are just as important as theirs, and they attempt to convince you to do things you’re not comfortable with or try to influence your perception. A common tactic is guilting. They’ll try to blame you for how they feel as if it’s your job to make sure they’re happy at all times. They’ll often try to make you feel bad for things you didn’t cause or can’t control, and sometimes they’ll threaten to do things that are self-destructive because ‘you’re hurting their feelings’ by not doing what they want to do or because you want to leave the relationship.
• They belittle or sabotage you. Belittling is in itself a form of sabotage. They might say things or do things that make you feel bad about yourself. Sometimes they’ll play it off as a joke and shift the blame on you for not having a sense of humour or being too sensitive. Over time, they’ll start to make you feel like you are not smart enough or capable enough to make your own decisions, and you should let them. They can also start rumours or talk behind your back in order to hurt your relationships with those in your inner circle, which brings us to our next point.
• They try to isolate you. If your partner tries to keep you away from your extended family and friends, this is another sign that you are in an unhealthy relationship. It might be subtle at first. They’ll just ask to spend more time together, but later they’ll start demanding that you break ties with certain people they might feel threatened by. They may try to make you question your own judgement and say that they only want what’s best for you, and X person is a bad influence. This is another attempt to gain control and make you more dependent on them.

These are just  some of the signs that you’re in an unhealthy relationship . The best way to decide if your relationship is hurting you is to pay attention to how you feel. A healthy relationship is based on mutual respect and good communication. It should bring you more happiness than stress. Although no relationship is a constant state of blissful harmony, you’ll want to pay attention to the signs, so you can prevent the effects a stressful relationship has on your health.

Side effects

• Chronic stress. Unhealthy relationships can become a source of chronic stress. A 2003 study published in the Physiology and Behavior Journal showed that unhappily married couples are worse off in terms of general health than their unmarried counterparts. Likewise, a 2005 study showed that this stress can spill over into the rest of your life, including your career. The researchers measured the cortisol levels and blood pressure of 105 middle-aged people of both sexes and found that those dealing with marital strain had higher levels of cortisol in the morning and higher blood pressure in the middle of the workday. If your relationship is causing you chronic stress, the best way to address it is as a couple. Of course, to engage in a productive conversation, you may first need to take a break and practice self-care. You can turn to natural stress-relief options such as the ones from  OrganicCBDNugs.com , rely on family and friends for an objective perspective and comforting words, or consult a psychotherapist. Even if your partner is not open to the idea of couple’s counselling, you can still benefit from going to a few sessions by yourself.
• Increased risk of cardiovascular disease.   As you might expect, high blood pressure and cortisol levels over an extended time will increase your chances of developing cardiovascular disease.  A long-term study that examined more than 10,000 people for an average of 12 years showed that those in dysfunctional relationships had higher chances of developing heart problems.  Another 2007 study monitored the health of 9,000 men and women and found that those who reported having “adverse” relationships had 34% higher risk of developing cardiovascular disease even when factoring for weight and social support. 
• Mental Health. Chronic stress stemming from negative behaviors such as criticism and hostility in relationships has also been linked to poor mental health. A study showed that single people tend to have better mental health than those in turbulent relationships and other studies also showed that too many break-ups are worse than staying single.

Peter Wallace has been an advocate for mental health awareness for years. He holds a master’s degree in counselling from the University of Edinburgh.

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The Research Paper Factory

Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships

In: Other Topics

"Healthy Relationships" In this essay the author tells us about healthy relationships, but I will be addressing the difference between a healthy an unhealthy relationship. A healthy relationship makes you feel good about yourself, feeling loved. In have high self-esteem, along with a positive attitude. A healthy relationship may involve: Siblings, Friends, Intimate friends or spouse. An unhealthy relationship should not involve no one that's going to make the relationship worse than it already is. An Unhealthy relationship may have your head somewhere else or have you thinking down about yourself, which may cause low self esteem. In a unhealthy relationship your partner may be too controlling or very mean and harmful. In terms of a relationship , it does not have to be intimate to be considered a healthy relationship. Best friends could be in an unhealthy relationship also. If one friend is considered a bad person to other people, in the other person is the good person, but the only time they bad is when they with a bad person. Even if the good person does not act bad, if they hang out with bad people they may be considered bad themselves. As far as Siblings are concerned, if one sibling always picks or tease the other sibling , that may be considered a unhealthy relationship. Siblings can either make a relationship healthy or unhealthy . Once it comes down to it , Siblings can act different once they around people they know. It depends on the way they carry themselves around friends in other close family member and other siblings. Ninthy -five percent of the time siblings makes a unhealthy hard to fix. Siblings can also make a relationship healthy because of the actions that carries on. Siblings must have a positive attitude to keep a relationship healthy , so it want be any disagreement. Some siblings can be very annoying at time. You in your siblings may not get along all the time so most likely you and your sibling will have a unhealthy relationship before having a healthy relationship. As far as Spouses are concerned, if one spouse belittles or verbally, physically, or mentally abuse the other one, that would also lead to an unhealthy relationship. No ones perfect, even in healthy relationships you may have disagreements which will decide on if it will be a healthy or unhealthy relationship. Some spouse may think arguing in fighting is healthy because they think its another way of showing their partner they care, even though its about trust and honesty. As far as a healthy relationship goes , I believe on the person. If you like positive people with a good attitude then a healthy relationship should blossom out of it. In retrospect, you should be more cautious of who you choose as a spouse, friend, intimate friend, or boyfriend. However intimate friends can have a unhealthy or healthy relationship. Just because you talking to that person or sleeping with that person do not mean its healthy or unhealthy. Not all intimate friends have positive minds, some intimate friends have toxic minds which means they trying to run the relationship. Intimate friends don't have to be an a relationship, they can be very close to one another or very open about each other. Not all intimate friends have sex. Intimate friends must have rules or it will lead to a very dangerous situation. The situation may be hard to handle or get out of depending on how big the problem is. However intimate friends have healthy relationships by respecting one another. Since most intimate relationships aren’t serious so it shouldn’t lead to a unhealthy relationship. Friends can make a relationship healthy in unhealthy also. Some friends expect to much out of you. Friends can be complicated through out relationships. Most friends get jealous. Jealousy is a big issue. It will cause an unhealthy relationship. Friends can also make it unhealthy by peer pressure. They may persuade you to do something you never done before or never looked forward to do due to the effect. Of course you going to do it because its your friend , ad now you are worried about what your friend is doing in what they think about you. Even though you and your friend may argue or disagree on a lot of things do not mean it's a unhealthy relationship. Just normal in todays world. You and your friend should be able to sit down in talk about the disagreement and make a agreement. Healthy relationships make you feel good about your self and feeling good with someone else. Its up to you to make a relationship healthy or unhealthy. You must pay attention to one another so you will know what makes you happy about that person inside and out. Communication, honesty, trust and respect will lead you and the right direction of a healthy relationship.

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How to Have Healthy Family Relationships With Less Stress

Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments.

Families can be a life-giving force when they are healthy and relatively stress-free. When healthy, they can be one constant you can count on—so much so that a healthy family relationship can positively impact your health and well-being.  

Strong family relationships also provide comfort, guidance, and strength that you can draw on in times of stress. Likewise, they provide a sense of belonging and unconditional love you are not likely to find anywhere else.

Benefits of Health Family Relationships

Strong family relationships can:

• Help individuals cope with stress
• Improve self-esteem
• Increase well-being
• Encourage people to engage in healthy behaviors
• Provide social support
• Create a foundation for healthy, trusting relationships with others
• Allows people to feel secure and loved
• Encourage the development of values and personal responsibility

But when these relationships are unhealthy or stress-filled, they can feel exhausting and emotionally draining. A highly-conflicted or toxic family relationship can cause a lot of damage. Not only do these unhealthy relationships deprive you of support, but they also can create additional stress, conflict, and even health issues.

For instance, research indicates that 10% to 30% of children grow up in families where their health and well-being are endangered or weakened by unhealthy family relationships.

What Makes a Family Healthy

Generally, people depend on their families in times of crisis for emotional and practical support. Sometimes they even depend on them for support when they're experiencing a financial crisis .

The family is a constant in a person's life. Families also carry your history and share your future. Who better than siblings, parents, and other close relatives to reminisce with about your childhood?

This connection to fond memories, support in times of need, and unconditional love is the unique way that families can bring happiness, stress relief, and a sense of well-being.

According to researchers, strong families all have six qualities in common.   These qualities include appreciation/affection, commitment, positive communication, time together, strong coping skills, and spiritual well-being. Here's a closer look at each.

Appreciation and Affection

Healthy families help one another when they need it. They also keep their promises, support one another, and show affection when they are together. A warm embrace, a squeeze of the hand, or a pat on the back all are gestures that speak love and support to one another.

Healthy families are loyal, supportive, and committed. They find it easy to trust one another with the details of their lives. They also share responsibilities and make decisions together and are there for you when you need them. No one has your back like your family.

Positive Communication

Healthy families often share regular meals together and enjoy talking about their lives and their experiences. What's more, criticisms, putdowns, name-calling, and other types of emotional abuse are rare.

Instead, families encourage and build one another up.

Time Together

Typically, healthy families have fun when they are together, smiling and laughing often. Whether their time is planned or spontaneous, strong families enjoy being around one another. They also share one another's interests and passions.

Strong Coping Skills

Resilience is a hallmark of healthy families. While dealing with a challenge or a crisis is never easy, healthy families encourage one another to remain strong and hopeful. They often look for the good in a bad situation and accept the things they cannot change. Going through a crisis together makes their bonds even stronger.

Spiritual Well-Being

Healthy families usually have positive outlooks on life. They also are filled with thankfulness and gratitude. Typically, these families share common values and may even share the same spiritual or religious beliefs.

Even if they do not agree on everything, healthy families are kind and respectful of other opinions.

Coping With Common Family Issues

Unfortunately, family relationships are so complex, they're not always easy to navigate. In fact, dealing with difficult family members is downright hard.

And even though it may be better for your stress level and your health to eliminate strained relationships from your life, it's not always that simple when difficult people are related to you. To keep conflict at bay and reduce stress, check out these tips on dealing with common family issues.

Focus on Healthy Communication

Conflict is virtually inevitable in any relationship, but there are healthy ways of dealing with it. For instance, if you know that you and your family member disagree over religion or politics, try to stick to more neutral topics. Likewise, if your family member has some negative traits that really rub you the wrong way, focus on the positives instead.

Listening and being empathetic whenever you can is especially important as well. But don't be a doormat either. It's fine to be assertive and let family members know when they have crossed a line.

And, if the conversation is spiraling out of control, know when to take a timeout. With a little hard work, you may be able to have a respectful conversation with your family members, even when you don't see eye to eye.

Be Authentic

When people get together with their families of origin, it is not uncommon to revert to old behavior patterns. But if you’ve grown beyond these old roles and they no longer reflect who you are, don't be afraid to be who you are now. It may take some hard work to stay true to yourself, but in the end, you will be glad you did.

When family members mention how much you have changed or tell you they miss the old you, don't feel obligated to be that person again, especially if you changed for a reason.

For instance, if you were once a heavy drinker and the life of the party, it might be hard for family members to adjust to seeing you without a drink in your hand. But they will get used to it.

You don't have to sacrifice who you are now to make other people feel comfortable. This is called people-pleasing and it's an unhealthy habit to fall into.

Address Family Prejudices

Typically, prejudices arise from a misguided or learned belief that certain groups of people need to be treated differently or with less respect and consideration. Some common prejudices involve race, ethnicity, religion, gender, and sexual orientation.

When you witness prejudice in family members, it's important to tactfully address it right away. Sometimes family members don't realize that what they are doing or saying is marginalizing and insulting.

Talking about tolerance and acceptance is essential. Just be sure to do it lovingly. If you get emotional, judgmental, or angry, your family members will likely focus on those things instead of hearing what you're saying.

If they are unwilling to be respectful, you may need to establish some boundaries with them. Being family doesn't give them the right to disrespect you, a significant other, or anyone else.

Deal With Family Drama

Sometimes families are filled with gossiping, backstabbing, and other types of relational drama. When this happens, it is best to shut it down or stay out of it altogether. Nothing good comes from throwing shade, talking behind people's backs, and pitting people against one another.

Even if you don't participate in the drama, just listening to the mean words communicates that you might condone it. Instead, try redirecting the conversation or walking away. You also can be more direct and indicate that you are not comfortable with the conversation.

The key is to let your family member know that you don't want to be part of the drama.

Address Adult Sibling Rivalry and Jealousy

Sibling relationships are complex, but even more so if sibling rivalry or jealousy exists. In fact, adult sibling rivalry can cause strained relationships, where siblings argue and struggle to get along.

If you feel your relationship with your family is strained because your parents favor another sibling, you may be surprised to find that you’re not alone.

Try not to take perceived favoritism personally or allow it to impact your relationship with the family. While it may appear your parent is closer to your sibling, this does not mean that it is true or that your parent loves that sibling more than you. And whatever you do, do not perpetuate these feelings by competing with your sibling.

You can cope with common family issues by improving communication, being authentic, addressing prejudices, and managing family drama or jealousy.

How to Get Help

Dysfunctional families can take a toll on individual health, but there are steps you can take to address serious problems in the family unit. Family therapy is a type of treatment that focuses on mending relationships, improving communication, and helping each family member understand their place and impact on the rest of the family.

There are also specific types of family therapy, such as:

• Family systems therapy
• Functional family therapy
• Narrative family therapy
• Psychoeducation
• Strategic family therapy
• Supportive family therapy

In many cases, therapists may draw on various techniques and traditions to address a family's specific needs. If you think your family would benefit from therapy, talk to your doctor for a referral. 

While therapy is often most effective when all members participate, this is not always possible. If other family members are unwilling or able to attend therapy, you will also benefit from talking to a therapist on your own.

A Word From Verywell

While you cannot control the types of relationships you have with your family members, you can create greater harmony in your relationships. Work toward strengthening and improving your family relationships. Be open, honest, and empathetic, but don't be afraid to set boundaries with toxic or abusive family members. You are not required to endure abuse just because you're related.

Thomas PA, Liu H, Umberson D. Family relationships and well-being . Innov Aging . 2017;1(3):igx025. doi:10.1093/geroni/igx025

Poutiainen H, Hakulinen-Virtanen T, Laatikainen T. Associations between family characteristics and public health nurses' concerns at children's health examinations . Scand J Caring Sci . 2014;28(2):225-34. doi:10.1111/scs.12035

Defrain J. Asay S. Strong families around the world . Marriage & Family Review . 41(1-2):1-10. doi:10.1300/J002v41n01_01

Carr A.  Family therapy and systemic interventions for child-focused problems: the current evidence base: Child-focused problems .  Journal of Family Therapy . 2019;41(2):153-213. doi:10.1111/1467-6427.12226

Varghese M, Kirpekar V, Loganathan S.  Family interventions: basic principles and techniques .  Indian J Psychiatry . 2020;62(Suppl 2):S192-S200. doi:10.4103/psychiatry.IndianJPsychiatry_770_19

By Elizabeth Scott, PhD Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

Unhealthy Relationships

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships Abstract Toxicity in relationships can be invisible to the victims experiencing it. Long term relationships or those where one person is dependent on the other can be tough for some people to get out of. It’s relationships like these which get often overlooked due to both parties refraining from sharing their feelings with family and friends. When a relationship becomes all take and no give, it could become physically, mentally, or emotionally draining, leaving someone feeling negative and worried instead of positive and productive. Spending too much time with a toxic person could make someone less trusting of new people, which could keep them from opening up to people or networking in their …show more content…

Victims of domestic violence and their attackers come from all different kinds of places, whether it be someone know professionally or personally. It is quite common and is mostly associated with females. Physical assault is the common form of this violence, though, it may be related to any type of abuse. Having no one to talk to and fear are especially strong when it comes to keeping women from leaving the relationship. Domestic violence is not uncommon in the US, especially amongst females. Almost one-third of American women turn in their significant other for being abusive (Commonwealth, 1998). Domestic Violence against women is commonly overlooked in the United States and almost always unnoticed by society. The way violence is defined is by: Violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner. If this is true, then it is perplexing considering how many women are abused by their loved ones every year. People assume that women who are being abused would look small, fragile and weak. They believe she would be a poor minority with many young children. This is true for some abused women, but research proves the stereotype to be false (Walker p.18). In actuality, most of the women have great jobs being lawyers, executives, and nurses. These women are found throughout all levels of wealth and education. The greatest risk comes to women who are in intimate relationship, and domestic violence usually involves a weapon. "Approximately one in four attacks involved the use of a gun or knife,” according to a statistical study. Young minorities were the most vulnerable, as well as poor single women without much

Family Law: Paralegals and Victims of Domestic Violence

Working with victims of domestic violence can be an extremely rewarding and fulfilling endeavor. One of the most crucial aspects for a paralegal working with victim of domestic violence is adequately engaging in the task of educating oneself to understand the commonalities of such victims and the ordeals that they have been through. Such clients are drastically different from other individuals who have suffered other physical and violent crimes. Understanding the background of someone who has lived through domestic violence is absolutely central to being able to provide adequate and sensitive legal care. Most victims of domestic violence are women (95%) though domestic violence can have an impact on ever age, class, race, ethnic, cultural or religious group (purplerainfoundation, 2012). "In the United States, nearly one in three adult women experience at least one physical assault by a partner during adulthood (American Psychological Association, Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family 1996 Report)" (purplerainfoundation, 2012). These women are often terrified of their partner's temper, apologize when they are abused and often in the most extremely controlling and isolated environment where the abusive partner will control who the partner sees and where the partner goes outside of the home, jealous of outside relationships (purplerainfoundation, 2012). In these abusive relationships the women are hit,

Domestic Violence in America Essay

Domestic abuse in the United States is a large-scale and complex social and health problem. The home is the most violent setting in America today (Lay, 1994). Sadly enough, the majority of people who are murdered are not likely killed by a stranger during a hold-up or similar crime but are killed by someone they know. Not surprisingly, the Center for Disease Control and prevention has identified interpersonal violence as a major public health problem (Velson-Friedrich, 1994). Current estimates suggest that three to four million women are the victims of physical abuse by their intimate partners (Harris & Cook, 1994). According to the FBI, some form of domestic violence occurs in half of the homes in the United States at least once a

Essay on Research Methods Unit 9 Final

Domestic violence against women happens around the world every day, but the main focus of location discussed in this paper is Washington State. Females are most likely to suffer domestic violence abuse from someone that they know. In such cases, it has been a spouse that is the attacker. Women escape these violent crimes and reach out for help, but not every time. Based off of the data collected, I strongly believe that females are more often victims of domestic violence than males.

Domestic Violence Against Indigenous Women

The article constructs domestic violence as an issue of gender, race and socioeconomic status. Women are identified as the “majority” of victims (Taylor 2014). Consequently, the article conceptually represents domestic violence as events of intimate terrorism where one partner violently terrorizes the other partner to gain complete control over the relationship, which is entirely perpetrated by men (Johnson 2012). With that said, Johnson (2012) points out that majority of domestic violence is situational couple violence, where both the man and the

History Of Domestic Violence Against Women

Lindsey also states that women who are low income and those who are unemployed tend to be the ones more affected by domestic violence (307). Furthermore, Muro and Mein state that Hispanic women tend to experience domestic violence in a high rate; culture plays a big part in violence against women. Lindsey explains that women from African American descents are more exposed to domestic violence than white women. Furthermore, Lindsey declares that wife battering is not taken as a serious situation because it is believed to be part of a marriage life (307). She also explains that domestic violence is not only physical, but also sexual and emotional abuse (307). According to Lindsey, back in history, the “rule of thumb” allowed men to “bit his wife if she answer back to him” (p 307). Furthermore, Lindsey declares that many women are being rape by their partners, but they do not report it because there is no way to prove it (307). She also states that domestic abuse is the main cause of injury in women in the United States (307). In addition, “one-third of all women who are murdered die in the hands of husbands and boyfriends” (307). As we can see, Domestic violence does not discriminate against culture or social status. Women from different ethnic groups experience domestic violence. For example, Few relate a case of a 43 year old Black woman who was beaten by her husband until her head was swollen. Few explains that this woman was afraid to die because she was unrecognizable by the beating her husband has done to her. She called the police, and was another woman who was able to escape from her abusive husband, but she end with some mental and physical

The Prevalence Of Domestic Violence

The prevalence of domestic violence in the United States is that it is occurring far more often than many individuals would choose to admit. This form of violence is by no means new and culturally the problem itself does not discriminate, there is no specific criteria that completely omits one from becoming a victim of domestic violence. The dynamics of domestic violence consist of the aggressor utilizing violence to maintain dominance and control over the victim. The victimization that is consistent with domestic violence can come in various forms including, physical, sexual, psychological, mental/emotional, and financial. Domestic violence victimization is a cycle that usually is difficult to terminate by many victims as well as aggressors. Individuals involved in abusive relationships continue to remain in them for various reasons such as, maintaining financial stability, desire or hope that things will change overtime, fear that their abuser, will further harm them for leaving the relationship, embarrassment of their situation, or there may be children involved and the victims wants to avoid some of the harsh realities associated with a broken home. Oftentimes domestic violence victims blame themselves for the violence encountered by their abusers, figuring that if they do things differently the next time, maybe they won’t be victimized again by their partner. Conversely, violence committed by abusers is often self-driven and hinges on very minor actions executed by the

Domestic violence

“Every year, in the United States there are over 3 million incidents of reported domestic violence. Every year, 4,000 victims of domestic violence are killed.” (Domestic Violence: Disturbing Facts about Domestic Violence). Domestic violence is a crime that is not just committed in the United States, but worldwide. This crime is committed every day, every hour, every minute, and every second. Anybody can be a victim or the abuser. This can happen to any child, man or woman. This is a horrific crime. Women are more likely to be the victim in domestic violence than men. “Forty-five percent of all violent attacks against female victims 12 years old and older by multiple

Domestic Violence in the United States

• 10 Works Cited

Domestic violence affects a large amount of relationships in the United States each year. As the times have changed, abuse has become less accepted as a normal occurrence, and society has begun working together to provide awareness towards violence in intimate partner relationships. “Problems of family violence are potentially the most destructive in our society” (Kurland 23). Domestic violence is a problem that begins in the home, and spreads to affect the world around it. Violence is present in relationships of all demographics, be it race, sexual orientation, or social class. No one is entirely safe from experiencing abuse, but if society is taught to recognize the signs it can save a life or even prevent abuse from happening.

The Violence Of The United States

When you look at domestic violence as a whole anyone can be affected by it. Men, women, and children. Those of different cultural groups, socioeconomic classes, and religious backgrounds. Everyone. In 2016 it was estimated that there were approximately “960,000” incidents of domestic violence in the United States (“Domestic Violence”). Of these cases “85%” of the victims were female, and “15%” of the cases involved males. (“Domestic Violence”). From these cases we see a wide variety of situations that these statistics encompass, which include: “physical abuse, sexual abuse, psychological abuse,

Sociological Perspective On Domestic Violence

Domestic violence has been an ongoing problem for many years women are often abused physically mentally and emotionally. When domestic violence occurs there are past reasons that the domestic partner is mentally capable of distributing this type of violence. Women have fallen victim to domestic abuse forever, domestic abuse is an undeserved issue that someone with sociological issues develops a violent rage and then acts and reacts in a violent manner. Over time domestic violence has increased and this increase can be attributed to the contribution of how people are treated as children, the examples that their parents set for them, as well as people and issues in their present situations that may also contribute to violent attributes.

Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships are dangerous to your health; they will literally kill you. Stress shortens your lifespan. Even a broken heart can kill you. There is an undeniable mind-body connection. Your arguments and hateful talk can land you in the emergency room or in the morgue. You were not meant to live in a fever of anxiety; screaming yourself hoarse in a frenzy of dreadful, panicked fight-or-flight that leaves you exhausted and numb with grief. You were not meant to live like animals tearing one another to shreds. Don't turn your hair gray. Don't carve a roadmap of pain into the sweet wrinkles on your face. Don't lay in the quiet with your heart pounding like a trapped, frightened creature. For your own precious and beautiful life, and for those

Long-Term Effects Of A Bad Relationship

Studies show that when you are in a healthy committed you normally are in a healthy mental state. Though when you are in a toxic, difficult, all-around bad relationship you go from having a normal, healthy mental state to a bad mental health. “Negative behaviors, such as hostility and criticism, during conflict in relationships have been linked to negative impacts on mental health.” Iris tene

Essay on Domestic Violence Informative Outline

According to statistics found by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, Every nine seconds a woman is abused by her husband or intimate partner. At least 1 in every 4 women and 1 in every 9 men have been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused in their lifetime. Most often the abuser is one of their own family. Domestic violence is a problem that somehow affects every one of us in this room at some time and is actually the leading cause of injury to women -- more than car accidents, muggings and rapes combined.

Domestic Abuse And Domestic Violence Essay

“Every year in the United States there are over 3 million incidents of domestic violence. That means that every nine seconds a women is beaten by her domestic partner” (Findeley). There are many women that stay silent when being abuse by their partners. The consequences of staying quiet when obtaining abuse can be dangerous and can also lead to death. Many women do not recognize the importance of the fact that there is in speaking out if they are being abuse by their partner. No woman should take domestic abuse by their partners. Every woman deserves a healthy relationship; A healthy relationship involves trust, respect, and consideration for the other person. Domestic abuse has gotten worse during the past years and is still rising up. One can see that domestic abuse can occur everywhere. Domestic abuse is considered a crime and woman should not keep silent when being abuse.

Causes Of Destructive Relationships

People expect that being in a relationship is filled with love, compassion, and trust, but what they don’t know is that some fairytales do not end with a happily ever after. Relationships can be corrupted into a destructive relationship filled with violence. A destructive relationship for a woman can cause trauma in her life and as the relationship goes on the violence will increase: they choose to stay for the reason being afraid of their partner and having the hope of their partner changing for the better, but those factors can lead to a crucial ending.

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Unhealthy Relationships- The Devastating Effects of Verbal and Emotional Abuse

The statement “A relationship is only unhealthy if it becomes physically violent” could be supported by people who feel that because verbal abuse, lowering of self esteem and other repercussions of mentally or spiritually unhealthy relationships are not directly threatening to your physical health it remains “healthy”. A healthy relationship can be defined as being a reciprocal relationship where there is respect, empathy, compassion, acceptance, cooperation and listening for both people in the relationship. (St Joseph’s University Philadelphia, 2005) the other point of view is with out all of these elements a relationship can not be considered healthy, not just because of physical violence. In this essay I will be discussing how relationships that are bought, involve loss of interaction with family and friends as well as relationships which include verbal abuse all equate to unhealthy relationships. Physical Violence is not the only cause of an unhealthy relationship. An unhealthy relationship can be a relationship where one of the persons in the relationship is consistently buying gifts for the other. The negative implications of this behaviour are the attempt to “buy” the other person, to treat them as a possession rather than as another human being and when the other person wants to break-up, go out with friends etc, the partner may hold these gifts against them causing them to feel guilty. This guilt can cause feelings of worthlessness and lead to issues such as low self esteem and depression. (Kaszina, A. 2005) An example of this type of behaviour is when a guy buys his girlfriend a new phone, when the he rings her while she is out with friends she might choose to hang up instead, he later makes comments such as: “I bou... ... middle of paper ... ... to know (Online) Available at: http://ezinearticles.com/?Mental-Abuse---The-7-Most-Important-Things-To-Know&id=60849 (accessed 28 March 2009) All about Life Challenges, 2005 (Online) Available at: http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/verbal-abuse.htm (accessed 29 March 2009) See it and Stop it! n.d. (Online) Available at http://www.seeitandstopit.org/pages/ (accessed 27 March 2009) St Josephs University Philadelphia 2005 SJU: Health Info-Healthy Relationships (Online) Available at: http://www.sju.edu/healthinfo/pages/healthy_relationships.htm (accessed 28 March 2009) Wrong Diagnosis – Depression Statistics, 2009 (Online) Available at: http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/d/depression/hospital.htm (accessed 29 March 2009) Murray, B. and Fortinberry, A. 2005 (Online) Available at: http://www.upliftprogram.com/depression_stats.html (accessed 28 March 2009)

Domestic Violence Facts and Myths

In this paper I will be telling you many different forms of domestic violence. I will include the physical abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, spiritual abuse, economic abuse, social abuse, and emotional abuse. I will also describe the "cycle of violence", teen dating violence, and why women stay with an abusive partner.

Vangelisti, Anita L., and Daniel Perlman. The Cambridge Handbook of Personal Relationships. Cambridge: Cambridge UP, 2006. Print.

Boundaries in Dating

Cloud, Dr. Henry & Townsend, Dr. John. Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2000. ISNB 978-0-310-20034-5

Lloyd And Emory Summary

They discuss the initial “public outcry against the battering of wives by the very men who had promised to protect, honor, and love them” as a result of efforts by feminists, shelter workers, and victims of domestic abuse in the 1970’s (p. 2). First, the statistical prevalence of courtship aggression is touched upon to illustrate how frequent, wide ranging, and prominent abuse is in relationships ranging from high school to many years of marriage. Physical aggression is defined for us as “the use or threat of physical force or restraint carried out with the intent of causing pain or injury to another” (Sugarman & Hotaling, 1989). Sexual aggression is defined as sexual interaction that is gained against one’s will through use of physical force, threat of force, pressure, use of alcohol/drugs, or use of position of authority (Koss, 1988). Next, the correlates of courtship aggression are classified into three categories: personality/individual, relational, and social/situational. Individual factors of the male physical abuser tend to have low self-esteem, traditional views of male-female roles, stressful lives, previous abuse in their family, and have combative views of sex. Relational factors conclude that the longer the relationship, and deeper the commitment, the higher chance of

The Effects of Domestic Violence

“Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten” (American Bar). Just think about how many women have been beaten or coerced into non-pleasurable acts in just one day, when every nine seconds in the United States, some women is being abused. Now, globally, think about how many more people are being domestically abused and even killed.

Abuse In Relationships Essay

What causes people to be abusive in their relationship? Do people learn to be abusive from what they see? Does our environment play a part? Do physical punishments as a child have something to do with it? How does cognitive learning fit in? Throughout this part, I’m going to explain some potential causes of people being abusive towards their partner.

Unveiling Verbal Abuse: An Unrecognized Domestic Violence

When people think of domestic violence, they often think of an injured or bruised woman who has been brutally assaulted by her partner. However, not all abusive relationships involve violence. Verbal abuse is the main abuse that will be discussed in this research paper. Just because you’re not assaulted does not mean you’re not battered. Many women suffer from verbal abuse, which is no less devastating. Sadly, emotional abuse is often unrecognized, even by the person being abused. Emotional abuse can hurt just as much as physical violence, or even more in my opinion. This problem has become especially evident in in our country today. As an example, lets look at my last relationship, we were together for almost two years, and sometimes it seemed we were on a roller-coaster ride, in our relationship. It appeared she was so insecure about herself that she had a breast implant surgery, besides that she was not happy with her figure. She is now thirty-four years old and there is a fifteen-year age difference between us. The truth is that it seemed that every time she would get upset, she would just yell and threaten to call my parole officer, and she would say to me how “I was a no good gangsta thug, and she wished that I was back in prison or dead, and how she regrets leaving her former boyfriend for me.” When in fact, my anger and jealously would overcome my feelings for her.

A Correlation Between Bullying And Teen Domestic Violence

Teen Domestic Violence is a serious problem in today’s world. Many behaviors taught and learned can lead to teen domestic violence. More attention and research should be done for the topic. It needs to be looked at through a new light to see what may be causing this epidemic. It is clearly an entirely new concept. A couple of the ideas that factor into this are the influence of peers on their friends, the strength of these friendships, and the lack of relationship experience. At least one in three high school students have/will be involved in an abusive relationship (Maas, et al, 2012). It is no longer just males being the perpetrator, females also engage in the violence. My research study aims to find a correlation between bullying and teen dating violence. Also, to uncover the factors that lead to bullying and in turn causes teen dating violence. For example, the breaking of social bonds that is essential for teenagers. They may mistreat their peers, and in turn society labels them as bullies. Other examples may be kids that were bullied and they are trying to get revenge for what they experienced. As they grow older, these bullies get into relationships and the same feelings of disconnect soon arise again. As a result, the bullies turn to the only violence they know. By finding the factors that lead to bullying and teen dating violence, social policy can be created to help this growing societal issue.

The Effects Of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is a major problem in the United States. When most people think of domestic violence, they think of one person beating the other person in a relationship. Webster defines domestic violence as “the inflicting of physical injury by one family or household member on another.” Domestic violence has a major effect on children. Some people say that the violence has no effect, while others argue that the violence has a negative effect on children. Domestic violence scars children for the rest of their lives. Once children witness the act of violence, they are more likely to have problems throughout the rest of their lives. Domestic Violence has a negative effect on the way children behave, the way they learn, the careers they choose,

What Makes A Good Life Rhetorical Analysis

“what have we learned.” To prevent any kind of confusion, Waldinger divides what he has learned from this study into three lessons. He reinforces the big value of relations with some metaphors: “the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic.” He wants to convey how threatening the loneliness is. “loneliness kills.” To stop any doubt that his metaphor is exaggerated, he supports it with evidences, facts and detailed surveys: “more than one in five Americans will report that they're lonely,” “The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80.” These surveys and facts mainly support not only his point but also his aim beyond that talk. The power of relationships: “good relationships keep us happier and healthier.” He also illustrates the previous point by reports from the study: “Our most happily partnered men and women reported, in their 80s, that on the days when they had more physical pain, their mood stayed just as happy. But the people who were in unhappy relationships, on the days when they reported more physical pain, it was magnified by more emotional pain.” Additionally, he illustrates how the relationships can keep us healthier: “High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection, turn out to be very bad for our health, perhaps worse than getting divorced. And living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective.” Waldinger develops that the relationships do not just protect physical health, they protect brains: “the people who are in relationships where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need, those people's memories stay sharper longer. And the people in relationships where they feel they really can't count on the other one, those are the people who experience earlier memory

Intimate Partner Violence Essay

Intimate partner violence (IPV) is a tremendously serious social and public health problem. Progression of intimate partner violence can lead to morbidity or mortality and affect various types of relationships. An intimate partner is one that is described by frequent contact, identifying as a couple, emotional bonding, and regular physical and/or sexual contact. A few examples of intimate partners includes dating partners, spouses, girlfriends or boyfriends, and sexual partners. Violence within these intimate relationships can be psychological, physical, or sexual and present in heterosexual relationships, homosexual relationships, and to disabled partners in relationships.

Argumentative Essay : Abusive Relationships

Abuse has become so common that some people do not realize they are being abused. It is important that this topic is studied because there are many gaps of knowledge to what all an abusive relationship can entail. The goal is to help someone somewhere get out of an abusive relationship before its too late. Whether its emotional or physical abuse, neither is healthy for a person to maintain in. So seeking relationship advice from outside sources, such as popular press articles may be a usual for tool for people who are looking for insight as long as they know to check up on the research involved in the article. This paper will compare and contrast the findings from the article I have chosen to the scholarly research that has been conducted on abusive relationships.

The Feminist Theory In Domestic Violence

The word violence has many different meanings and has many ways of impacting people. It can beat someone down not just physically, but emotionally. Unfortunately, violence and abuse is not uncommon within families and intimate relationships. Webster 's Online Dictionary says that violence is "the use of physical force to harm someone, to damage e property, etc., great destructive force or energy" (Websters,2014) It includes abusive words, actions and criminal acts that seek to degrade, humiliate or harm a woman or child.. Often, the term violence is used to refer to specific, usually physical, acts, while the word abuse is used to refer to a pattern of behavior that a person uses to gain or maintain power and control over another. This essay

Neurotransmitters

Norepinephrine is the neurotransmitter released by sympathetic nerves (e.g., those innervating the heart and blood vessels) and, within the brain, those of the locus coe...

Deconstructing Emotional Abuse: An In-depth Analysis

Emotional abuse is defined by its devastating effects on a person. It is seen in the forms of domestic abuse, bullying, and child abuse. Research shows how someone who has been emotionally abused develops personality disorders, has low self-esteem, and even has suicidal thoughts. Although there has been research that provides a general idea of emotional abuse and its effects, the research should take a deeper look at how the smallest details affect someone. My position differs from those who claim they know the true definition of what emotional abuse is. It doesn’t include parents or abusers who claim to know how to define it. Emotional abuse should be looked at with a magnifying glass since the smallest details are what allow people to see

More about Unhealthy Relationships- The Devastating Effects of Verbal and Emotional Abuse

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Healthy Versus Unhealthy Relationships Presentation

What is relationship abuse.

• Relationship abuse can be defined as actions that consist of physical, emotional or sexual abuse that are forced onto another person that you are in a relationship with.
• This type of abuse comes with a considerable degree of social stigma attached to it resulting in a lot of cases going unreported.
• It impacts both men and women though is commonly associated with women.

Statistics Surrounding Relationship Abuse

• 1.5 million high school students within the U.S. on average are subjected to some form of relationship abuse.
• Nearly a quarter of all high school girls within the U.S. have been victims of relationship abuse.
• 70% of present day college students within the U.S. have been sexually coerced in some way.

Forms of Abuse

• Physical Abuse – intentional use of physical force on a person with the intent of hurting them in some way.
• Emotional Abuse – is a type of non-physical abuse that manifests in actions such as insulting, threatening or intimidating the person you are in a relationship with.
• Sexual Abuse – this act involves forcing an undesired type of sexual act onto the person (ex: sex without a condom, overly aggressive sexual pressure, etc.) (Clark, Reiland, Thorne & Cropsey, 2014).

How does abuse impact a person?

• Loss of confidence – this comes in the form of a person thinking of themselves in a negative fashion.
• Suicidal tendencies – people in abusive relationships have been known to commit suicide to escape abuse.
• Physical pain – this is the result of physical abuse and manifests through the various aches and pains on a person’s body from physical trauma.

What are the long lasting effects of relationship abuse?

• Creates a greater risk for self-abuse in the form of taking illegal substances, overeating and other forms of adverse behavior.
• Can manifest in aberrant psychological behavior wherein someone that is abused may try to abuse their future partner.
• For sexual abuse victims, it increases the potential for them to contract an STD (ex: abuse by refusing to use a condom) (Stevens, 2014).

Why do people stay in violent relationships?

• Fear – this is based on their belief that their partner may do something excessively violent to them if they leave.
• Low self-esteem – a person with this trait may actually believe that the abuse they get is their fault.
• Cultural/Religious Reasons – the traditional gender roles within a region may prevent a person from speaking out against the abuse they receive resulting in them staying in the relationship (Fox, Corr, Gadd, & Butler, 2014).
• Reliance – a person may be financially reliant on their abuser.
• Peer pressure – a person may be reluctant to end the relationship due to how it may be perceived by others.
• The belief that the abuse is a normal facet of a relationship.
• Love – while this last trait is rare, there are people that remain in a relation due to the belief that their partner may change for the better.

Helping Someone in an Unhealthy Relationship

• Noticing the signs of abuse – in order to help someone you have to notice the signs of abuse (i.e. physical marks or unusual behavior). (Salwen, Hymowitz, Vivian & O’Leary, 2014).
• Inform them that they have a safe place to go to.
• Inform the proper authorities to prevent the abuse from escalating.

Myths Involving Relationship Abuse

• Myth: Only women are subjected to relationship abuse. (FALSE).
• One out of every 10 men within the U.S. has been subjected to some form of relationship abuse.
• 13% of victim callers to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline are men.

Why do cases of male abuse go unreported?

• There is a stereotype that only men are the abusers in a relationship.
• There is a social stigma of men portraying themselves as being “the weaker sex” in a relationship.
• Reported cases of relationship abuse by men is often thought of as a “joke” or is not taken seriously (Halpern-Meekin, Manning, Giordano, & Longmore, 2013).

Reference List

Clark, C., Reiland, S., Thorne, C., & Cropsey, K. L. (2014). Relationship of Trauma Exposure and Substance Abuse to Self-Reported Violence Among Men and Women in Substance Abuse Treatment. Journal Of Interpersonal Violence , 29 (8), 1514-1530.

Fox, C., Corr, M., Gadd, D., & Butler, I. (2014). Young teenagers’ experiences of domestic abuse. Journal Of Youth Studies , 17 (4), 510-526.

Halpern-Meekin, S., Manning, W. D., Giordano, P. C., & Longmore, M. A. (2013). Relationship Churning, Physical Violence, and Verbal Abuse in Young Adult Relationships. Journal Of Marriage & Family , 75 (1), 2-12.

McCarthy, R. J., Rabenhorst, M. M., Milner, J. S., Travis, W. J., & Collins, P. S. (2014). What Difference Does a Day Make? Examining Temporal Variations in Partner Maltreatment. Journal Of Family Psychology , 28 (3), 421-428.

Salwen, J. K., Hymowitz, G. F., Vivian, D., & O’Leary, K. (2014). Childhood abuse, adult interpersonal abuse, and depression in individuals with extreme obesity. Child Abuse & Neglect , 38 (3), 425-433.

Stevens, P. (2014). Recent Trends in Explaining Abuse within Intimate Relationships. Journal Of Criminal Law , 78 (2), 184-193.

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Bibliography

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Essay About Relationship Between Parents And Teenagers

The relationships between parents and teenagers have been worsened. It seems like there is a gap between them as they could hardly communicate well and their conversation always end with argument. What is wrong with this relationship? Who is a culprit behind this dilemma? Is this a reflection of our society nowadays? If so, this is a sad thing . How to overcome this problem? Well, here are some suggestions for teenagers to have a better relationship with their parents. 1. We should regard parents as great people as they brought us to this world. They should gain good respect from you. 2. We have to show our parents that we are disciplined and responsible young people. To do this, we must behave responsibly. We need to act in a more mature …show more content…

Return home early, but do not come late at night. Parents get worried when they do not know where their children are, especially if they are out after dark. If you go home late, please inform your parents. 5. Do not do things that your parents disapprove of. If your parents forbid you to do something, they usually have a reason for it. 6. Sometimes, you may feel that your parents are being unreasonable. In such cases, instead of shouting back or refusing to do what they ask, it would best if you talk to them about it. That way, your parents will understand how you feel and they will have a chance to explain their side of things. 7. Treat your parents as good companions. Tell them what you think. Talk to them about your problems. Your parents will be happy to offer their help. 8. If you know that your parents are doing wrong things, do not shout or scold them. Explain to them in a soft tone. I am sure they are willing to accept a point of view. 9. Spend at least 30 minutes to chat with your parents. This way, you may strengthen good relationships with your parents. 10. Do not spoil yourself by being involved in crimes, drugs, alcohol and gambling. This will make your parents refuse to talk to you as parents feel embarrassed when they learn their children are involved in these unhealthy

Analysis Of The Glass Castle By Jeannette

Not everyone is lucky in this world with great parents to care for them. People may not always know how great their parents are and take them for granted. A good parent is someone who will you whenever you need them and will love you no matter the situation. Parents may not always agree with your actions or words but they will love you unconditionally through any bad choice you make. For instance, imagine if you were to become something in life that was a horrible decision like being a thief and all you ever did was for your convenience and never seemed to do one good action.

Parent's Actions In The Glass Castle, By Jon Krakauer

What are your parents doing? What are your doing? Everyone around the world has parents that influence what their kids do. Wether this is good or bad, we will take a look on how much parent’s actions influences their children's. There are many different things that can influence your kid's actions, but your parent’s actions should influence their kid’s actions to do better.

Examples Of Coming Of Age In To Kill A Mockingbird

Coming of Age Coming-of-age is difficult for both teens and parents. The parents often have trouble parenting when the teenager is disrespectful and confused. Teenagers do not realize that their parents have been in the same shoes as them and know what is best for them.. Coming-of-age involves recognizing different perspectives.

Katherine Abigail Kelley Biography

This is because I have what I need I just don't always have what I want. Also my parents think that education is very important, but they don't agree with tests like Istep and NWEA because they think they are unnecessary and dumb, but they want me to have good grades so I can get into a good college. Another thing about my parents is that if an adult asked then what the think of me. They would probable say that am very quite (because I don't go out of my room) and that I am a really good kid but they are the kind of parents that would try to make me look good infront of

The American Dream Lives On Analysis

My parents didn't have the opportunities that we have. Both my parents had to quit school at a young age, they had to find a job and help my grandparents pay for bills. My mom wanted to have an education she wanted her diploma but she wasn't able to achieve that goal. To her and my father is important for us to get an education for us to finish high school and go to college because they want all their kids to have a better life and be able to support our children in the future. From day one when I started kindergarten my parents push me to do my best and I don't plan to let them down.

To Kill A Mockingbird Role Of Parents Essay

Parents play a major role in a child’s life. Parents affect how their child behaves and who they become as they grow older. The ideal parent should be an attentive listener, have a positive attitude and love their child unconditionally. Firstly, I think that parents should always listen to their kids no matter what or else they will feel neglected.

2.3 Explain The Main Differences Between Communicating With Children

3 Explain the main differences between communicating with adults and communicating with children and young people There are differences when communicating with children, as opposed to adults, but we must always remember that we are all individuals. Effective communication involves children being able to understand the language needed to: understand concepts; participate in problem solving and develop ideas and opinions. We need to be able to use language effectively in order to encourage and extend thinking and learning. When communicating with children we need to be clear so they understand what is expected of them, keeping it short and to the point, so they don’t lose interest or concentration.

Rhetorical Analysis Of Overprotective Parents

Becoming a parent is a task that cannot be taken lightly. It is a task filled with frustration, responsibilities and dedication, but is also filled with joy and satisfaction. From children learning how to behave to them going out with friends, rules, standards and expectations are set mostly by their parents. Parents make most of their children’s decision in the first couple of years from behalf from what they eat for breakfast from setting their curfew as they get older. As children began grow, they began to make their own choices and learn to deal with the consequence of their mistakes.

Essay On Failing Class In School

Well, at the age of 13 you are your own person and it is not always your parents who influence you. Maybe you have friends and/or classmates who support

Essay On Teenage Privacy

All teenagers want full privacy, and the right to be treated like full grown adults. Parents face a really hard time to understand their kids, they feel like their kids are drifting away from them but they don't know what to do, teenagers want privacy, but is it right to give them what they want? And if not, when is the right age that a person obtains the rights of an adult? parents should know when do kids start developing the ability of conceptual thought, that they should know to what level hey should give their kids privacy, that they should not limit their kids and do things instead of them, That the relationship between them and their kids might change and that it's totally normal, that they should trust their kids and give them

Grace Paley's Short Story Mother

Essay for Mother “Oh, I Long to See My Mother in the Doorway” (Paley 82). The short story Mother written by the American writer Grace Paley starts with these lyrics. In this story, the author depicts a daughter recollected her mother and missed her very much after her death. After reading this story, I found an interesting fact about the relationship between parents and their children. In my opinion, the children often misunderstand their parents while their parents keep worrying about them.

Effects Of Racism On Society Essay

As a child you are reliant on your parents to help you become who you are. Part of that involves their own distinct opinions that of which children don’t have the maturity to form on their

Speech About Family

They talks back and not obeying their parents. They shout at them not realizing the things their family have done to them and not minding their feeelings. They take their family for granted. For me,I’m not that kind of teenager,I always do the things that my family have taught me. I always obey my family because that’s the way I thank them.

Explain How Adults Can Influence Young People's Behaviour

Your class has listened to a radio discussion about how adults can be a good influence on younger people. You have made the notes below: Ways adults can influence how younger people behave:  giving rules 
  setting an example 
  offering advice 
 Some opinions expressed in the discussion: “Sometimes it’s fun to break the rules!” 
“If you admire somebody, you try to behave like them.”

Teenagers Social Problems

Is Social Problems Among Teenagers An Increasingly Worrying Phenomenon? Nowadays, social problems are one of the major concerns in society and the condition got worsen year by year, mainly contributed by teenagers. Social problems emerged due to influences of the bad cultures from other countries. Teenagers cannot identify and differentiate between good and bad conducts.

More about Essay About Relationship Between Parents And Teenagers

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• Mary Beth Hurt
• Gloria Jones
• Adolescence

Unhealthy Romantic Relationships

Show More What defines an unhealthy romantic relationship? Is it simply arguing constantly or is it taken to a deeper level? Most people when thinking about an unhealthy romantic relationship only think about when a person is going through a physically abusive relationship. This causes people to not recognize the warning signs of the other form, emotional abuse . Emotional abuse is not easily recognized by the people who are experiencing it, but it leaves scars that are not seen by outsiders. The effect that emotional abuse can have on a single person can change how they see the world for their lifetime. In the beginning of any romantic relationship there is something that people call “the honeymoon phase.” In this phase it will seem as if nothing can go wrong in the world. The abuser in the relationship will put one on a high pedestal and treat them like royalty. When that phase ends, the pedestal that was built is slowly worn down overtime. The abuser will belittle, humiliate, and blame the victim to lower his/her self-esteem. One’s friends may notice this …show more content… The process may repeat, but the victim can finally receive the help that he/she needs. The victim gathers up the courage to finally leave the abuser that has been causing them so much pain. The victim may block the abuser from any forms of communication and may even move states. The victim may even seek out therapy to help them with overcome the situation they were in. The terrifying part of being in an emotionally abusive relationship is that there are not any physical scars to show that he/she has survived the battle. The victim has scars that not one person can count, but he/she has to live with those memories haunting him/her. These scars can cause the victim to develop trust issues with those that may try to befriend the victim. The scarring can affect the victim for months or even years, but they victim may find someone that will treat them

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I Love You, Not Your Mess

When people with different tolerances for clutter live together, things can get tense. Experts offer ways to find peace amid the piles.

By Catherine Pearson

Last year, Tracy McCubbin — who has been a professional declutterer for two decades and lives by the motto “don’t put it down, put it away” — married a man she described as “very messy.”

Both acknowledged the “cosmic joke” of their unlikely pairing. Ms. McCubbin put blue painter’s tape on every drawer and cupboard in the kitchen when the pair first moved in together, offering a map to what goes where. But she has also learned to practice what she preaches to her clients, staying cool and calm about messes that don’t affect her day-to-day functioning. Like his night stand, which is buried under books, charging cables and remotes to TVs she is fairly certain they no longer own.

Or the jumble of tools her husband, an avid gardener, tends to leave in the yard. “It’s all over the place,” Ms. McCubbin sighed. “But you know what? We have a beautiful garden. Our fruit trees are fruiting. It’s really been about understanding: This part doesn’t matter.”

Ms. McCubbin, and other experts in organizing as well as psychology, said there were a few practical strategies that could help pack rats and neatniks cohabitate in relative harmony.

Improve your organization systems.

“Oftentimes when one person is more cluttered, the underlying thesis is that they’re wrong, that they’re doing it the wrong way, that they’re bad,” Ms. McCubbin said. But in many cases, household clutter is simply an indication you don’t have solid systems in place.

Some of the solutions she offers to clients are almost too obvious, she said. For instance, she has worked with frustrated parents whose children toss backpacks and coats in what she calls the “landing strip” just inside the front door. Hanging a few hooks that they can easily reach helps.

Ms. McCubbin also recommends adding sufficient shelving for an avid reader’s books. (“The line in the sand is they have to be on a shelf. They can’t be in stacks on the floor.”) At home, she put a dish by the front door, so her husband wasn’t “losing his mind for 10 or 15 minutes every day” looking for his wallet and keys.

“It’s always important to explain that these systems are being put in place to help,” she said, “not because ‘you’re wrong.’”

Focus on functionality.

Ms. McCubbin said it’s most important to consider the practical implications of clutter.

“The goal in getting organized is to make your home work for you,” she said. “It’s not about rainbow bookshelves or making things look perfect, it’s about getting control of clutter so that you can cook in your kitchen and actually use your garage.”

Pour most of your energy into common spaces, Ms. McCubbin advises her clients. For example, she and her husband like to cook, so the kitchen must function well for both of them, she said. But he has an office and a bathroom that she rarely steps foot in so she does not have to see the mess. (Many people don’t have that much space, she acknowledged.)

Focusing on function can be especially helpful for parents who don’t want to battle their children over messy bedrooms. Antonia Colins, who runs the website Balance Through Simplicity, has two adolescent daughters, one of whom struggles with neatness. So Ms. Colins has set basic ground rules, she said. For instance, she insists on clutter-free floors and a desk that is clear enough to study from. (She also expects her daughters to put their dirty laundry next to the washing machine, and return any plates or glasses to the kitchen.) But she looks the other way if the bed isn’t made perfectly or if there is a pile of clean clothes in the corner.

Consider the deeper issues at play.

Sometimes clutter piles up because someone is unwilling to put in the effort to clean and organize. Other times, it is because they have mental or physical roadblocks, explained Michael A. Tompkins, a psychologist and co-author of “Digging Out: Helping Your Loved One Manage Clutter, Hoarding and Compulsive Acquiring.”

Perhaps the most obvious example is hoarding disorder , but there are other links between mental health and messiness . For instance, those with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (A.D.H.D.) or other executive functioning issues often struggle with excess clutter. In those instances, patience and understanding can go a long way, he said.

Physical limitations can also be a factor. “I’m 73, so I can speak to this personally,” Dr. Tompkins said. “My ability to maintain my living environment has degraded as my physical capacity has degraded, not because I’m not still interested in keeping my living environment tidy and organized.”

He said that it is important to note any sudden or drastic changes in a person’s household cleanliness (or if they seem to be accumulating an unhealthy amount of stuff) and flag them to a primary care physician, as they can indicate an underlying health issue.

If a person is simply unwilling to compromise on clutter, that may also be cause for concern. There could be more foundational relationship problems at play.

“It’s never just about the socks,” said Kiaundra Jackson, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles. “It’s really about poor communication skills, or other needs, or gender roles — or something way deeper.”

If one person in the household is especially rigid about clutter, that may be more about control than cleanliness, she said, and is something he or she may need to work on in individual therapy. Couples therapy or simply working with an organizer can also help you come to a better understanding if you have reached a stalemate, Ms. Jackson said.

Be strategic in how you talk about it.

Though outside support can help, learning new communication tactics can sometimes be enough to defuse conflict, Ms. Jackson said. Don’t broach the topic of clutter when anyone involved is hungry or tired, she said. And beware of nagging, which she characterized as repeating the same thing over and over in the same way.

“Try a different avenue, try a different tone, try a different time of day,” Ms. Jackson urged, like perhaps writing an email rather than squabbling about messes at the end of a long workweek.

Be deliberate about voicing your expectations, Ms. Jackson said, and revisit them often, because regular check-ins can prevent resentment from building. She declined to offer a specific time frame for those conversations, as it varies from household to household, but she encouraged anyone moving into a new season in life (after a new baby or a job change, for instance) to talk about household expectations.

“Even if there’s just been a shift in preferences,” she said, “that needs to be vocalized.”

Catherine Pearson is a Times reporter who writes about families and relationships. More about Catherine Pearson

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My Relationship With Food Is A Mess, And That’s Fine

Reading Ruby Tandoh’s new book Eat Up , I’ve been reminded that eating is a minefield for all of us at times — and our messiness is what makes us human.

BuzzFeed Contributor

In college, I liked to throw dinner parties. They were more like rambunctious potlucks, lubricated with jug wine and cheap beer, but I took pride in feeding my friends vegetable paella, shrimp and garlic fried in olive oil whose juices we sopped up with fluffy bread, tortilla de patatas dolloped with homemade mayonnaise and smoky pimenton — foods I remembered and craved from a childhood eating out in Down Neck Newark, where my grandparents had grown up. Sometimes I would also bake, maybe clafouti or a chocolate cake I’d adopted while studying in Paris. My parties were fun. I liked playing host to a bunch of people I loved. What I could not admit was that these feasts carved an all too rare space for me to eat with abandon.

I could forget about the minefield that was eating: my worries that I would consume more calories than I needed and gain weight, that dairy was congesting, that refined sugar was unhealthy, that meat was environmentally unethical, that all this bounty would trigger a binge, that I would have to eat less tomorrow to make up for all I ate today — all the anxieties that I’d learned could contain my appetites, whose unruliness I distrusted.

Leading up to the party, I could shop carefully for ingredients and set my hands to cooking, channeling my usual meal planning in a way that felt generous instead of restrictive. Most of all, I could anticipate eating food that would, in less heady circumstances, seem bad for me, and enjoy them as part of the celebration. It was a party! Looking forward this much to eating was normal. I was normal. I was free.

I still have Facebook photos from those nights, dimly lit, pre-iPhone, orange-gold. We are flirty and flushed, healthy and hamming. I am startled by how happy I look among the empties and mess of plates, knowing that I was also tamping down an urgent, anxious unhappiness. I do not doubt that I am engaged in the conversation, delighted to be there, pinching myself about how lucky I am to call these people my people. It is possible to exist in multiple experiences simultaneously. I am a smart and confident college student. I am grasping, lost. I am hungry. I am much too full.

We are constantly being told, in one form or another, that we should not be eating things. Every day there is some article published about the deleterious effects of one food group, and another article rebutting it . Or an article touts a diet , more and more often disguised in the trappings of a “ lifestyle .” Some foods are deemed “ super ,” others junk. Then there are times of day after which you should never eat. Cleanses and detoxes promise all kinds of benefits, while gluten free is offered as a cure-all, even to people who suffer from no illness or allergy (I am deathly allergic to peanuts, so I understand that for some people, this is a matter of choosing life). And then there are people who insist that all this health hoopla is ridiculous, that you should enjoy yourself, live a little, stop worrying — but you have no self-respect if you eat a Big Mac.

{ "id": 120538044 } Our eating habits follow the same ideology as our culture in general, which is to say, self-improvement and optimization at all times.

Our eating habits follow the same ideology as our culture in general, which is to say, self-improvement and optimization at all times, no excuses. No matter what your flavor — wellness or hedonism or well-hedonism — there is a best way to eat, and you’d better be striving. And this self-improvement moment extends well beyond food, as Alexandra Schwartz wrote recently in the New Yorker. It is a given that we should want to upgrade, whether that means buying the latest mobile device, doing the better workout, researching the best way to cook a steak, serial-masking our way to dewy skin, or eating only the best burger .

I do not want to reduce anyone’s struggles with eating — or my own — to a direct cause-and-effect reaction. There are so many reasons why we turn to certain refuges in times of stress, so many factors that may exacerbate our response. But in the context of this endless quest for perfection, there is still an indisputable stigma around eating disorders, which are perceived in popular culture as shallow, self-inflicted, disgusting, fake. We judge, ask why anyone would do that to themselves.

Even in this era of body positivity and recovery advocacy (Feb. 26 marks the start of this year’s National Eating Disorders Awareness Week), it is hard to shake the picture we have of a person with an eating disorder — something rarely discussed in the same breath with strong women and great food. I would like to believe I am a strong woman, and I love great food. So this disjoint has presented a challenge to my identity.

I love wandering through grocery stores and farmers markets. I love making dinner for friends. I love going out to eat and feeling an almost spiritual resonance with another human over a dish because it has the right amount of garlic, according to us. Absurdly, I will sometimes wistfully exit a restaurant, believing with absolute certainty that, given time, the chef and I would be best friends, all on account of some charred sardines or wobbly panna cotta. The irony is that before I acquired an eating disorder (I’m in the habit of phrasing it thus, as if it were a company merger), I liked food but did not love it. My eating disorder made me a Food Person.

It started as an obsession when I was restricting, and then took on a different shade when I was binging. Either way, food was always on my mind; sometimes I even dreamed about it. I went to college in the late aughts — a fertile era for food blogs, which, predictably, I found and devoured. This was before people blogged professionally; Smitten Kitchen, Orangette, the Wednesday Chef, and a host of lesser knowns existed for no reason other than personal satisfaction. At first I read like a peeping Tom. I wanted to gape at cakes and lasagna, bento boxes and canelles. But! Here were women (they usually were women) who had strong opinions about chocolate chip cookies. And ate them eagerly! Without freaking out! And they could write! One day, I realized I’d stopped visiting those blogs to gape and was there for the stories and recipes, which I brought into my own kitchen.

I began to care about food writing. I discovered John Thorne, Calvin Trillin, M.F.K. Fisher, Elizabeth David, Marcella Hazan, Nigel Slater — writers with opinions as sharp as their appetites. I felt understood. These writers were role models I didn’t know I’d needed, people who, like me, dreamed of roasts and oysters, puddings and pies, but without the looming cloud of “disorder” to threaten rain on their experiences. They were enthusiastic about cooking for company, yes, but they also wrote of the pleasures of eating alone. That was the point of it, to take personal pleasure. Otherwise, what was the goal of all the chopping, trussing, browning, basting? I started to feed myself with the same care as when I fed my friends. I was eating for myself again.

At the end of the aughts, the internet was full of tempting information about restrictive eating. Raw veganism and juicing, for example, were gaining traction in fashionable circles, with their promise of environmental responsibility and glowing health, as if the path to an effortless existence might also save the world. I was attracted to structures — rules and habits that, like my dinner parties, might tame the wayward, unpredictable eater I feared I was. But when John Thorne could spend a whole chapter on his quest for the perfect crisssinnkch of excellent toast, and I really cared, the lure of such rules became less attractive. Count me in for flavor, sensuality, and a good story. I was becoming a hedonist.

{ "id": 120538062 } Struggling with eating shook my confidence in my ability to know how to be . 

So my eating disorders could exist hand in hand with a love of food, no problem. But being a strong woman with an eating disorder? That part was — and is — more tricky. Most of the time I believed I was her. But sometimes it felt like a double life.

Struggling with eating shook my confidence in my ability to know how to be . I actually did not know, at times, whether I was hungry or full, let alone whether I was indulging a healthy craving or eating in a disordered way. Forget the question of being a strong woman. I distrusted my ability to feed myself “properly,” the basic required activity for all animals.

As is often the case when trying to find one’s way, I became fascinated by other people muddling through stories like mine. Like a truffle hunter, I nosed around for a whiff of self-recognition. When I found people, especially accomplished people, who had openly struggled with disordered eating, and when I also discovered they were resilient and capable and talented and not at all tragic, it was like I’d uncovered a jewel. If they professed to love food, even better. This is how I started following Ruby Tandoh, and how I recently came to read her new book, Eat Up!

Ruby, if I may presume to call her that, had been on my radar because, like so many people, I was a fan of The Great British Bake Off (or Baking Show, to US audiences). Ruby, then a 20-year-old philosophy student, was a finalist in the show’s fourth season. The show satisfied my enduring voyeuristic desire to watch other people around food, especially decadent food. By the time the first season of the Great British Baking Show aired on PBS, in December 2014, I was thankfully mostly over my fear of “empty calories,” but this defanging of treats — through indulgence in the curious English traditions of trifles and tiffins — was welcome therapeutic maintenance.

As for so many viewers, the show won my heart because of its contestants, all earnest and oddly (to American viewers, used to our toxic reality TV) sweet. Ruby, especially, won me over. She was so easy to read on her journey from timid stressball to finalist. Her “bakes” were beautiful, and her facial expressions — legible and GIFable — were endearing. Under the fray of palpable nerves waited potent steeliness.

By 2016, Ruby’s fortitude was no longer subsurface. She was writing a regular food column for the Guardian and had come out as queer. She was vocal about her experiences with disordered eating and began to write about issues of food and mental health. One day on Twitter, I stumbled on a piece she’d written for Vice . It contains a line I still remember: “The rumble of your belly is not a saboteur.” Reading it, I felt a slap of recognition — not just in that point, so direct and true — but in the tone of the piece, its seething frustration.

I knew the feeling. It was the feeling of having run uphill for a long time, only to realize that there is no race. Everyone has been telling you there is one, most of all yourself. Now you are done. That was the feeling, like a scream — the scream of a woman who has had enough.

With the help of therapy and yoga and cooking, taking one step forward and three steps back, I evolved: from sophomore-year restrictor to guilt-ridden binger and then, by my mid-to-late twenties, to willing hedonist. I had moved from Providence to New York City , gone to graduate school, entered the workforce, and would soon enter my thirties. I still threw dinner parties, and I was getting to know the New York food and wine landscape, in all its varied glory. I no longer set strict rules about the type of food I would eat or the number of calories. In fact, I would have told you I was fine, that I no longer had rules at all. But oh, I did.

My new rules were tied now to my “love” of food and centered around quality, both in terms of ingredients and experience, which would have to be mindful. I wanted all my eating henceforth to be “good.” Grass-fed butter, shattering croissants, the toothsome fight of a real bagel. Otherwise, not worth the calories. I went out to dinner with friends and ate with gusto, but I held tight to my residual expectations that outside that decadent meal, the day’s plates would be all vegetables and nutritional powerhouses. Otherwise, catastrophe. Meanwhile, a soggy airport sandwich hastily eaten would throw me into a funk that would last a day.

{ "id": 120538070 } I would have told you I was fine, that I no longer had rules at all. But oh, I did. 

Around this time, my (now) husband and I moved into an apartment that had a microwave, something I had never found a use for before. He is a cyclist, which means that I often have the house to myself — ideal for a writer, but not necessarily for someone with an unhealthy relationship to food. I cooked and baked often, and still do. Admirable things like buckwheat shortbread, for example, or sesame cakes, lemon tarts, braised fennel, roasted chicken, tall and proud. What I have not shared until this writing is a dish I’ll call “cracker nachos.”

To make cracker nachos, you line a microwavable tupperware with crackers. Triscuits are great, as are saltines, but any cracker works. You then lay thick slices of cheese on top of them before zapping the whole thing for 30 or 40 seconds. The grease releases from the cheese into the crackers, making the warm crackers sort of soggy, and the cheese is melted and boiling hot. You can pick them up individually or smash them together to create mini grilled cheese cracker sandwiches. Either way you eat them quickly, consider if you want more (the answer is yes), and repeat.

In this way, it was possible to conduct an almost scientific study of the varying melting qualities of extra sharp cheddar, sharp cheddar, mild cheddar, Jarlsberg, havarti with dill, manchego, smoked Gouda, and aged Gouda. Sometimes my partner would come home after a day out riding and ask, stupefied, “Where’s all the cheese?”

It would be funny. But those binges, which had begun as innocent snacks an hour or so after lunch, left me devastated. I felt like a fraud.

I used to think recovery meant finding an easy and eager relationship with food. In this image, I would not only be in control of my cravings and know exactly when I was full, but I would also always eat mindfully and blissfully. I would respect myself enough to eat food enshrined in loving intentions, like some kind of Brooklyn Jeong Kwan . A strong woman!

I have learned that recovery is nothing like that. It was a difficult delusion to shake.

“I want you to feel fine about the messiness of your illogical, impulsive appetite, and sometimes overeat, sometimes undereat, and still hold tight in your self-care.”

I have been thinking about and recovering from eating disorders for years. So I am a bit embarrassed to admit that when I read this sentence in Ruby Tandoh’s introduction to Eat Up! I felt a little disoriented. Still hold tight in your self-care. It’s not that the idea of forgiveness and acceptance of “imperfect” eating was new to me. I have ranted along similar lines to my husband and friends about the pressures that we — overwhelmingly women, but people in general — put on ourselves and absorb through the media to eat perfectly, to be effortless.

What made me dizzy is that Ruby’s message, which is so obvious, made me own something about my self-professed love of food that I’d been realizing gradually for several months. My love of food had an unhealthy cant to it that was not as evolved from my blatantly disordered eating in college as I wanted to think. It was still perfectionism. To co-opt Janet Jackson , my all-or-nothing mind had taken the pleasure principle and turned it back into control.

{ "id": 120538076 } My identity, my eating, my appetite — all of it is a ridiculous, beautiful mess.

What I needed to embrace, as Ruby Tandoh writes, was the mess. My identity, my eating, my appetite — all of it is a ridiculous, beautiful mess. It is common for people with eating disorders to go through many epiphanies on the proverbial road to recovery. I know this by now, but it’s still startling to be unmasked.

While acknowledging that the impulse to improve is not always bad, Ruby offers a radical reminder: “There is nothing to cure.” In its resistance to improvement for improvement’s sake, Ruby’s book betrays an old-fashioned heart — a bit surprising coming from a millennial who once competed on a reality TV show. (I am a nostalgic and somewhat curmudgeonly person, so this suits me.)

“We all have moments when we let our appetites carry us places that we perhaps shouldn’t go, and that’s normal and fine,” she writes, like a wise grandmother. “Eating well means eating with compassion for yourself — for the bad and the good inside you, and for all the lumps, bumps, beauty and ugliness on the outside.”

Eat Up! is a series of loosely related essays, quips, and theses about our relationships with food, ranging from a critique of the fat-fearing wellness industry to prison food reform to the emotional origins and facets of our hungers, scattered with recipes and recipe-like passages. (See the “recipe” for a “Life-changing energizing drink to LIFT your spirits and KICKSTART your day!” in which she skewers the juicing trend while reminding us that sometimes a cold soda is exactly right.)

It is clear that the book is the product of Ruby’s frustration, a collection of retorts and rebuttals and alternate narratives that she has been gathering over the years and is now ready to put out in the world. And if the resulting book is a bit unruly, that seems appropriate. So are our appetites, and ourselves.

Ruby Tandoh is not the first writer to divulge her struggles with food, nor the first to call for a shift in perspective. I owe a lot to Frank Bruni, the former restaurant critic at the New York Times, for the excerpt from his memoir that that paper published in 2009, titled “ I Was a Baby Bulimic. ” I think my eyes crossed a little when I came across it. The New York Times restaurant critic had struggled with eating disorders? It was insane, sad, and wonderful all at the same time. (One of my truffle jewels!) Then last summer, I read Roxane Gay’s incredible memoir Hunger . It took me days to come out from under its spell, which was not a very comfortable or pleasant place, but nonetheless had a kind of magic.

It’s so much about when we read things, though. For me, the relief and rebalancing came in fits and starts, and an essential piece of that was relearning on a visceral level that not every morsel I ate every day would be wonderful — in fact, that such a day is extremely rare, no matter who you are. Ruby reminds me that eating is a minefield for all of us at times, and that’s okay. A few years ago, I wouldn’t have wanted to hear that. I would have wanted to hear that the unease goes away. But we are messes, all of us. It’s what makes us human, and I honestly don’t want it to change.

{ "id": 120538077 } How we ride those moments of unease is part of who we are.

When I learn that someone else has struggled with disordered eating, body image, or simply the mental strain of being a fallible, fleshy human, I do not assume that this person loves neither food nor herself. She probably loves both very much. It is possible to be a strong woman who loves to eat and yet, as Ruby writes, for “moments of unease [to] take root, furrowing deep into the very essence” of one’s relationship with food. How we ride those moments of unease is part of who we are.

M.F.K. Fisher starts her essay “Borderland” with the line, “Almost every person has something secret he likes to eat,” and then proceeds to describe how she leaves orange segments to plump and dry on the radiator before cooling them in a winter window and popping them in her mouth. The landscape of food writing is supersaturated these days, and yet I still believe that at its best it can offer meaningful insights into what it means to be human, on par with what we get from the best novels. Food writing connects us to our human selves, infinitely odd and inexplicable as we are.

I like to devour an entire pomelo in one sitting, excavating the bitter pink sections from their rhinoceros hide. I like to slit the membrane around a fried egg yolk with the sharp edge of a piece of toast, fill the yolk with Worcestershire, and dunk the bread in (I inherited this one from my father). I like to gnaw the cartilage off chicken bones and suck at the marrow. I also like to eat cracker nachos.

I recently made myself some. Given our history together, the snack filled me with an uneasy, queasy feeling, as if I had made a mistake. But there was also a louder part of me that genuinely wanted them. Anyway, I ate them, and I survived, and a few hours later my husband and I sat down to dinner. ●

Katie Okamoto is a writer living in New York City.