maturity essay conclusion

What Is Maturity?

Authentically creating a refuge in an age of anxiety..

Posted June 13, 2019 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

We’ve long worried deeply about the same basic stuff: health, love, family, work, and money. But like most therapists, I’m seeing more and more anxiety in the people coming in for help.

There’s a sharper edge to what lies beneath common life concerns, as the very foundation of our shared social experiment increasingly feels shaky. We have less and less faith in the basic adult capacity of the people and institutions making the world’s most important decisions. A patient of mine recently summed it up as well as anyone when she said, frantically, “Who the f— is running this place?”

A couple of years ago, when my daughter was maybe 5, she called out to me from her bedroom about 15 minutes after I’d put her down. I sighed deeply when I heard her call me; I was tired and just entering the sweet hour of adult time with my wife that marks the end of the day. I entered her room and did my best to muster patience as I asked her what she needed. She said sweetly, “Dad, I just need an adult in the room for a little bit.” My heart softened and I said sure, and I stayed a little while by her bed.

I’ve thought of that moment often. It’s come to me many times in my conversations with people. She named something that we all experience, some of us only from time to time, some of us more pervasively: that feeling that we need to know, to feel, the presence of someone powerful that we can trust, someone with self-possession who communicates “It’s OK, I’ve got this.” A true adult; a person possessed of maturity.

What do we mean by that? What is that quality of maturity that marks the adult we need in the room?

We certainly know it when we see its absence. This is precisely the experience that is driving much of the underlying anxiety I’m seeing in my practice. So many of us are looking around at the enormous complexity of the problems we face as a society and not seeing an adult anywhere near the rooms in which the most important decisions are made. We see increasingly enormous rewards given to those of us who most entertainingly act out our emotional life; and if the emotions acted out are base and primitive, all the better. For some, this is what passes as authenticity .

And yet this “authenticity” is so untethered to wisdom that it could not possibly be authentic. To be a genuine person means to be connected to the essential truths that bind us; it means being connected to the basic facts of living that promote true well-being for oneself and for others. To see a person acting out their baseness or destructive ambition is to witness someone with no clue about what will lead to their own well-being. To call this person authentic is to hold up as exemplary the thin wispy plant struggling to reach the light. To be truly genuine means being relatively emotionally healthy.

Maturity is the behavioral expression of emotional health and wisdom. It is the capacity to know one’s own emotional experience, to be oriented by this experience to some aspect of the truth, to place this truth within the context of other truths, and finally to act in accordance with one’s values.

We urgently need this from each other. Many people in my practice have a difficult time trusting the world because they were raised by immature people. Their parents need not have been malicious or negligent; perhaps they were simply unable to stay present in a consistent way when they were buffeted by their own emotional life. Perhaps they could be punishing and withdrawn when hurt, or they could bring too much of their own neediness to their child when they were insecure. Therapy work with such people largely involves being the adult in the room for them, being present and self-possessed over time, so that they might cultivate within themselves the maturity to hold themselves with a consistency they hadn’t fully been given.

We need maturity within ourselves for our own sake. All too often we act out what we are feeling in ways that take us further from our own well-being. Maturity—the alignment of our truth, our wisdom, and our values—is something we can cultivate.

This is the chief pursuit of the therapy groups I run. In my groups, there are six or seven people who meet weekly for 90 minutes and have ongoing relationships with each other. All kinds of things happen in this space; the relationships run the gamut of what happens between people. It’s an object lesson in cause and effect. What do I want here, for myself and for others? How does my behavior bring me closer or further from well-being? What has to be navigated in order for me to bring it about? How do I most genuinely and effectively show up? Over time, maturity is cultivated, since maturity is required if we are to progress in experiencing and promoting wellness.

Of course, we can’t all be in therapy groups. But we can all pay close attention to cause and effect as it exists in our own lives. What is important to me? Is my behavior in alignment with these values? What is required of me to move towards healthier relationships? What is called for if I’m to move more directly in the direction of my own true well-being?

Eric S. Jannazzo, Ph.D. is a writer and clinical psychologist in private practice in Seattle, Washington.

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25 Maturity Examples

Maturity is a trait where a person has the experience and wisdom to behave in a resolved, resolute, and secure way.

Maturity is about wisdom . It usually comes after a lot of introspection , philosophical thinking, failure, and learned humility.

Society has developmental markers for maturity (e.g. age 18 to vote). Nevertheless, it’s a more fluid cultural concept than that. Maturity is not only about age. Many adults are immature—we might say that some adults behave childishly or immaturely.

Below are some examples of maturity, starting with the five indicators of maturity proposed by Todres (2011).

Todres’ Five Indicators of Maturity

• Political participation– If a person is able to cogently participate in political debate then they are considered mature (and therefore should be allowed to vote).
• Independent economic power – A mature person should be able to work to earn a living, so long as they’re not prohibited by factors outside of their control such as a disability.
• Responsibility and accountability – A mature person should be responsible. As a result, they should also be able to be held responsible for their actions in court.
• Bodily integrity – A mature person should be able to care for their own body, and also have the right to control their own body.
• Family rights – A mature person should be able to care for their family, and therefore have the right to start a family if they so desire.

Maturity Examples in Everyday Life

• Controlling your urges
• Having clear priorities in life
• Accepting your faults and failings
• Being trustworthy with valuable things
• Using risk assessment effectively
• Being able to think ethically
• Diffusing rather than escalating conflicts
• Respect for others
• Tolerance of difference
• Taking the high road
• Knowing when to back down for your own good
• Accepting loss gracefully
• Being a graceful winner
• Being pragmatic to gradually move toward your goals
• Accepting some things are out of your control
• Understanding you can’t know everything
• Being able to acknowledge when you’re wrong
• Developing humility
• Being self-reliant
• Developing your own morals rather than following your parents blindly
• Using past experiences to inform present action
• Overcoming egotism of childhood
• Listening to others who you disagree with respectfully
• Exercising patience with others
• Delayed gratification

Detailed Examples

1. being disciplined to control urges.

A mature individual has self-control , and this virtue applies to many circumstances. The ability to control one’s urges means that the person is behaving rationally and with good reason—not based on emotions.

For example, a mature person can control their temper and not engage in meaningless arguments.

Another example is being able to resist buying something on a whim. Children and teenagers typically do not have this self-control—they often take what they want without thinking of the consequences because they lack maturity.

2. Knowing Your Priorities in Life

Mature people know what matters most, and they have the sense to line up things in the proper order of importance. They are good at prioritization because they know what matters.

In addition, mature people understand that resources are finite so they need to forego some things to have the more important things in life.

Since resources are finite, mature individuals know that they must not spend on unimportant things when there are bills that need to get paid. They also know how to use their time wisely. Children, for example, will typically play first before doing their homework—mature individuals do it the other way around. 

3. Being Aware of One’s Strengths and Weaknesses

Self-awareness is an important indicator of maturity. A person who knows his or her strengths and weaknesses can gauge situations and make smart decisions.

Children usually make decisions out of fear—but then they jump and run and get hurt because they do not know what their limitations are.

Mature individuals understand the things they can do well and what they are not good at. As such, they can take appropriate action to learn more before taking on a new job or taking a business risk. 

4. Understanding the Value of Risk Assessment

Children have poor risk assessment skills. For example, they will cross the road and even bother about incoming vehicles. Mature individuals must have already learned from their experiences and use these experiences to assess risks.

As a mature person, you must consider the possible consequences of your actions. The potential negative consequences are the “risks” from certain tasks.

This doesn’t mean not taking risks. Rather, it means taking measured risks and having a good sense of when a risk is worthwhile and when it is not.

It is why mature people walk away from a fight or attempt to de-escalate arguments—they know it is not worth it based on a mature risk assessment.

5. Ability to Bounce Back or Be Resilient

Resiliency is the ability to return to a normal state of mind after a devastating blow. Life is not always favorable, and mature people know this.

Staying down after a disappointment can be an indication that a person is not mature enough to recover from difficulties. Of course, this does not include mental illnesses like depression which need to be considered separately.

Mature individuals can suffer from a setback, like losing in a game or not getting a promotion, and bounce back from this failure to move on and become a stronger person. 

6. The Capacity to Respect Others

Ignorance is a sign of immaturity. Being able to respect anyone despite their ethnicity, gender, religion, or political views is a sign that you have had enough experience to understand the diversity and intrinsic value of all human beings.

Maturity happens because of exposure to a wide range of people in life. It comes from knowing that you cannot control what people believe in, that people are different, and that we should be tolerant of one another if we want peace.

Immature people insist that they are always right. It is always about them—they have a feeling of delusional superiority.

7. Being Able to Take the High Road

Taking the high road means doing the right thing even when there is a temptation not to. Taking the high road is a sign of maturity because you’re standing by your moral code when others may not.

For example, a mature individual knows how to apologize if she makes a mistake.She stays true to her moral code.

Immature people will not do this—how could they when their pride sets aside their morality?

Taking the high road also means not engaging in useless and meaningless arguments. Sometimes, it is better to let things go rather than dig in and cause trouble.

8. The Competence to be Pragmatic

Pragmatism is a thought process where you want to get things done even if the outcome isn’t your ideal. Pragmatists take action. 

A mature individual knows that not everything in life is handed on a silver spoon. Things get tough and unfavorable. Being a pragmatic individual means you try to find ways to make turn things around to make things a little better – step by step.

In youth, we’re often idealists . We want the world to be a certain way and we’re uncompromising in our pursuit of our ideals. But as we gain experience, we realize why the world isn’t the way we want it to be. Instead, we learn that progress toward our ideals is slow and arduous. That’s where pragmatic action comes in.

See Also: Competence Examples

9. The Power to be Self-Reliant

Self-reliance is a sure sign of maturity—even animals are able to fend for themselves eventually. Of course, this example does not include people who have special needs.

Self-reliance means you can manage your own affairs. You no longer need support and guidance for basic needs. A mature person knows how to care for themself, find a job, and solve problems

. It is the self-reliant people who also often solves the problems of other people (and it is why they often get paid a high salary).

10. Acceptance of Things Beyond your Control

Mature individuals resign to the fact that not everything in life is within their control. So, instead of lamenting this, a mature individual has the strength to know what they can change and the wisdom to know what they can’t.

For example, in your early life, you might strive pointlessly to figure out how to live forever. But as you gain knowledge and experience, you realize that this is something outside of your control. Instead, you can make the most of your years by eating healthily, keeping a regular sleep routine, and exercising.

Here, you’ve graduated from an idealistic sense of being able to fix the world into a more mature sense of what you can realistically do for yourself and your community.

Maturity comes with experience. To become mature, one has to be rational—one has to be a thinker. Being emotional about things will not bring about maturity.

Of course, being impatient about achieving maturity is immaturity by itself. You must allow time to take you there—and ensure that you always approach things with a reasonable mind.

Todres, J. (2011). Maturity.  Hous. L. REv. ,  48 , 1107. See: https://heinonline.org/hol-cgi-bin/get_pdf.cgi?handle=hein.journals/hulr48&section=41

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• How to conclude an essay | Interactive example

How to Conclude an Essay | Interactive Example

Published on January 24, 2019 by Shona McCombes . Revised on July 23, 2023.

The conclusion is the final paragraph of your essay . A strong conclusion aims to:

• Tie together the essay’s main points
• Show why your argument matters
• Leave the reader with a strong impression

Your conclusion should give a sense of closure and completion to your argument, but also show what new questions or possibilities it has opened up.

This conclusion is taken from our annotated essay example , which discusses the history of the Braille system. Hover over each part to see why it’s effective.

Braille paved the way for dramatic cultural changes in the way blind people were treated and the opportunities available to them. Louis Braille’s innovation was to reimagine existing reading systems from a blind perspective, and the success of this invention required sighted teachers to adapt to their students’ reality instead of the other way around. In this sense, Braille helped drive broader social changes in the status of blindness. New accessibility tools provide practical advantages to those who need them, but they can also change the perspectives and attitudes of those who do not.

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Table of contents

Step 1: return to your thesis, step 2: review your main points, step 3: show why it matters, what shouldn’t go in the conclusion, more examples of essay conclusions, other interesting articles, frequently asked questions about writing an essay conclusion.

To begin your conclusion, signal that the essay is coming to an end by returning to your overall argument.

Don’t just repeat your thesis statement —instead, try to rephrase your argument in a way that shows how it has been developed since the introduction.

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Next, remind the reader of the main points that you used to support your argument.

Avoid simply summarizing each paragraph or repeating each point in order; try to bring your points together in a way that makes the connections between them clear. The conclusion is your final chance to show how all the paragraphs of your essay add up to a coherent whole.

To wrap up your conclusion, zoom out to a broader view of the topic and consider the implications of your argument. For example:

• Does it contribute a new understanding of your topic?
• Does it raise new questions for future study?
• Does it lead to practical suggestions or predictions?
• Can it be applied to different contexts?
• Can it be connected to a broader debate or theme?

Whatever your essay is about, the conclusion should aim to emphasize the significance of your argument, whether that’s within your academic subject or in the wider world.

Try to end with a strong, decisive sentence, leaving the reader with a lingering sense of interest in your topic.

The easiest way to improve your conclusion is to eliminate these common mistakes.

Don’t include new evidence

Any evidence or analysis that is essential to supporting your thesis statement should appear in the main body of the essay.

The conclusion might include minor pieces of new information—for example, a sentence or two discussing broader implications, or a quotation that nicely summarizes your central point. But it shouldn’t introduce any major new sources or ideas that need further explanation to understand.

Don’t use “concluding phrases”

Avoid using obvious stock phrases to tell the reader what you’re doing:

• “In conclusion…”
• “To sum up…”

These phrases aren’t forbidden, but they can make your writing sound weak. By returning to your main argument, it will quickly become clear that you are concluding the essay—you shouldn’t have to spell it out.

Don’t undermine your argument

Avoid using apologetic phrases that sound uncertain or confused:

• “This is just one approach among many.”
• “There are good arguments on both sides of this issue.”
• “There is no clear answer to this problem.”

Even if your essay has explored different points of view, your own position should be clear. There may be many possible approaches to the topic, but you want to leave the reader convinced that yours is the best one!

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This conclusion is taken from an argumentative essay about the internet’s impact on education. It acknowledges the opposing arguments while taking a clear, decisive position.

The internet has had a major positive impact on the world of education; occasional pitfalls aside, its value is evident in numerous applications. The future of teaching lies in the possibilities the internet opens up for communication, research, and interactivity. As the popularity of distance learning shows, students value the flexibility and accessibility offered by digital education, and educators should fully embrace these advantages. The internet’s dangers, real and imaginary, have been documented exhaustively by skeptics, but the internet is here to stay; it is time to focus seriously on its potential for good.

This conclusion is taken from a short expository essay that explains the invention of the printing press and its effects on European society. It focuses on giving a clear, concise overview of what was covered in the essay.

The invention of the printing press was important not only in terms of its immediate cultural and economic effects, but also in terms of its major impact on politics and religion across Europe. In the century following the invention of the printing press, the relatively stationary intellectual atmosphere of the Middle Ages gave way to the social upheavals of the Reformation and the Renaissance. A single technological innovation had contributed to the total reshaping of the continent.

This conclusion is taken from a literary analysis essay about Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein . It summarizes what the essay’s analysis achieved and emphasizes its originality.

By tracing the depiction of Frankenstein through the novel’s three volumes, I have demonstrated how the narrative structure shifts our perception of the character. While the Frankenstein of the first volume is depicted as having innocent intentions, the second and third volumes—first in the creature’s accusatory voice, and then in his own voice—increasingly undermine him, causing him to appear alternately ridiculous and vindictive. Far from the one-dimensional villain he is often taken to be, the character of Frankenstein is compelling because of the dynamic narrative frame in which he is placed. In this frame, Frankenstein’s narrative self-presentation responds to the images of him we see from others’ perspectives. This conclusion sheds new light on the novel, foregrounding Shelley’s unique layering of narrative perspectives and its importance for the depiction of character.

If you want to know more about AI tools , college essays , or fallacies make sure to check out some of our other articles with explanations and examples or go directly to our tools!

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Your essay’s conclusion should contain:

• A rephrased version of your overall thesis
• A brief review of the key points you made in the main body
• An indication of why your argument matters

The conclusion may also reflect on the broader implications of your argument, showing how your ideas could applied to other contexts or debates.

For a stronger conclusion paragraph, avoid including:

• Important evidence or analysis that wasn’t mentioned in the main body
• Generic concluding phrases (e.g. “In conclusion…”)
• Weak statements that undermine your argument (e.g. “There are good points on both sides of this issue.”)

Your conclusion should leave the reader with a strong, decisive impression of your work.

The conclusion paragraph of an essay is usually shorter than the introduction . As a rule, it shouldn’t take up more than 10–15% of the text.

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McCombes, S. (2023, July 23). How to Conclude an Essay | Interactive Example. Scribbr. Retrieved April 11, 2024, from https://www.scribbr.com/academic-essay/conclusion/

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So much is at stake in writing a conclusion. This is, after all, your last chance to persuade your readers to your point of view, to impress yourself upon them as a writer and thinker. And the impression you create in your conclusion will shape the impression that stays with your readers after they've finished the essay.

The end of an essay should therefore convey a sense of completeness and closure as well as a sense of the lingering possibilities of the topic, its larger meaning, its implications: the final paragraph should close the discussion without closing it off.

To establish a sense of closure, you might do one or more of the following:

• Conclude by linking the last paragraph to the first, perhaps by reiterating a word or phrase you used at the beginning.
• Conclude with a sentence composed mainly of one-syllable words. Simple language can help create an effect of understated drama.
• Conclude with a sentence that's compound or parallel in structure; such sentences can establish a sense of balance or order that may feel just right at the end of a complex discussion.

To close the discussion without closing it off, you might do one or more of the following:

• Conclude with a quotation from or reference to a primary or secondary source, one that amplifies your main point or puts it in a different perspective. A quotation from, say, the novel or poem you're writing about can add texture and specificity to your discussion; a critic or scholar can help confirm or complicate your final point. For example, you might conclude an essay on the idea of home in James Joyce's short story collection,  Dubliners , with information about Joyce's own complex feelings towards Dublin, his home. Or you might end with a biographer's statement about Joyce's attitude toward Dublin, which could illuminate his characters' responses to the city. Just be cautious, especially about using secondary material: make sure that you get the last word.
• Conclude by setting your discussion into a different, perhaps larger, context. For example, you might end an essay on nineteenth-century muckraking journalism by linking it to a current news magazine program like  60 Minutes .
• Conclude by redefining one of the key terms of your argument. For example, an essay on Marx's treatment of the conflict between wage labor and capital might begin with Marx's claim that the "capitalist economy is . . . a gigantic enterprise of dehumanization "; the essay might end by suggesting that Marxist analysis is itself dehumanizing because it construes everything in economic -- rather than moral or ethical-- terms.
• Conclude by considering the implications of your argument (or analysis or discussion). What does your argument imply, or involve, or suggest? For example, an essay on the novel  Ambiguous Adventure , by the Senegalese writer Cheikh Hamidou Kane, might open with the idea that the protagonist's development suggests Kane's belief in the need to integrate Western materialism and Sufi spirituality in modern Senegal. The conclusion might make the new but related point that the novel on the whole suggests that such an integration is (or isn't) possible.

Finally, some advice on how not to end an essay:

• Don't simply summarize your essay. A brief summary of your argument may be useful, especially if your essay is long--more than ten pages or so. But shorter essays tend not to require a restatement of your main ideas.
• Avoid phrases like "in conclusion," "to conclude," "in summary," and "to sum up." These phrases can be useful--even welcome--in oral presentations. But readers can see, by the tell-tale compression of the pages, when an essay is about to end. You'll irritate your audience if you belabor the obvious.
• Resist the urge to apologize. If you've immersed yourself in your subject, you now know a good deal more about it than you can possibly include in a five- or ten- or 20-page essay. As a result, by the time you've finished writing, you may be having some doubts about what you've produced. (And if you haven't immersed yourself in your subject, you may be feeling even more doubtful about your essay as you approach the conclusion.) Repress those doubts. Don't undercut your authority by saying things like, "this is just one approach to the subject; there may be other, better approaches. . ."

Copyright 1998, Pat Bellanca, for the Writing Center at Harvard University

Essay on Age And Maturity

Students are often asked to write an essay on Age And Maturity in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Age And Maturity

Understanding age and maturity.

Age and maturity are two different things. Age is a number that tells how many years you have lived. It is a fact that cannot be changed. On the other hand, maturity is about how you act and think. It shows how much you understand about life.

Age Does Not Define Maturity

A common mistake is to think that age and maturity always go together. This is not true. Some people can be very mature even when they are young. Others can be very old but still act in ways that are not mature.

Maturity Depends On Experiences

What really shapes maturity is experience. Experiences teach us important lessons about life. They help us understand right from wrong. They show us how to handle different situations. This is why two people of the same age can have different levels of maturity.

Importance of Maturity

Maturity is important because it helps us make good decisions. It helps us understand other people’s feelings. It makes us responsible. It also helps us to face challenges and overcome difficulties. Without maturity, it would be hard to lead a successful and happy life.

In conclusion, age and maturity are not the same. Age is about how many years you have lived. Maturity is about how you think and act. It is shaped by your experiences and is very important for a successful life.

250 Words Essay on Age And Maturity

Age and maturity are two terms that we often hear together. Age refers to the number of years a person has lived, while maturity is about the person’s mental and emotional growth.

Age is Just a Number

Age is a simple fact. It is the number of years you have been alive. For example, if you were born in 2010, your age in 2022 would be 12 years. It’s a simple calculation that everyone can understand.

Maturity is More Than Age

Maturity, on the other hand, is not as straightforward. It is about how you think, feel, and behave. It’s about understanding right from wrong, and making good choices. It’s about being responsible, respectful, and considerate.

The Connection Between Age and Maturity

While age and maturity are different, they are often related. As people grow older, they usually become more mature. They learn from their experiences, and this helps them grow mentally and emotionally. But it’s important to remember that this is not always the case. Some people may be very mature at a young age, while others may be less mature even when they are older.

In conclusion, age and maturity are two different things. Age is a simple count of years, while maturity is about personal growth. While they are often related, they are not the same. Understanding this can help us better understand ourselves and others.

500 Words Essay on Age And Maturity

Introduction to age and maturity.

Age and maturity are two terms we often hear together. Age is a simple idea. It is the number of years a person has lived. Maturity, on the other hand, is a bit more complex. It’s about how a person thinks and behaves. It’s about understanding, wisdom, and the ability to make good choices.

Age Does Not Always Mean Maturity

A common belief is that as people grow older, they also grow more mature. But this is not always true. Age and maturity are not the same thing. A person can be old in age but may not be mature. On the other hand, a young person can show a high level of maturity.

It’s like a tree. A tree might be very tall and old, but it might not bear good fruit. Another tree might be young and not very tall, but it might bear sweet fruit. In the same way, a person’s age does not always tell us about their maturity.

Maturity is About Understanding

Maturity is not about how old you are. It’s about how you understand things. A mature person understands that every action has a consequence. They know that if they do something wrong, there might be a bad result. They understand that they must take responsibility for their actions.

Maturity is also about understanding other people. A mature person knows that everyone is different. They respect these differences. They do not make fun of others or hurt them because they are different.

Growing in Maturity

So, how does a person become mature? It is through experiences. When a person faces challenges, they learn from them. They understand what is right and what is wrong. This helps them to grow in maturity.

Education also plays a big role. When a person learns about different things, their understanding grows. They start to see the world in a broader way. This also helps them to become more mature.

Conclusion: Age and Maturity

In conclusion, age and maturity are not the same. Age is about how many years a person has lived. Maturity is about understanding, wisdom, and good behavior. A person can be young and still be mature. A person can also be old and not be mature. Therefore, we should not judge a person’s maturity by their age. Instead, we should look at their understanding and behavior.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

If you’re looking for more, here are essays on other interesting topics:

• Essay on Acquaintance Party Experience
• Essay on Accountability In The Army
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Essay Samples on Maturity

How does being in a group affect bystander intervention.

Bystander impacts how people will react in a certain situation. I think it because our brain reaches maturity in a way that we should have priority first before anything else. For example, if an incident happened on a road, some people are going to the...

• The Bystander Effect

Means of Assessing Project Management Maturity Measurement Process

Understanding organizational functioning is central to the purpose of maturity models, and it has been argued by Van De Ven, 1976 that these can be evaluated through an exploration of process, structure, consistency, and discretion. Their overall development emanated from the need to understand the...

• Project Management

The Question Of Whether Age Matters In A Relationship

The issue of age factor in a relationship is a serious one. I believe you might have thought about it either once or twice. I can’t date him, I am older than him. He was born a week after I was born and all of...

• Relationship

Maturity and Growth in The Chrysalids

A person is generally considered to be mature if they exhibit common qualities or characteristics that are expected in adulthood. These characteristics can include being responsible, patient, and making decisions based on rationality. In the novel The Chrysalids by John Wyndham, we get to see...

• Moral Development
• The Chrysalids

Advantages, Disadvantages, and effects of Studying Abroad

Studying abroad is the act of going to another country to study the same material but in a completely new and different environment. Some people ask what the purpose is of studying abroad and what are the benefits of it. Well, studying abroad has many...

• Studying Abroad

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Araby: The Battle of Lust and Family Roots

Epiphany is a central motif in “Araby” which represents disappointment. Joyce defines epiphany as the moment when the essence of a character is revealed. In this paper, I will show that the boy experiences incremental but eye-opening discoveries that will help him understand more about...

Reaching the Age of Emotional Maturity

Whilst growing up, we come in contact with numerous people of different orientations, attitudes, actions, and very important ideas. And we wonder why they act how they act or why they say some things they say? Or wow? Due to my upbringing, I would say...

• Human Development

Infantilism as Social Phenomenon and a Sign of Growing Immaturity

In the modern world, we are increasingly seeing signs of personal immaturity, a decrease in initiative, a depletion of value orientations among young people. The priorities, the general worldview, the principles and ideals of young people today have changed. The desire for self-actualization, self-reflection has...

• Modern Society

Correlation Between Technological Progress and Social Maturity

The emergence of technology has increased the pace with which development previously took place. It revolutionised films, literature, trade, culture of consumerism and communication and much more. It took Homo Sapiens about 20,000 years to shift from cave paintings to petro glyphs (carvings on rocks)....

• Advantages of Technology

Maturity And Myself: Key Aspects That Affects Me

There are three critical perspectives that play a noteworthy run in my life. They can be arranged as scholarly, social, and profound. My scholarly self is intriguing in light of the fact that I am predominantly right-brained which implies that I tend to utilize my...

• Personal Growth and Development
• Self Reflection

Best topics on Maturity

1. How Does Being in a Group Affect Bystander Intervention

2. Means of Assessing Project Management Maturity Measurement Process

3. The Question Of Whether Age Matters In A Relationship

4. Maturity and Growth in The Chrysalids

5. Advantages, Disadvantages, and effects of Studying Abroad

6. Araby: The Battle of Lust and Family Roots

7. Reaching the Age of Emotional Maturity

8. Infantilism as Social Phenomenon and a Sign of Growing Immaturity

9. Correlation Between Technological Progress and Social Maturity

10. Maturity And Myself: Key Aspects That Affects Me

• Perseverance
• Career Goals
• Personal Experience
• Grandfather
• Family Values
• Reading Books

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Essay About Maturity With Outline

Published by Boni on October 20, 2022 October 20, 2022

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Maturity Essay Outline

Introduction.

Thesis: Maturity determines one’s success in life as it informs the steps one takes to benefit oneself and those close to one.

Paragraph 1:

Maturity enables one to understand situations and people.

• Many people will encounter challenging circumstances along the way in life.
• A mature person makes an effort to comprehend the circumstance or the other person before responding.

Paragraph 2:

A mature person easily adapts to life changes.

• Happiness and growth are optional but change is unavoidable.
• Dealing with change necessitates maturity.

Paragraph 3:

Maturity makes it easy for a person to accept and appropriately react to things.

• All humans experience painful circumstances at some point in their lives.
• Maturity requires one to accept things they cannot change.

Paragraph 4:

Maturity determines how one cares for their loved ones.

• Everybody expresses love in their own special way.
• Immature people can become clinging and possessive in showing love and concern.
• Mature people approach caring for their loved ones in different ways.

Paragraph 5:

Mature people plan their lives based on sound decisions.

• Immature people frequently make snap judgments about issues.
• Mature people take an objective view of life and analyze their options objectively before making decisions.
• Maturity positively impacts one’s life and the lives of their loved ones.
• One is able to understand situations and people.
• One is easily adaptive to life changes.
• One knows how to handle life’s disappointments and heartbreaks.
• Therefore, one should make all decisions and organize their life maturely. 

Explore some of the best psychology topics for your essay.

Essay About Maturity

People often mistakenly associate maturity with age, such that as one becomes older, one becomes more mature. However, this is misguiding because maturity is not all about age. Rather, it is determined by the way one decides to behave and react to different life experiences. It is fundamentally a stage of mental wisdom or development that affects every aspect of a person’s life, from behavior to interpersonal relationships. A person’s maturity level can be determined by some key characteristics that they display both in ordinary situations and at stressful times. Thus, maturity determines one’s success in life as it informs the steps one takes to benefit oneself and those close to one.

Maturity enables one to understand situations and people. Many people will encounter challenging circumstances along the way in life. The distinction between a mature and immature individual is that the former will make an effort to comprehend the circumstance or the other person before responding. Some of the qualities that qualify an individual as an understanding person and further portray them as mature in whatever stage of their life are the ability to imagine oneself in another person’s situation and rationally reason out why things may have occurred in a given way (Fitzmaurice, 2017). Simply condemning or blaming the other person is not part of maturity.

A mature person also easily adapts to life changes. Noteworthy, happiness and growth are optional but change is unavoidable. The people one meets, the experiences one encounters, and the obstacles one faces in life are constantly changing. Change itself aids in maturation, but dealing with it also necessitates maturity. By resisting change or acting in their old ways, immature people demonstrate a lack of situational awareness (Fitzmaurice, 2017). They do not successfully adjust as a result, which presents them with fresh difficulties. On the flip side, the mature individual recognizes circumstances and how they are and consciously attempts to adjust to the change (Fitzmaurice, 2017). They gain knowledge, develop, and advance in life as a result of this. When transitioning from college to the workplace, for instance, one must exhibit corporate maturity or a professional demeanor. However, one might be deemed immature if one continues to have the careless and uncaring mentality of a college student.

Maturity additionally makes it easy for a person to accept and appropriately react to things. All humans experience the anguish of abandonment, heartbreak, or any other painful circumstance at some point in their lives. However, maturity requires one to accept things they cannot change and move on without whining too much. People recover from life’s disappointments at varying rates of speed (Muk, 2013). Whatever the circumstance, one must develop various levels of maturity to get ready to deal with various challenges. This makes it easy for them to forget about stressful situations and things so they may behave in ways that will help them grow more with every experience.

Maturity further determines how one cares for their loved ones. Everybody expresses love in their own special way. However, immature people can generally become clinging and possessive in a misguided attempt to show love and concern (Muk, 2013). On the flip side, mature people approach caring for their loved ones in different ways. For example, a mature person would understand that love is more than merely surprising their loved ones with gifts and presents (Muk, 2013). If one wants to be sure their children will not have any financial issues after their death, one can consider protecting the children’s future with an insurance plan. This would ensure the children live to realize their many wishes and attain their full potential. Thus, mature people use more profound and long-lasting means of expressing love.

Finally, mature people plan their lives based on sound decisions. Immature people frequently make snap judgments about their careers, relationships, and other matters (Chester, 2018). They rely on their feelings and impulses to guide their goals and decisions. On the other hand, mature people take an objective view of life and analyze their options objectively before making decisions (Chester, 2018). Therefore, to handle various obstacles, one needs all levels of maturity, from intellectual maturity to relational maturity. A mature individual, for example, will look for a more reliable platform to invest their funds in. This may include contributing to a retirement savings plan or monthly financial plans. Immature people might, however, invest in dangerous ventures to get quick money, which could subsequently turn out to be a scam.

The mature behavior of a person may positively impact the lives of their loved ones. With maturity, one would be sure to understand situations and people and thereby always react in the right manner. One would also be easily adaptive to changes in life and boost their happiness and as well protect their mental health. They would additionally know how best to handle life’s disappointments and heartbreaks. How one cares for their loved ones would also be positively impactful if one taps into maturity in doing it. A mature person understands the meaning of real love and how to practice it. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, maturity helps in the proper planning of one’s life. Therefore, for the sake of oneself, family, and friends, one should make all decisions and organize their life maturely. 

Chester, R. (2018). Emotional maturity: Understanding the child and the adult in you . Amazon Digital Services LLC. 

Fitzmaurice, K. E. (2017). Secret of maturity . Independently Published.

Muk, K. (2013). Emotional maturity: In everyday life . Kosjenka Muk.  https://www.scribd.com/book/304957176/Emotional-Maturity-In-Everyday-Life

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Essays by Karen Anderson: Asymmetry

A big silver maple lives a couple blocks from me, taller than any house on the street. Staring up, I notice how crooked the tree is, how unbalanced where its branches have been chopped off. Year after year, the city crews have trimmed it to make room for power lines.

My neighborhood is full of such trees—maples and oaks that have survived generations of hand saws and chain saws. Stripped of their symmetry, these trees find another way to be beautiful. And now, as spring arrives, their remaining branches are fat with buds. Soon they will be thick with leaves, reaching across the streets in canopies of shade.

Bicycling past them, I admire these old trees and wish I were as forgiving as they are, as resilient. Wish I could accept, as gracefully as they do, awkward transformations.

Few of us reach maturity without getting trimmed, without losing parts of ourselves. Nobody asks our permission before they arrive with their saws and leave us lopsided.

Sometimes it’s hard to keep my balance. To keep believing I have something to offer, a reason to keep going and growing, season after season. Like the old trees that leaf out, with whatever they have left.

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Gig workers are writing essays for AI to learn from

• Companies are hiring highly educated gig workers to write training content for AI models .
• The shift toward more sophisticated trainers comes as tech giants scramble for new data sources.
• AI could run out of data to learn from by 2026, one research institute has warned. 

As artificial intelligence models run out of data to train themselves on, AI companies are increasingly turning to actual humans to write training content.

For years, companies have used gig workers to help train AI models on simple tasks like photo identification , data annotation, and labelling. But the rapidly advancing technology now requires more advanced people to train it.

Companies such as Scale AI and Surge AI are hiring part-timers with graduate degrees to write essays and creative prompts for the bots to gobble up, The New York Times reported . Scale AI, for example, posted a job last year looking for people with Master's degrees or PhDs, who are fluent in either English, Hindi, or Japanese and have professional writing experience in fields like poetry, journalism, and publishing.

Related stories

Their mission? To help AI bots "become better writers," Scale AI wrote in the posting.

And an army of workers are needed to do this kind of work. Scale AI has as many as tens of thousands of contractors working on its platform at a time, per the Times.

"What really makes the A.I. useful to its users is the human layer of data, and that really needs to be done by smart humans and skilled humans and humans with a particular degree of expertise and a creative bent," Willow Primack, the vice president of data operations at Scale AI, told the New York Times. "We have been focusing on contractors, particularly within North America, as a result."

The shift toward more sophisticated gig trainers comes as tech giants scramble to find new data to train their technology on. That's because the programs learn so incredibly fast that they're already running out of available resources to learn from. The vast trove of online information — everything from scientific papers to news articles to Wikipedia pages — is drying up.

Epoch, an AI research institute, has warned that AI could run out of data by 2026.

So, companies are finding more and more creative ways to make sure their systems never stop learning. Google has considered accessing its customers' data in Google Docs , Sheets, and Slides while Meta even thought about buying publishing house Simon & Schuster to harvest its book collection, Business Insider previously reported.

Watch: Nearly 50,000 tech workers have been laid off — but there's a hack to avoid layoffs

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Esther Perel on What the Other Woman Knows

The relationship expert reads one of the most controversial modern love essays ever published..

This transcript was created using speech recognition software. While it has been reviewed by human transcribers, it may contain errors. Please review the episode audio before quoting from this transcript and email [email protected] with any questions.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

From “The New York Times,” I’m Anna Martin. This is “Modern Love.” Today, I’m talking to the most famous couples therapist in the world, Esther Perel. Esther’s books, “Mating in Captivity” and “State of Affairs,” have forced so many of us, myself included, to rethink our assumptions about love. Like maybe it’s unrealistic to expect the passion and fire we feel at the beginning of a relationship to last forever. And when one partner cheats on the other, what if it could actually bring the couple closer, instead of tearing them apart?

On her podcast, “Where Should We Begin,” Esther lets us eavesdrop on sessions with real couples. People come to her with impossible problems, and she somehow guides them to a breakthrough. She gives them hope. When I listen to Esther’s podcast, I feel like I’m getting a free therapy session, so I wasn’t surprised in the slightest when she told me that people come up to her in public all the time and ask her deeply personal questions.

The grocery store is one place, but airplanes is even better.

Oh, no, Esther. If I were you, I’d be really scared to fly.

[LAUGHS]: They’re suspended in the air, and they tell you lots of things. And it is often about, can trust be repaired when it’s been broken? Can you bring a spark back when it’s gone? Can you rekindle desire when it’s been dormant for so long? What do you do when you’re angry at yourself for having stayed when you think you should have left? Or what do you do when you’re angry at yourself when you’ve left and now you think you should have stayed?

You’re like, I’m just at the grocery store, man. I need to check out.

Clearly, people are struggling so much to be happy in long-term relationships that they’re cornering this woman basically everywhere she goes. And these things people ask Esther about, they’re exactly the kinds of high-stakes, make-or-break questions that come up in the essay she chose for our show today. It’s called “What Sleeping with Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity,” by Karin Jones.

Karin’s essay was one of the most controversial pieces ever published in the history of the “Modern Love” column. But when it comes to talking about sex and relationships, nothing is too taboo for Esther.

Esther Perel, welcome to “Modern Love.”

It’s a pleasure to be here.

So you’re going to read Karin Jones’s “Modern Love” essay. We’re going to talk all about infidelity. But before we get into that, I learned something about you that I need to know more about. You are fluent in nine languages. And you conduct therapy in seven of them? Is that true?

Yes. So I grew up in Belgium, in the Flemish part of Belgium, and I was educated in Flemish for 12 years. But we also spoke French and German and Polish and Yiddish at home.

So we had five languages in the house. And then I studied Spanish, Portuguese, Hebrew, and English. That comes to nine.

Would you ever do one more just to bring it to a solid 10?

I always wanted to study Arabic.

OK, in your free time, in your ample free time.

Are there certain languages that have better vocabulary for talking about the nuances of love and relationships than others?

That is a very difficult question to answer because my love language, the language in which I learned poetry, songs, novels, et cetera, was primarily French. And so, of course, I would say French. But that may be because I was inducted in it, rather than the language itself. What I can say is that certain cultures are more fluent in the language of feelings, love, relationships, and desire and sexuality than maybe English or Anglo cultures that are more pragmatic, more practical.

I think in therapy, sometimes, I find that there is certain cultures that allow me to speak differently about death, differently about the relationship of the individual to the collective. What I will say is this. In a therapy session, if a person tells me something and it needs to be said in his own language, I will ask them to translate it and to say it in their mother tongue, because you hear instantly the difference, the tone, the timber, the tremble.

And I know it. It’s like, I don’t even have to understand what they’re saying. I know that there is an authenticity and a truth to it that is very different. Sometimes, afterwards, I say, what did you say? But sometimes, I don’t even need to. I know when they say, “I feel alone,” “I ache for you,” “I miss you,” “where have you gone,” “I can’t forget you.” You don’t really need to understand the words to understand the effect.

Esther, the “Modern Love” essay you’re going to read for us today tackles a topic that I bet is very hard to talk about in almost any language. It’s called “What Sleeping with Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity” by Karin Jones. The author Karin is recently divorced, and she becomes the other woman to several men.

When I read that title, I kind of expect this story is going to be about all the sex she’s having or the secrets or how they’re hiding it. But you’ve worked with so many couples who are in the throes of dealing with cheating. So what does the word “infidelity” signal to you?

I wrote a book about infidelity. So I will say that one of my attempts in writing this book was to translate in writing the complexity of this experience that can be so shattering, that can fracture a family and an entire legacy. It needs more than just good, bad, victim, perpetrator, villain, saint. That there’s too much happening and for too many people that are involved to try to reduce it.

Infidelity is often about a lot of things, but sex. It’s about betrayal. It’s about violation of trust. It’s about lying. It’s about duplicity. It’s about deception. And sex is a piece of this, but that is not necessarily the only thing.

Oof. Esther, I am so excited to hear you read this. Whenever you’re ready.

OK. “What Sleeping with Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity” by Karin Jones.

“I’m not sure it’s possible to justify my liaison with married men, but what I learned from having them warrants discussion. Not between the wives and me, though I would be interested to hear their side. No, this discussion should happen between wives and husbands annually, the way we inspect the tire tread on the family car to avoid accidents.

A few years ago, while living in London, I dated married men for companionship while I processed the grief of being newly divorced.

When I created a profile on Tinder and on OkCupid saying I was looking for no strings attached encounters, plenty of single men messaged me, and I got together with several of them. But many married men messaged me, too.

After being married for 23 years, I wanted sex, but not a relationship. This is dicey because you can’t always control emotional attachments when body chemicals mix. But with the married man, I guess that the fact that they had wives, children, and mortgages would keep them from going overboard with their affections. And I was right. They didn’t get overly attached, and neither did I. We were safe bets for each other.

I was careful about the men I met. I wanted to make sure they had no interest in leaving their wives or otherwise threatening all they had built together. In a couple of cases, the men I met were married to women who had become disabled and could no longer be sexual, but the husbands remained devoted to them.

All told, I communicated with maybe a dozen men during that time in my life. I had sex with fewer than half. Others, I texted or talked with, which sometimes felt nearly as intimate. Before I met each man, I would ask, why are you doing this? I wanted assurance that all he desired was sex. What surprised me was that these husbands weren’t looking to have more sex. They were looking to have any sex.

I met one man whose wife had implicitly consented to her husband having a lover because she was no longer interested in sex at all. They both, to some degree, got what they needed without having to give up what they wanted. But the other husbands I met would have preferred to be having sex with their wives, and for whatever reason, that wasn’t happening.

I know what it feels like to go off sex, and I know what it’s like to want more than my partner. It’s also a tall order to have sex with the same person for more years than our ancestors ever hoped to live. Then, at menopause, a woman’s hormones suddenly drop, and her desire can wane. At 49, I was just about there myself and terrified of losing my desire for sex. Men don’t have this drastic change, so we have an imbalance, an elephant-sized problem so burdensome and shameful, we can scarcely muster the strength to talk about it.

If you read the work of Esther Perel, the author of the book ‘State of Affairs,’ you’ll learn that for many wives, sex outside of marriage is their way of breaking free from being the responsible spouses and mothers they have to be at home. Married sex for them often feels obligatory. An affair is adventure. Meanwhile, the husbands I spent time with would have been fine with obligatory sex. For them, adventure was not the main reason for their adultery.

The first time I saw my favorite married man pick up his pint of beer, the sleeve of his well-tailored suit pulled back from his wrist to reveal a geometric kaleidoscope of tattoos. He was clean shaven and well-mannered with a little rebel yell underneath. The night I saw the full canvas of his tattoo masterpiece, we drank prosecco, listened to ‘80s music, and, yes, had sex.

We also talked. I asked him, what if you said to your wife, look, I love you and the kids, but I need sex in my life? Can I just have the occasional fling or a casual affair? He sighed. If I asked her that kind of question, it would kill her, he said. So you don’t want to hurt her, but you lie to her instead? Personally, I’d rather know, I said.

It’s not necessarily a lie if you don’t confess the truth. It’s kind of to stay silent, he said. I’m just saying I couldn’t do that. I don’t want to be afraid of talking honestly about my sex life with the man I’m married to, and that includes being able to at least raise the subject of sex outside of marriage, I said. Good luck with that, he said.

I never convinced any husband that he can be honest about what he was doing, but they were mostly good-natured about it, like a patient father responding to a child who keeps asking why, why, why. Maybe I was being too pragmatic about the issues that are loaded with guilt, resentment, and fear. After all, it’s far easier to talk theoretically about marriage than to navigate it.

But my attitude is that if my spouse were to need something I couldn’t give him, I wouldn’t keep him from getting it elsewhere, as long as he did so in a way that didn’t endanger our family. I suppose I would hope his needs would involve fishing trips or beers with friends, but sex is basic.

Physical intimacy with other human beings is essential to our health and well-being. So how do we deny such a need to the one that we care about most? If our primary relationship nourishes and stabilizes us, but lacks intimacy, we shouldn’t have to destroy our marriage to get that intimacy somewhere else. Should we?

I didn’t have a full-on affair with the tattooed husband. We slept together maybe four times over a few years. More often, we talked on the phone. After our second night together, though, I could tell this was about more than sex for him. He was desperate for affection. He said he wanted to be close to his wife, but couldn’t because they were unable to get past their fundamental disconnect — lack of sex. That led to a lack of closeness, which made sex even less likely, and then turned into resentment and blame.

I’m not saying the answer is non-monogamy. That can be rife with risks and unintended entanglements. I believe the answer is honesty and dialogue, no matter how frightening. Lack of sex in marriage is common, and it shouldn’t lead to shame and silence. By the same token, an affair doesn’t have to lead to the end of a marriage. What if an affair, or ideally, simply, the urge to have one, can be the beginning of a necessary conversation about sex and intimacy?

What these husbands couldn’t do was have the difficult discussion with their wives that would force them to tackle the issues at the root of their cheating. They tried to convince me that they were being kind by keeping their affairs secret. They seemed to have convinced themselves. But deception and lying are ultimately corrosive, not kind.

In the end, I had to wonder if what these men couldn’t face was something else altogether — hearing why their wives no longer wanted to have sex with them. It’s much easier after all to set up an account on Tinder.”

Thanks so much for that reading, Esther. You know, it’s so funny because Karin Jones directly quotes you in her piece. And I feel like that is the first time ever we’ve had someone read an essay where they’re directly quoted.

Did anything jump out at you as you were reading?

What jumps out is she tackles a lot of different things — the subject of what is sexual aliveness, what is it that people actually lose when they stop being sexual with their partner, and how that loss of intimacy makes the sex even more complicated. She talked about the loss, the longing that this man has. I’ve often said that at the heart of affairs, you find duplicity and cheating and betrayal, but you also find longing and loss for the life that one had, for the parts of oneself that have been denied.

When we come back, I talk to Esther about the harsh criticism this essay got and why Esther thinks Karin Jones deserves more credit. Stay with us.

So Esther, this essay by Karin Jones was kind of a lightning rod when it was published. A ton of people were very critical of the author, saying she was sleeping with these men, but then also having conversations with them where she was like, it’s very wrong of you not to tell your wife what you’re up to. Why do you think this essay got so much backlash?

I think that the reaction to stories of infidelity are often intense. It’s a subject for which people are very quickly dogmatic because they have experienced the effects of it.

When I am in an audience, like if I was to ask, have you been affected by the experience of infidelity in your life, either because one of your parents was unfaithful or because you yourself had a child of an illicit affair, or because you had a friend on whose shoulder somebody weeping, or you had a confidant of someone who is in a complete bliss of an affair, or because you are the third person in the triangle, and about 80 percent of the people will raise their hand.

Wow. I mean, 80 percent sounds like a surprisingly large number, but when you explain it like that with different tendrils of an affair that affect everyone around the affair, not just the people in it, it makes total sense.

And it raises intense feelings in people. Karin Jones, she may have gotten the range of it, but you will hear more loudly the ones who say, you are a homewrecker, which, by the way, does not exist in the masculine.

Right, right.

The homewrecker is always a woman because the woman is the one who says yes, and therefore, if the woman hadn’t said yes, then he wouldn’t be able to do it. And then he would not be wrecking his family.

Yeah, there’s no other man either, by the way. It’s always the other woman.

Huh, there’s no other man.

Not in any of nine languages you speak.

No, because there’s never been another man who necessarily was willing to live in the shadow of a woman for his entire life.

That is so fascinating.

Her lover, [INAUDIBLE] you know her lover, but the other woman usually means that she lives in the shadow. She doesn’t just have a secret. She is the secret. That is the hardest thing about it. When people are writing to her, you can ask yourself, are they looking from the perspective of what it meant for her, or are they looking from the perspective of what it did to me, or to us?

Yeah, I mean, a lot of the criticism directed at Karin Jones, it seems, is coming from that perspective of saying, look what she did. Look at the harm she caused. Look at the pain she caused.

Which it is. Which it is.

Right, not discounting that, but it is interesting because her piece is so much about meaning making, right? That’s the whole conceit of her essay, is mining these experiences for meaning, and yet, people came with criticism. I wonder if this is like a kind of unfair question, but I wonder if there is an ethical way to be the other person. Is there a responsible way to do it without participating in hurt?

That depends. That depends. If you think the whole thing is unethical and is an egregious betrayal of trust and violation, then you will say no. I think the responsibility lies on the person who goes out, not on the lover.

Here’s what many people often say, is like, if you had asked me or if you had told me, but you made a decision without me. You made a decision about our marriage that did not involve me at all. And fair point. Of course, they know for a fact, too, that if they had been asked, they would have said no. But there is the things that you say after, and there is the things that you say before.

So, ultimately, I feel like I hear you agreeing with Karin Jones here that there are really important conversations that need to be happening between these husbands and their wives that actually don’t even have that much to do with Karin. Can you tell me more about that?

The conversation that Karin Jones would like these men to have with their wives is the conversations that take place in my book “Mating in Captivity,” because “Mating in Captivity” explored the dilemmas of desire inside relationships and why do people cease wanting. And could they want what they already have? And why does good sex fade, even in couples who still love each other as much as ever? And why do kids often deliver a fatal erotic blow?

What happens when they don’t have this conversation and they go elsewhere — and it’s not just a conversation about monogamy. It’s really a conversation of, what does sex mean to you? What do you want to experience in sex? Is it a place for connection?

Is it a place for transcendence, for spiritual union, to be naughty, to finally not be a good citizen, to be playful, to be taken care of, to surrender, to be safely dominant? What parts of you do you connect with through sexuality, rather than how often do we have sex, and we never have sex, and why don’t we do it more. So, that is a very different conversation.

But as Karin points to in her essay, and as you certainly point to in your book, those conversations are so difficult to have, even though this is the person we’re supposed to be the closest to. Why is that?

Because we grow up learning to be silent about sex and never talk about it. And then suddenly, we are expected to talk about it with the person we lov. Or in other words, sex is dirty, but save it for the one you love. It’s like we have very little practice talking about it.

We don’t get any of it in schools. Certainly, most families don’t talk about it either. And when we talk about sexuality, we talk about the dangers and the diseases and the dysfunctions. We don’t talk about intimacy. We don’t actually mix the word “sexuality” and “relationships” as one whole.

Yeah, and I mean, if we don’t talk about intimacy or the lack of it with a partner, that can, in some cases, lead to people going outside the marriage to find that intimacy they’re lacking in it. I’m thinking about Karin’s favorite married man, the one with all the tattoos. He says, it’s not necessarily a lie if you don’t confess the truth. It’s kinder to stay silent. In your experience working with couples, is he right? Is that true?

This is a very cultural question.

Because you live in a society here that believes in the moral cure of truth. But there are many societies for whom truth and honesty are not measured by the confession, but they are measured by what it will be like for the other person to walk with this on the street, meaning that they will consider the confession often as cruelty.

That, so what? So now you’ve got it off your chest. So now you’re less guilty, and now I have to live with this? Why don’t you just keep this to yourself, kind of thing. This is very cultural because in the United States, that is not the common view.

The common view is that the confession is the best state, even if you’re going to wreck the other person’s life for the next five years to come, which — and I am left with a question mark. But when I answer this question, I ask people about their own cultural codes as well. I do not impose mine. And mine fluctuates depending on the context. I think these questions are highly contextual, more than dogmatic.

We’ve talked about how there’s so many unsaid things between a couple that can lead to distance and infidelity. If a couple is feeling themselves drifting apart from each other emotionally, sexually, both, what are some things you could encourage them to do that might help?

Hmm. I like to coach people to do letter writing. Sometimes I make one person turn their back, and I make the other person write a letter on the back of the other person.

Oh, physically on the back?

Yes, but it’s a fake. You’re writing — you’re pretending to write, but you’re writing on the back. But that way, you don’t see the person.

Interesting.

Hi, Anna. This is something that I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a long time. And I give them the prompt. We never talk much about sexuality between us. For some reason, I decided a long time ago that you wouldn’t want to. But maybe it was I who didn’t know how to. And basically, they write these whole letters, in which they end up telling each other much of what they have never spoken.

I love that. What a kind and beautiful and compassionate way of easing into a conversation you’ve been afraid of having. Esther Perel, thank you so much for that idea. And thank you for talking with me today.

Thank you for having me.

Esther Perel is on tour in the US right now. Her show is called An Evening with Esther Perel, The Future of Relationships, Love, and Desire. Check her website for more details and to buy tickets. She told me she’s going to create an erotic experience in these theaters, so you do not want to miss that.

“Modern Love” is produced by Julia Botero, Chrstina Djossa, Reva Goldberg, Davis Land, and Emily Lange. It’s edited by our executive producer Jen Poyant and Davis Land. The “Modern Love” theme music is by Dan Powell. Original music by Dan Powell, Marion Lozano, Pat McCusker, Rowan Niemisto, Carole Sabouraud, and Diane Wong.

This episode was mixed by Daniel Ramirez. Our show was recorded by Maddy Masiello. Digital production by Mahima Chablani and Nell Gallogly. The “Modern Love” column is edited by Daniel Jones. Miya Lee is the editor of “Modern Love” projects. I’m Anna Martin. Thanks for listening.

• April 10, 2024   •   29:18 Esther Perel on What the Other Woman Knows
• April 3, 2024   •   27:31 The Second Best Way to Get Divorced, According to Maya Hawke
• March 27, 2024   •   32:38 How to Be Real With Your Kids
• March 20, 2024   •   32:14 Why Samin Nosrat Is Now ‘Fully YOLO’
• March 13, 2024   •   32:32 Brittany Howard Sings Through the Pangs of New Love
• March 6, 2024   •   33:21 Novelist Celeste Ng on the Big Power of Little Things
• February 28, 2024   •   37:46 Three Powerful Lessons About Love
• February 23, 2024   •   33:45 Modern Love at the Movies: Our Favorite Oscar-Worthy Love Stories
• February 21, 2024   •   25:21 A Politics Reporter Walks Into a Singles Mixer
• February 14, 2024   •   28:39 Un-Marry Me!
• December 6, 2023   •   29:18 I Married My Subway Crush
• November 29, 2023   •   34:56 Our 34-Year Age Gap Didn’t Matter, Until It Did

Hosted by Anna Martin

Produced by Julia Botero ,  Christina Djossa ,  Reva Goldberg and Emily Lang

Edited by Jen Poyant and Davis Land

Engineered by Daniel Ramirez

Original music by Pat McCusker ,  Marion Lozano ,  Carole Sabouraud ,  Rowan Niemisto ,  Diane Wong and Dan Powell

Listen and follow Modern Love Apple Podcasts | Spotify

‘at the heart of affairs, you find duplicity and cheating and betrayal, but you also find longing and loss for the life that one had, for the parts of oneself that have been denied’.

Over the last two decades, Esther Perel has become a world-famous couples therapist by persistently advocating frank conversations about infidelity, sex and intimacy. Today, Perel reads one of the most provocative Modern Love essays ever published: “ What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity ,” by Karin Jones.

In her 2018 essay, Jones wrote about her experience seeking out no-strings-attached flings with married men after her divorce. What she found, to her surprise, was how much the men missed having sex with their own wives, and how afraid they were to tell them.

Jones faced a heavy backlash after the essay was published. Perel reflects on why conversations around infidelity are still so difficult and why she thinks Jones deserves more credit.

Esther Perel is on tour in the U.S. Her show is called “An Evening With Esther Perel: The Future of Relationships, Love & Desire.” Check her website for more details.

Links to transcripts of episodes generally appear on these pages within a week.

Modern Love is hosted by Anna Martin and produced by Julia Botero, Reva Goldberg, Emily Lang and Christina Djossa. The show is edited by Davis Land and Jen Poyant, our executive producer. The show is mixed by Daniel Ramirez and recorded by Maddy Masiello. It features original music by Pat McCusker, Dan Powell, Marion Lozano, Carole Sabouraud, Rowan Niemisto and Diane Wong. Our theme music is by Dan Powell.

Special thanks to Larissa Anderson, Kate LoPresti, Lisa Tobin, Daniel Jones, Miya Lee, Mahima Chablani, Nell Gallogly, Jeffrey Miranda, Isabella Anderson, Reyna Desai, Renan Borelli, Nina Lassam and Julia Simon.

Thoughts? Email us at [email protected] . Want more from Modern Love ? Read past stories . Watch the TV series and sign up for the newsletter . We also have swag at the NYT Store and two books, “ Modern Love: True Stories of Love, Loss, and Redemption ” and “ Tiny Love Stories: True Tales of Love in 100 Words or Less .”

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When Do We Become Adults

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Cultural and societal influences, the role of life milestones, challenges and ambiguities, the individual journey.

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